


Rule Breaker

by RandomPerson2_0



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:15:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 72,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25268965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomPerson2_0/pseuds/RandomPerson2_0
Summary: Clarke has always been a trouble maker. She seems to flirt with trouble on the daily so when it announced she has to marry Wells come her 18th birthday, Clarke isn’t all that pleased. On the night before her 18th birthday, Clarke runs away. Her plan is well on its way until she finds herself hanging by the foot from a tree and looking into the green eyes of a woman
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Luna/Raven Reyes
Comments: 7
Kudos: 42





	1. Characters

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, this is the same story as the one on my old account though my old account has no chapters and just a note. Or it will (if you are reading this on the day I have published this). Also, there is no official ending. Just notes of what the ending would've been. You have been warned.

**Please Read:**

**Feel free to skip to chapter three. Chapter one (this one) and two explain characters and how I do things. They are not necessary to read but may help you understand age and time. Just saying.**

Clarke Rose Griffin:

Second Gender: Omega

Age: 17

Birthday: September 10th, 5039

Hair Color: Blonde

Eye Color: Blue

Raven Estrella Reyes:

Second Gender: Beta

Age: 17 or 19

Birthday: January 5th, 5038

Hair Color: Black

Eye Color: Brown

Octavia Marie Blake:

Second Gender: Alpha

Age: 19 or 21

Birthday: May 20th, 5036

Hair Color: Light Brown

Eye Color: Brown

Lincoln Burrow:

Second Gender: Alpha

Age: 21 or 23

Birthday: October 9th, 5034

Hair Color: Brown (currently hairless)

Eye Color: Dark Brown

Bellamy John Blake:

Second Gender: Omega

Age: 22 or 24

Birthday: June 17th, 5033

Hair Color: Dark Brown

Eye Color: Light Brown

Johnathan or Murphy:

Second Gender: Beta

Age: 17

Birthday: December 5th, 5039

Hair Color: Blonde

Eye Color: Amber

Luna Jones:

Second Gender: Alpha

Age: 24 or 26

Birthday: April 1st, 5031

Hair Color: Blue (originally ombre)

Eye Color: Brown

Alexandria Charmante Woods:

Second Gender: Alpha

Age: 23 or 25

Birthday: July 4th, 5032

Hair Color: Dark Brown

Eye Color: Green

Costia May

Second Gender: Beta

Age: 19 or 21

Birthday: September 11th, 5036

Hair Color: Red

Eye Color: Blue


	2. Explaining

I felt it was necessary to put some things out there.

  * Most of you already know but I **DO NOT** own the characters used for this. All rights go to the makers of The 100
  * I have no idea which direction this story is going, it’s all made up as I go, however, I do write the chapters out on google docs before posting. I try to give you guys my best work
  * This is an Omegaverse, some of you may not know what an Omegaverse is so I’ll put a list of things that I will use for this story. I did bend the ‘rules’ of the Omegaverse for this story, so don’t be surprised if some things are not like how they are supposed to be



Heat:

This may not be right but in this story heat occurs once an Omega or Beta turns 16, from then on, every month they will go into heat. They can either go through the torture or ‘mate’ (have sex)

Rut:

This is like heat but this is for Alphas. This is when an Alpha gets the uncontrollable desire to have sex, the longer they wait when in rut, the worse the rut gets. Unlike heat (where they can wait), they have to have sex. 

Alpha:

Short version, they are the leader of the other genders. They tend to get good jobs and they have a higher ‘spot’ in the society

Omega:

Omegas are right under Alphas. They don’t usually gets jobs, except when teenagers. Most Omegas are sold off to marry a rich person that way their family benefits and gets income. With that, some Omegas do get jobs if born into a rich family. You’ll often see female Omegas taking care of children and staying home. Males (which is rare) usually do the same thing. They’ll take care of the children and stay home. Some go to work with their partner. Omegas have a 90% fertility rate

Betas:

This is the lowest rank, spot, in the society. Betas get the trashy jobs like garbage man and janitor. 90% of the homeless are Betas. Society doesn’t see a need for Betas. They have a 39% chance of getting pregnant, they can’t release pheromones or change form. Their parental instincts are trash, most infant deaths are because one of the parents was a Beta, especially if it was the mom. Although Betas are basically useless they are the smartest out of the other breeds. Omegas are known to be fast runners and can easily slip into things, especially tiny spaces, they are also known for going to the Olympics. Alphas are known to be strong so most of them become construction workers. However, Betas are the reason the world has smart technology, their brains work different. Although they are still scrawny, not fast, and can easily break.

**Ok then, since that is out of the way, let’s get onto the story. As always, if anyone is confused leave a question or comment in the comment section. I will answer as soon as I can.**

**I will also start putting whose POV (point of view) the chapter or section is in. I feel it will make things easier for you guys.**

**Also 8 stars (********) means a POV change. I always put the date when a new chapter starts, if there isn’t a date when a new chapter starts then assume it is taking place on the same day the previous chapter took place. I will put 5 stars (*****) for a time change that takes place in the same day.**

**Example:**

_ Seven more hours to go. _

I slump back in my chair as my eyes begin to close.

*****

“Hey, wake up.”

I’m shaken awake by my friend. When I read the time I notice 3 hours have passed.

**If a word is tilted like** _ this _ **then that means it is someone’s thoughts. If a word is bold and tilted like** **_this_ ** **then I don’t really know what it means I will put in parenthesis () what it means.**

**Ok then, let’s get onto some things that have to do with this story.**

The fence (or barrier as Clarke calls it):

This is the fence that surrounds the Skaikru camp. There are guards every 15 feet so it is well guarded. No one leaves the fence for fun, there’s always a reason and it has to be a good reason. This fence is said to protect against the Trikru.

The War:

This refers to the war that has been going on for the last 3 years. It’s between the Skaikru and Trikru. Most predict the war is coming to an end soon but not fast.

Leader:

A leader is the couple that rules the Skaikru camp (or city as Abby calls it). One person can rule the Skaikru but it is recommended that a couple does it. That way two minds go into a situation, if you have one person then they will think their opinion is the best. With a second person there is another opinion.

Chief or Chieftess:

This is like the leader thing for Skaikru but instead one person ‘rules’ the Trikru. If the Chief or Chieftess has a wife/husband they wife/husband would be second in charge. They are not as important as the Chief or Chieftess. The Chief or Chieftess word is the final word in an argument. What she/he says is final, no second opinion.

(I don’t know if I covered this, I doubt it though)

Transformation:

This is when a human changes to a wolf. Their bones physically change shape as they turn into a wolf. It is known that when someone first transforms, they stay in that form for a day to let their bones adjust. They usually end up sore when they turn back to a human.

(Abby despises this and is trying to get rid of it in humans, she says it is the dirty part of the society. Due to this reason, transformation is not allowed inside Skaikru grounds)

**Alrighty, I think that’s all. If you have any questions, ask.**


	3. Prologue

September 10th, 5057

I stare at the woman sitting across from me. Her green eyes stare into mine as she strums her fingers on the table. She doesn’t look so pleased.

_ But neither would I if my rabbit trap was wasted on a dumb blonde. _

“So tell me”, she leans forward. “What were you doing hanging from a trap?”

“Do you want the short or long version?”


	4. How Did I Get Here?

September 9th, 5057

The window begins to fog up when I lean towards it. I have to wipe it away in order to see the outside world. The objects that lie beyond the fence.

I've never left the fence, wouldn't dare to do so.

I don't need more community service.

People rarely leave the fence. When they do it's always to talk to a neighboring 'clan' or to gather food. Everyday people, like the townspeople, fear the fence. Ever since I came down to Earth, I have been told to never leave. The second group in charge of Camp Jaha have told us stories and myths. They scared all the young kids and messed with the brains of the older kids. 

They tell everyone "creatures of all shapes and sizes roam out their" or "the earth itself is alive, if you leave the fence it will eat you where you stand". The lies, myths as they prefer, have become an inside joke with teenagers. We'll tease one another or scare each other trying to act like the creatures out their. Some will bite you saying they're the earth and they're gonna eat you up. However, my favorite lie, the only one I will laugh at, is "the humans out there are so contorted that their limbs lie on their head. From afar you wouldn’t even compare it to a human", I connect this lie with the creature one. I know the humans out there aren't broken or ugly. If I'm up late to the point the sun has said goodbye, I may be lucky enough to spot someone moving outside the fence. I've only gotten little glimpses of this person but their general outline, as I assume, isn't one of a contorted person.

There's a funny thing about the fence, the thing that is so called protecting us. It's not that high. It's about a few inches above my head. I think the leader of Camp Jaha did this to say "you can leave at any moment but you're so scared that you remain inside the wall". You can control anyone if you know their fear. It's ridiculous and quite sad.

"Clarke!", a woman yells my name. She doesn't sound so happy.

_ Have I been tuning her out? _

“The door is unlocked.”

I hear the usual squeak of the door opening. It only lasts for a few seconds. It seems to come somewhere between 45 and 50 degree angle of the door. I make a few mental notes to fix the door but I know I will never get around to doing so.

“Your mother wishes to see you before the party.”

Squinting at the window I can see Maragret. She has a smile on her face, one that is slightly shaking as she forces it to stay on her face.

I don’t smile back. I know her smile is more of a mask. I know she hates my mother just as much as the next person does.

Of course she would never dare to say this. Abby is the only reason Maragret gets to eat every night.

“I’ll get dressed in a few minutes”, I don’t bother looking at her.

“Your mother would like to see you right now.”

“Where is the dress?”

“It is lying on the bed… the wedding rehearsal shouldn’t be too long.”

“So I’ve been told.”

Silences stretches between us. I can tell Maragret is fighting for something, anything to say. In the end she decides to leave the conversation where it is. I listen to the tiny whistle the door makes as it closes. I can hear the clicks of Maragret’s shoes as she walks away from my room.

Closing my eyes I suck in air, wait a few seconds, then release it. The window fogs over, it blocks my view. The trees are faintly noticeable but I figure it’s best not to dwell any longer.

My eyes scan the room before finding the white, frilly dress on the bed.

“Time to get this over with.”

*****

“Congratulations”, a woman smiles at Wells and me.

I eye her current outfit. She has a green dress that has tiny specks of glitter. It doesn’t outrule my dress, obviously, but it does come off as at threat. In all honesty I think it’s pretty. I prefer a green dress over a white one. That way if I were to run the trees would hide me.

Her shoes are a black color. They remind me of the empty void of space. The place that doesn’t seem to end. When I look at her face I can tell it’s coated in what seems like pounds of makeup. She doesn’t look like a woman who likes makeup.

_ Does that weigh her head down? _

“Thank you”, Wells voice breaks me from my thoughts. When his arms tighten around my waist, I realize I’m not smiling. I probably have a look of disgust.

With a small, unnoticeable, grunt I force a smile on my face.

_ Keep the act up. _

I put my hands over Wells and force a smile on my face.

Once the woman walks away, Raven walks up to us. She isn’t dressed in anything fancy. In fact she’s in jeans. A shirt without sleeves completes her outfit. I can tell she was called out from her workshop.

She holds a glass of beer, probably trying to drink her anger away. Her problems away.

“I never thought I’d see the day Clarke would find love”, Raven smiles at me. Her smile shakes but unlike Maragret’s, it shakes from the alcoholic drink and not from jealousy. “I’m surprised it’s… him.”

Before I can say anything, Wells is talking. He’s been responding to most things. I just have to stand and look pretty.

The words around me start to blend in with the noise. I have trouble telling when someone is talking to me or Wells. At some point, I don’t know when, I give up. I eye everyone around me. I come up with a game.

I know that everyone has someone they hate but can’t say. All these smiles are fake. I also know that when you don’t like the current situation you are in, you try to get out of it. Almost everyone here has some form of alcohol. So I watch one person and see how they react to others. I try to tell who hates who and who likes who. It helps me know people better and also get my mind off the real reason I am here.

My main focus at the current moment is Margaret. She walks around with a man. I can tell she likes this man but this man is married to Stephanie. However, when I watch Stephanie she is more trying, but failing, to flirt with Nico. Nico seems as though he’s trying to shake her off.

My eyes find Margret who is still with Nick. Nick is watching Stephanie, a look of disgust on his face. Margret seems to notice but doesn’t say anything about it. She only chugs her beer. It’s glass after glass. 

At one point Margret gets to the point she is stumbling over nothing. I can tell she’s drunk when she pulls Nick to her and kisses him. This causes Stephanie to erupt in tears and lean on Nico. Nico gets mad and the whole rehearsal turns into a drunk fight.

“That didn’t take too long”, I smile to myself.

“What?”, Wells runs his finger up and down my stomach.

I lean my head back so its on Wells shoulder. “My feet are killing me”, I whisper more into his neck than his ear.

“Already?”, he plants a kiss on the side of my head. 

“I don’t wear high heels on a normal occasion”, I take my hands off his.

The fight is getting worse. Guards try to split everyone up. I make the decision to leave before anything bad happens.

I slip out of Wells arms. I ‘politely’ say “excuse me” as I make my way through the crowd. I know Wells is following when I hear my name. I have no trouble leaving due to the fact that all guards are dealing with the fight.

Once I’m outside, the cold night air blows in my face. Instead of shivering I feel hot. I look up at the sky. The stars seem to wave at me.

“Clarke?”

“You followed”, I look down.

“Yeah… why don’t we go back inside?”

“You can go.”

I look up and squint into the darkness. When I spot ‘my’ hut I walk towards it. Wells hesitates before following me.

I walk into the hut. The place seems strange, almost like I’m trespassing.

_ This place will never feel like home. _

“You excited for tomorrow?”, Wells closes the door behind him.

“Am I supposed to be?”, I shoot him a glare. “I don’t want to marry you.”

Wells doesn’t respond. He watches me sit on the bed.

I reach down and start to take my shoe off. I growl as my shoe refuses to budge. In the end I give up and flop backwards onto the bed. Wells walks over, crouches down and takes off my shoe. “You forgot to unbuckle it.”

“Whatever”, I allow him to take the other off before I curl up on the bed. “Stay on your side.”

“Clarke.”

“I’m sleeping”, I push my face into the blanket.

“Why do you hate me?”

“If you can’t remember then do you really deserve an explanation?”

Wells sighs. “Suppose not.”

“Goodnight.”

*****

I stare at the curtains. They slightly move as the wind blows in from the open window. A shiver runs up and down my spine as the wind starts blowing harder.

“Mmm”, Wells shifts behind me. His arms tighten around my waist.

_ I wonder if there are any guards out right now. _

The curtains move revealing the outside world. The moon is the only source of light. The only thing letting me see the faint outline of the trees that lie beyond the fence. The stars still twinkle at me as though they are waving.

I feel the need to go outside, to leave this place. To find something. I shrug it off as the need to pee as I don’t wanna leave the warmth of the blanket. My eyes slowly close as I try to think about something else.

Sleep doesn’t come to me no matter how hard I try.

_ Do I have to pee that bad? _

“Wells”, I whisper the name a couple of times. When he doesn’t wake up I elbow him in the gut.

“Gah!”, Wells looks around. His eyes are wide before he realizes it was me. “What’s wrong?”

“I have to use the restroom… could you let me go?”

With a grunt he releases me. “Didn’t have to elbow me.”

I decide not to respond to the guy. He’s just grumpy and tired.

I leave the hut, the door slightly opened as I stand outside.

_ Now what? _

The wind blows in my face, a whisper creeping into my ear.

“ _ Run _ .”

_ But where? _

I don’t have time to think about it as my wolf comes out. I feel my senses heighten. My feet tingle for a few seconds before I start running. My paws hitting the ground as I run towards the fence. The wind blows on my face as I pick up speed. I watch my surroundings but try keep my main focus on the fence. It’s about a 6 foot jump. I calculate at what spot I need to jump. I eye the ground and decide the best place to jump is by the soccer ball. As the fence gets closer I finally jump.

In that instant I feel like I’m finally in control. I look down watching the ground. The fence passes under me before I start falling. My ankles hurt when I land on the ground.

_ Note to self, land in a way that you’ll fall to the ground. _

Shaking out my fur I start walking. I follow along the path in hopes I get somewhere. 

A bush wiggles as a growl comes from it. It keeps shaking, a few leaves falling off.

I look around. The feeling of regret erupts from me.

_ If I run to the tree in front of me, I could turn around and jump back over the fence. _

I begin to miss the warmth of the bed. The soft blankets that would hug me as I slept. The feeling becomes stronger when two yellow eyes stare into mine. They watch my every move. A big paw appears from the bush and the creature slowly walks towards me. Its teeth shine in the darkness of the night.

I take a few cautious steps back before turning to run. I get some distant between me and the creature before I realize the creature is saving its energy. It’ll have a random burst of speed. It’ll grab onto my neck and b-

**SNAP**

Everything around me becomes a blur as I’m lifted into the air. My already sore ankle screams in pain. The pain runs up my spine before moving back to my ankle. I twist and turn as my body bounces up and down from a branch. 

The beast eyes me before grunting. I watch it turn and walk away, it’s body disappearing into the night.

I turn back to a human. My arms loosely hang as I feel the blood rushing to my head. “Great”, I sigh. “I’m gonna die hanging from a rabbit trap.”

I allow my body to loosely hang. I can feel puke threatening to fall as the slight swaying gets to my head, or foot in this situation.

There’s a whistle as an arrow flies by me. 

“What the-”, my body goes flying towards the ground. My face is the first thing to hit the ground. The pain from my ankle comes back. “Who the he…”.

Two feet appear in front of me. I follow the feet up to the legs which lead to the stomach. I keep looking up the body expecting to see tentacles and antlers. Instead of tentacles and antlers sticking out of the ass, I see a normal human. A woman to be exact.

She has her arms crossed as she eyes me. She seems to be confused. She looks behind me. “You’re alone…”, she crouches in front of me. “Ok loner, what are you doing on Trikru territory?”


	5. Today

September 10th, 5057

I don't remember much of what happened after the woman found me, but in my defense she did knock me unconscious. However, She was kind enough to untangle me before doing so. I do remember our short conversation.

"Well?", the woman looks at me expectantly. "How'd you get stuck in a trap?"

"It's a uh… long story."

"I got time."

"Listen lady, I don't. I have places to be, things to do", I wiggle my foot in the trap. My ankle seems to shake it's head no as the pain comes back. Sighing in frustration, I go limp on the ground. "But this stupid trap is preventing me", I grumble into the dirt.

"Why are you in such a hurry?", the woman takes out a knife.

I swallow past a lump in my throat. "I have to l-leave before the sun rises", I can feel my teeth chattering as the coldness wraps it's fingers around me. 

The woman doesn't seem affected by the cold. "Interesting… you on some trip or something?", She reaches towards me with the knife.

"I suppose you could say that… I'm more of running away."

"May I ask why?", there's a tiny snap as she cuts the rope.

"Once again, it's a long story. Thanks for the help", I push myself to my feet. "I have to go".

"Your hurt."

_ No shit Sherlock. _

I slowly turn around to face her.

"How about I take you to my village. Get you something warm and maybe help your ankle."

I don't disagree with her but at the same time I don't want to go.

A rustle behind me catches my attention. I turn to face the bush. Two yellow eyes stare at me, a growl rumbling from the bush. 

I take a cautious step backwards, my body hitting something. Before I can turn around, something is stabbed into my neck. Everything around me begins to wobble then change color. When I look at my hands, they look like they're turning to jelly. My body begins to melt as everything fades to a black.

*****

September 12th, 5057

“And that brings us to now.”

The woman leans back and crosses her arms. I try to tell what she’s thinking based on what she does but I get nothing. 

_ She’s harder to read than most. She must be trained. _

“So…”, she bites the inside of her mouth before continuing. “You’re a coward?”

_ Is that all she got from my 'story'? _

“I’d prefer caitiff but sure...”, I awkwardly cough. "Coward works".

“Why caitiff?”

“Sounds cooler.”

The woman makes a weird face that brings a smile to my face. I quickly try to hide it as she now looks offended.

“Something amusing?”

“No”, I cough and force a frown. “Not at all.”

I see the corners of the wand mouth wiggle. She's quick to hide it before I can decipher what it was. “Right. Well…”, she eyes me. “I never got your name.”

“I could say the same to you”, I stop frowning. “Clarke.”

“Well Clarke, I have to take you back to where you came from. Obviously you have an important role back at your camp. I’m pretty, no, I am sure your people are wondering as to where you went.”

“I don’t wanna go back though.”

“And I would respect your decision”, she stands up. “If you weren’t some naive teenager.”

“I’m 18”, I puff out my chest.

The woman shakes her. “Eight-TEEN”, she makes sure to say the ‘teen’ part very clearly.

_ That's a tad bit of an over exaggeration. _

“And how old are you? You don’t look a day over 19.”

“I’ll gladly inform you that I am 25 years old.”

I stare at the woman. My eyes take in every feature she has. She looks so young. Though the clothes she wears does give that early 20 vibes but then again… most Trikru people do wear something like that.

Even the old and wrinkly ones.

They appear to be stretchy pants with a jean like style. A flexible tank top and a light, almost see through, jacket. 

_ Are these people always ready for an attack? _

When I look around I spot all the different types of weapons this tent holds. There’s a circle in the middle of the huge tent that has dirt. 

_ Is that a training area? _

When my eyes stray from the eyes of the woman, I find myself looking at her chest. Not much to my surprise, she has breasts. More than I ever will… me a flat chested teenager. I notice some of the gray of her tank top is darker. It seems thick in those spots.

Without thinking I stand up and walk over to her. I’m already lifting up her shirt when her hand grabs my wrist. 

“What are you doing?”

“You’re hurt”, I shake my hand out of her grasp. “It’s just… I noticed.”

“It’s nothing too troublesome.”

“For a person in their early 20s, you sure do speak like an old lady”, I look up at the woman.

“Thank you, old people are smart and know a lot more than some cowardly-”

“Caitiff”, I cut her off.

“Than some caitiff 15 year old.”

“18”, I glare at her. 

“Sure, sure”, the woman steps away from me. “Now come on, I have things to do today.”

"If memory serves me right, I had things to do and you knocked me unconscious."

"Oh let go of the past love", she dismissively waves her hand at me. "Hold onto it for too long and you'll be dragged down."

"It was two days ago!", I step away from the woman."And I was unconscious for one of them might I add."

"You may."

I watch the woman turn away, she opens the flap of her tent. When she notices I’m not moving, she glares at me.

“Why are you standing there looking so dumbfounded?”

“I told you, I’m not going home.”

“And I told you, I would let you stay and frolic around like some antelope on drugs, but I would only do so if you weren’t some caitiff teenager.”

“I don’t think it’s your decision as to what I do and don’t do.”

“It may not be but I don’t need another mouth to worry about.”

“Then don’t! Just let me leave this place and I won’t ever see you again.”

“I’m not going to leave a teenager on her own.”

“See”, I step towards her. “Now you’re forcing me into your business.”

The woman glares at me. I can tell she’s stuck on what to say. Her hand tightens on the flap. “Fine!”, she blurts out the words. “You are going to stay here for a max of 7 days. Then I am taking you back to your people.”

“I don’t w-”

“Take it or leave it.”

“Take it”, I whisper the words and look at the ground.   
“I can’t hear you.”

“I’ll take your stupid deal!”, I look at the woman.

“Watch your tone”, the woman steps back into the tent. “Ok then, since that’s handled… now I have to find you a place to sleep.”

“Can’t I sleep here?”

“With me?”

“Well not  _ with _ you… just… in this tent.”

“I don’t share my tent with people. Even my one nighters aren’t one nighters. It’s wait until I’m pleased and leave.”

I stare at the woman. 

_ She’s only in her early 20s yet she talks like she’s has a life full of sex. And why is she telling me this? Does she think I’m attracted to her? I’m only 18. _

“My eyes are up here.”

I look the woman in her eyes. “I can sleep on the floor.”

“Ok”, she glances outside. “I have things to do… stay out of trouble. Cause any and you’re out of here.”

I nod. "Can I ask something?".

"You're going to anyways."

"You send seven days then I'm going back… does that mean I'm going home no matter what?"

The woman nods. "I'm letting you stay so I can hopefully let you decide to go home instead of me forcing you", she opens the flap even more. "Goodbye Clarke."

I watch the flap sway back and forth after she leaves.

_ I never got her name! _

I make a quick decision to go after her. I take a few steps out of then tent. Standing on my toes I can faintly see the top of her head. “Wait!”

The words escape me before I can stop them. Not that I wasn't going to say it...

The woman stops walking. She looks around for a few seconds before her eyes land on me. “Yes?”

“I never got your name.”

A few people glance at us but most people carry on with their day. 

“Lexa.”

********

(Raven’s POV)

I stare at the ceiling fan. It slightly moves back and forth as it spins. The motion makes a 'tic tic tic' as it moves. I find it annoying so I make a mental note to fix it.

Abby would probably appreciate due to this being her room.

When I think of Abby I remember why I'm here. My eyes search the room, everything is blurry as my tears just beginning to dry. I wipe them but the blurriness stays.

Abby paces in the room, her strides longer than usual. “Where did that girl go?”, she mumbles to herself as she bites her nails.

I glance at Octavia who also looks worried. Her eyes keep darting around the room and frequently look at the door, almost like she expects Clarke to walk in at any given moment.

I, However, know better.

In all honesty I can’t blame O for being so worried. She worked days and nights to make her friend a gorgeous dress, then her friend disappears in the middle of the night.

“Did we check all of Skaikru’s land?”, Wells speaks up. His foot tapping on the ground. When he becomes aware of this, he stops. Though he stopped tapping, his knee bounces up and down.

Abby glances at Wells. Her mouth is open as though words are gonna come out, but they don't. Instead of forcing them, she looks at Kane. Kane only nods.

“Did we talk with the neighboring clans?”, this time Abby is the one to speak up.

Another nod from Kane.

“God… where did that girl go?”

I look at my hands. A part of me hopes Clarke ran away, hopes she will manage to find a place to be happy. But that part of me also knows something bad happened to her and that her body might be floating down a river.

“You’re quiet”, Kane looks at me.

“Sorry… it’s just”, I look around. “I’m worried for Clarke.”

“We all are”, he eyes me.

_ No you’re not. _

Wells begin to tap his foot again. “And they just had to take her on m- our wedding.”

“Let’s just keep trying to find her. She’s destined to show up at one point or another”, Abby walks over to the map on the wall.

“Whether it be dead or alive”, Kane mumbles to himself as he leaves the hut.

Everyone slowly leaves the hut. I eventually follow due to the point I can no longer stand Abby’s mumbling. I stand outside the hut, my hands are hidden in the pockets of my pants.

_ Blondie, where did you go? _


	6. Chapter 6

********

(Clarke’s POV)

“Lexa”, the woman smiles at me.

I nod in response, the words not coming out of my mouth. I know that if words did manage to come out, they wouldn't form a sentence anyways.

I watch her turn around and continue on her way. I wonder what she has to do… I wonder what her role in this camp is.

A part of me has a feeling she plays a big, important role in this camp. Just an assumption due to the way people nod at her as she walks. All I am sure of is that she doesn't run from her problems. She seems too sophisticated to do so.

"Coward", I whisper the words to myself. 

_ Am I a coward? _

What justifies as cowardly and not cowardly? Is when someone calls you that or you believe that? I could ask around but it's all based on personal opinion.

_ I didn't think I was being cowardly… I thought I was brave. _

Shaking my head I go back into the tent. Now that she’s gone and I have no one to talk (more like argue) with, the tent seems pretty lonely. I decide to get a general idea of this place considering I’m gonna spend a max of 7 days here. 

As I walk around I notice a few things. I’ve been staying in the living room part of the tent. The first thing I notice is that tents are nothing like huts. There are no walls to seperate things and give you privacy. There are no windows to let the air in and out. The ‘walls’ of the tent are way better at blocking outside noise than the huts at my camp are. 

When I was looking out it seemed that this tent is the biggest. It’s straight in the middle and lies next to a rather big building. It also has guards all around the tent.

_ The woman… Lexa must be an important person to these people. _

There’s a leather couch that has the pelt of a bear on the back, in the ‘living room’. I sit on the couch and find that it is really comfortable. These people do not have a tv like the huts that do. There’s a few shelves that have books. One shelf has a fish tank. A few fish swim around and an eel peeks out from a log every so often. I look at the table that rests a few feet away from the couch. Some stuff lies on it. The main focus seems to be a map. One spot on the map is clear of junk and is circled. I eye it trying to figure out why it is so important.

Looking behind me I spot a huge bed. Its blankets seems to be the furs of animals that once roamed the world. The biggest blanket is the fur of a bear. It’s soft but hard at the same time. On both sides of the bed, there are night stands. One has a lamp that the base is a bear head and the other has a few books. On the right side of the room are some drawers.

I walk over to the drawers and open them. The top one is full of many colored cloths. I dig through and look at them.

“What are these?”

I bend and twist them hoping to tell what they are. My face turns beet red when I realize they’re underwear. 

“She wears thongs?!”, I drop the underwear and quickly close the drawer.

Under the top drawer is a bunch of shirts. Nothing fancy so I’m guessing she sleeps in them instead of going outside in public with them on.

Under the second drawer is a bunch of bras. I decide not to focus too long on that drawer. Since that’s all the drawers I head over to the closet like build. It isn’t a real closet, more like a wardrobe. It holds fancy dresses, cool shirts, and expensive shoes.

When I look at the ground I see a pink pair of underwear. I crouch down and look at it.

_ Too tiny to be the same size as the ones on the top drawer. Is this one of Lexa’s many sex partners? _

I shrug the thought off and sit on the bed. It’s really comfortable… seems to be made of the same material of the couch. I look at the table I was at earlier. It’s cleaned off. The bowl from earlier no longer there.

_ Did someone sneak in and clean up? How did I not notice? _

My face heats up again. 

_ Did they see me digging around in the drawer? _

I shake my head and head to the kitchen area. I tear through the kitchen for some food but there’s nothing. There is stuff but all of it has to be made with other stuff in order for it to taste decent.

“What does this woman eat?”

I do another quick search before deciding there really is nothing to eat. My best choice at the current moment is to go find something to eat.

I look around making sure that I didn’t leave a mess. If I leave a mess then I have to go home or run away.

When I approve that there is no mess I head towards the flap of the tent and leave.

_ I should probably get comfortable with the camp. _

********

(Lexa’s POV)

I stare ahead of me, my finger tapping on my arm. My foot moves up and down. I hate when I do unnecessary movements but I may no effort to stop.

_ Listen, listen. _

I tell myself to focus on the meeting, to clean mind but it doesn't work.

I know I should be listening to the meeting, it does concern me afterall. However, when I do try to focus on it, my mind keeps going to the blonde. Her blue eyes seem to be the main thing that keeps drawing my mind away. Then it's her body, then the worry that my tent might be fucked up when I get back.

_ Or maybe that she won’t be there when I get back _ .

I quickly dismiss that thought with a shake of my head.

My eyes go from the door to the table. I have a deep wish for something to happen, something big that'll distract me.

After minutes of hope and nothing happening, I decide to focus on something else. Something that isn't the meeting or the blonde.

I stare at a dark spot on the table. My surroundings are slowly pushed away as the dark spot seems to twist and wiggle. Pretty soon it looks like the outline of a woman.

I find myself slightly leaning forward, my eyes squinting at the spot.

“Heda.”

My eyes snap to Indra. My surroundings are back to normal. “Yes?”

“One of Floukru guards is here”, Indra eyes me.

“Oh… I’ll uh…”, I glance at the spot. It’s just a normal dark spot now. Clearing my throat I continue, “I’ll be there in a second or two.”

Indra nods. “Are you feeling ok Heda?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

*****

Everyone steps out of the way as I approach the gate. There’s not an actual gate, we don’t have anything surrounding our camp. People call it the gate because of the invisible line we all imagine. All Trikru camps are like that, we imagine the invisible line. It's like that at my parents camp too.

“What brings you here?”, I ask a guard.

Luna smiles at me. “Why the serious look friend?”

“You don’t visit unless you have to. Is your queen complaining again?”

“You know that bitch, she’s always complaining about something”, Luna rolls her eyes.

_ I’ll never understand how she can talk so lowly about her queen. It’s probably best to not ask. _

“I’m glad the ultimate ruler isn’t a bitch”, she smirks at me. “Then again, you’re not very far from one.”

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

“Depends… how do you take it?”

“Get on with it Luna.”

“Anywho, I brought someone to you. They said they knew you or some shiz like that, well didn't say that but I assumed.”

I watch Luna pull Clarke out from behind her. The blonde has something covering her mouth and her hands are tied.

Hasn’t even been a day and she’s already in trouble. I shake my head in hopes to calm the anger rising inside me.

“So you don’t know her… she had your scent on her.”

Sighing I say, “yes, I know that kid”. I give Clarke a look.

Clarke looks at the ground smart enough to know she’s in trouble. She takes a step back then to the left, so she’s somewhat hidden behind Luna. 

“One of your nightly swings?”, Luna takes the stuff off Clarke.

“Sure”, I grab Clarke by the wrist and pull her towards me. She doesn’t try to pull away but she does step away.

“Well, I’m gonna leave”, Luna tips the rim of her hat before leaving.

I watch Luna walk away. When her figure is no longer visible, my attention goes to Clarke who has her eyes focused on a leaf. 

“Well?”

Clarke shrugs.

“You had one job.”

Clarke glances at me.

“Would you say something!”, I snap at her. There’s nothing I hate more than the silent treatment. “What the hell were you doing on Floukru territory?!”

“Well…”


	7. Chapter 7

(A few hours before Luna, when Lexa is still at the meeting)

********

(Clarke’s POV)

I walk through the camp on the search for food. A few people stop what they’re doing to watch me. Others ignore me as though I’m not there. I do notice the weird looks I get. A part of me wonders if they know I’m from the camp they’re having a war with. The camp that killed more than 100 of their people. Shot down one of their villages.

The more I think about, the more I feel guilty.

What does stick out to me is the fact that I don’t blend in. I have clothes that they would call weird but I could say the same about their clothes. I guess it’s all based on opinion.

_ Just like everything else. _

I ignore their looks and stares as I go stand to stand. People sell weird things at these stands. Some sell jewelry while others sell clothes. When I do go to the stands, people stop looking at me like I’m alien. They put on a fake smile and offer their things.

They probably saw me with Lexa and figured I was rich. 

I have to politely refuse all the people since no one sells what I seek most.

_ Where do they get their food? _

I don’t stick around to find out. When I look around, I notice that these people don’t have a 6 foot fence surrounding everything. One could leave if they wished, which I wish to do.

I get farther and farther from the camp. A part of me wants to run and never come back but I knew I couldn’t do that. Lexa is probably the only way I can survive.

The farther I head into the woods, the thicker the trees get. Animals become more constant. Squirrels are the thing I see most but every now and then you may spot a deer or rabbit. There’s the occasional growl but it’s just an overprotective raccoon. A few times it’s me growling at nothing.

My feet come to a stop as I look at the spot in front of me. My wolf has an uneasy feeling about that spot so I sidestep it. When I’m about to go deeper into the woods, I hear a twig snap. I don’t have time to run as a hand wraps around my mouth.

“What are you doing on Floukru territory?”, someone whispers into my ear.

_ Is every part of the forest owned by someone?! _

I grab onto the person’s arm.

With the sudden movement, a knife is pressed to my throat. I can hear the person sniffing me. They let me go. “Interesting… why do you smell like Lexa?”

I open my mouth. “HE-”

Something is stuffed into my mouth.

“You just had to go and screw things up, tsk tsk.”

(present moment)

I watch Lexa’s face. She’s not happy, in fact she’s pissed.

“You were supposed to stay in the tent.”

“You never said that.”

“I said to stay out of trouble.”

“I didn’t know trouble would find me in the forest.”

“What do you think happens in there!”

_ What does happen in there?  _

Now that I have time to think about, I realize I don’t know what happens outside of the 6 foot fence. Can anyone really blame me though? I was told myths but I just shrugged them off. Maybe they had some truth to them. 

“Clarke!”

“I don’t know!”

Lexa throws her arms in the air, “I’m talking to a complete idiot.”

I tilt my head, “I thought I was a caitiff teenager”.

“You still are!”, she pinches the bridge of her nose. “Listen kid-”

“Clarke.”

“Clarke… I can’t babysit you for 7 days straight. I need you to use your head.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I don’t have to use my head?”

“No, babysit me.”

“Obviously I do, you’re lucky you ran into Luna. If it was someone else then I would’ve got your head with a bow on it.”

“Wouldn’t that be good then? No more me to stress you out.”

Lexa’s eyes flash a red. Her calm demeanor disappears and goes to mad. “You really are dumb!”, she’s yelling. “Do you really think I want you dead?! If I wanted you dead I would’ve killed you myself by now. I’m not letting you stay so we can form some friendship or because I need a tick on me! I’m letting you stay so eventually I can return you to your home!”

I step back. If I squint at her neck I can see a vein.

“Last thing I want is you dead! What do you think is gonna happen, your clan is gonna find me and assume we killed you! I don't’ need two wars at once!”

By now I’m several steps away from Lexa. My eyes focus on a flower by my feet. I can hear Lexa taking deep breaths as she tries to calm down. I can also hear her cussing me out under her breath.

I can’t remember the last time I was yelled at, I do however remember running off and crying. I refused to talk to the person and ever since we’ve had a bad relationship.

I run my hand up and down my arm, the cold begins to effect me. A few minutes pass and Lexa finally stops. With an angry grunt she heads towards the tent. I don’t know if I should follow so I stay when I am.

“Clarke!”

I jump at her screaming my name. After a deep breath I follow her into the tent.


	8. Chapter 8

********

(Lexa’s POV)

When I finally have the sense to calm down and no longer want to kill the kid, I realize how hungry I am. “What do you want to eat for dinner?”, I’m already digging through the kitchen as I ask the question. When I don’t get a response, I look behind me. “Clarke?”

The blonde stands by the table, her hands in her pockets. She keeps her eyes on the ground.

“Well… what’ll it be?”

The blonde shrugs. She kicks at the ground as she gives me a quick glance. 

Sighing I turn and face her. “Look”, I lean against the counter. “I’m sorry ok? I didn’t mean to yell at you or even get angry.”

The blonde is still silent.

“Clarke”, I try to coax her to look at me but she doesn’t.

_ What do I do in this type of situation? _

I walk over to her and lightly poke her. She steps away. “Fine, we’ll eat what I want.”

The tent is silent as I prepare the food. Every few minutes I’ll ask Clarke a question in hopes she’ll respond but she just nods, shrugs or shakes her head. I get shrugs more often than the other two ‘options’. Once the food is prepared we sit down to eat. The blonde picks at it, I do take notice that she forces some in her mouth.

“So…”, I smash my mashed potatoes. I don't enjoy mashed potatoes but a part of me guessed Clarke would enjoy them. 

I know I'm right when those are the first thing to disappear from her plate.

I’m desperate to find something to talk about. “How about you tell me about home?”

Clarke, finally, looks at me. She tilts her head. Her eyes run over me repeatedly before she shakes her head.

“Why not?”

She shrugs.

_ Wow, she’s mad. Is she mad? I don't know. _

Sighing I rest my head in my hands. I’m so used to being by myself and having to deal with myself, which is hard enough, but now I have her.

"Ok then… um… did you enjoy your adventure into the woods?"

Clarke nods.

"That's nice."

Clarke nods and eyes what's on her plate. She moves a few things around but doesn't eat it.

I push my plate to the center. "Want my potatoes?"

Clarke stares at me. She almost looks fearful, like prey when it senses a trap.

"Go ahead, I wasn't gonna eat them."

Clarke nods and dips her fork into them. 

When dinner is over I change into something more comfortable. I make a note to shower tomorrow before my hair is a tangled mess. After this mental note, I crawl into bed. I’m about to blow out the candle when I realize Clarke is still standing. “Oh… um… do you want me to grab some blankets?”

She nods.

“Ok, stay there.”

_ Not like she was gonna move anyways. _

I gather some blankets and a pillow from the closet. When I lay them out, Clarke hesitantly gets on them. I wait for her to adjust before I climb back into my bed. 

“Well then… goodnight.”

*****

I stare into the dark as I listen to the chatter of Clarke’s teeth. I know she’s cold, I’m a little cold myself. I don’t know how to solve the problem considering all the blankets I have are being used.

In the end I close my eyes and repeatedly tell myself to ignore it and go to sleep. I have things to do later today. 

September 13th, 5057

When my eyes open to the sound of a bird singing its song, I feel tired. For the first time ever, I want to go back to bed. I want the sun to go back down and let me sleep. I’ve never felt like this so I have no idea what to do. 

I find my mind wandering to a million thoughts as I try to figure out why I feel like this. I slept fine last night, except for the occasional sneeze or cough from Clarke. I mean, not that those were the thing that bugged me. Maybe more the fact that she was cold.

In the end I come to the conclusion that maybe Clarke’s ‘suffering’ kept me up. Maybe she was too loud but even I know that’s not true. Somewhere deep down I know I couldn't sleep because Clarke was freezing, because I felt guilty. 

I try to dismiss the thought but it keeps coming back. I question as to why I care though, she’s just a flea on my skin. I only have to deal with her for 6 days before I can go back to my normal life.

“Normal life”, I whisper the words. “What’s normal for me?”

********

(Clarke’s POV)

I follow Lexa out of the tent, she stops outside and looks around. I can see she’s stressed as she thinks about something.

She mumbles a few things but I can never hear what words. They come out as mumbo jumbo as she shakes her head at the end of each sentence. “God dammit”, she whispers the words as she kicks a rock.

Not wanting to make her more mad, I step away and remain silent.

“Indra!”

A bald woman walks over to us, she has a spear in her hand. I recognize her as one of Lexa’s guards, I’ve never heard this woman speak before. She always nods or shakes her head. Sometimes she says something weird like “heard” or “head” something close to that.

“Yes?”

“I need you to watch Clarke while I do some things today. She is not to leave your sights or leave this camp.”

I open my mouth to object but Lexa gives me a look.

“Have something you wish to say?”

I shake my head. “Not at all.”

“Good”, Lexa starts walking. “I’ll visit around lunch”, she stops. “Try to behave.”

I nod, my eyes still on Indra. Once Lexa is gone I’m left with Indra. I step away from the woman as she wears a scowl on her face. She probably would like to do other things that don't involve babysitting a teenager.

A few minutes pass and neither of us have spoken. She doesn’t seem bothered by silence, she looks rather pleased. I, however, am not. “So…”, I trail off as I realize I have nothing to say.

Indra looks at me, her eyes cold as ice.

I quickly look away and start walking. I head towards the edge of the camp.

If I remember correctly, there should be a berry bush not too far from here. I saw some kids eating some yesterday.

I’m about to run when I spot the bush but Indra grabs me.

“You are not allowed to leave.”

“Says who?”, I shake her off.

“My queen says so”, Indra steps towards me.

“Aren’t you suppose to watch me? Like that’s all?”

“I can’t let you leave.”

“Well I’m going”, I head towards the bush. I feel my feet lift from the ground as my back slams into the dirt. The air is knocked out of me. My vison goes blurry for a few seconds as the air begins to come back.

Indra looks down at me. “You are to stay in the camp.”

Not being able to manage words, I give her a shaky thumbs up.

*****

I feel as though I am gonna go crazy. Indra is always two steps behind me, she’s always correcting me on things I do or reminds me of things I can’t do. My back hurts from all the jabs I get from her spear. Everytime I look at her, it looks like she's enjoying the torture she is laying upon me.

A few times I’ve managed to sneak off when she’s talking or helping someone. When she finds me she gives me an earful. She’s keeping a closer watch on me due to the escaping. I look up at the sky wishing for the sun to move fast and bring lunch along.

“Too close to the edge.”

“Sorry”, I grumble the word as I turn around.

********

(Lexa’s POV)

“I want mo-”

The metal doors open cutting me off. A cheerful Luna skips in with a “how do ya do”. She doesn’t seem aware that she interrupted a meeting.

I watch her skip over to me and wrap her arms around me. “What are you doing here?”

“Now that’s just plain old rude”, Luna lightly smacks my hand. “I’m off duty so I figured I would see if that blonde is alive or not”, Luna lets me go and leans against the table.

“She is.”

“Not for long”, Luna giggles then fiddles with her glove. “God, I can never get this thing off.”

“What do you mean by not for long?”

“Oh… you don’t know?”, Luna tilts her head. “What a shame… well I’d finish your little meeting before you find out.”

Luna’s gone as fast as she came. I figure she’s trying to make me play one of her stupid games so I drop the subject.

Only a part of me drops the subject even though I will the rest of me to do the same. 

*****

“Meeting closed”, I stand up and leave the meeting room. My feet go rather fast as I search for Clarke. The thought leaves my mind when I see a crowd has formed.

I can hear silent murmurs from where I stand but when I get closer, I hear whimpering. A person growls and the smell of pheromones wafts through the air.

_ Is there some mates fighting again? _

Mates fighting is a rare occasion. One time it was over children and the other time was because the Omega wanted to mate with someone else. Said something about her current mate's penis being too tiny.

I push my way through the crowd until I reach the front. I stare at the scene before me. Clarke lies on the ground, her face pushed into the ground by Indra’s foot.

Every few seconds Clarke will whimper, her body shaking as she does so.

Indra stares down at her, her pheromones overpowering Clarke's. I doubt Clarek is releasing some anyways. “You do not speak to me that way”, Indra growls at Clarke.

Clarke growls back. I can see her throat vibrating as she does so. This causes Indra to step harder on her face.

I’m tempted to leave the situation but something won’t let me.

"Am I clear", Indra pressed harder.

I can hear Clarke struggling to breathe. She has plenty of room to breathe so I can't quite figure out why she can't breathe.

Maybe she hates confinement but no one is trapping her in. Probably panicking… maybe?

“I said to watch her, not smash her into the ground”, my voice comes out as a growl.

A few people step away from the scene.

Indra looks at me. “I was only teaching her her place.”

“That is not what I asked you to do”, I cross my arms. My pheromones are slowly becoming stronger. “What did I ask you to do?”

“But Heda-”

“Answer me!”, I walk towards Indra, stopping when we’re inches apart.

“Watch her”, Indra keeps eye contact with me.

The longer I look into her eyes, the more I feel threatened. Something inside me snaps. I see red as I attack Indra, my wolf coming out to do the dirty deed.

My rampage is cut off when I hear a weak “Lexa” escape from Clarke. I turn back to a human and face her. She sits on the ground, her body leaning back against Luna’s legs.

Sighing I look at Indra. “Don’t you ever do that again!”

Indra nods. 

“I expected better from you, I really did. From here until I say, you are suspended from your duties.”

Indra stares up at me with horror.

“Am I understood?”

She nods.

“Good”, I’m about to head over to Clarke when I hear the whinney of a horse.

Luna stares into the distance. “Kane.”

I hear everyone go silent, even the groaning of Indra goes silent. In the distance I can hear a leaf hit the forest floor. Then the scamper of playful wolf cubs follows.

“Watch Clarke”, I head towards the ‘gate’ to meet Kane and his men. 

A few guards stand at the gate, they still sit among their horses. The horses sniff our ground but don't eat anything.

He opens his mouth to talk but someone else is quick to speak first.

Kane, the ex leader of Skaikru, steps forward. “We came to ask you if you have seen someone.”

I wait for Kane to continue. To my surprise he doesn’t, he seems to be waiting for me to say something. “Do you expect me to have one of your people?”

“I’m not going to answer that.”

“A name would help.”

“The person we are looking for goes by the name of Clarke Griffin.”

_ Blondie. _

I open my mouth to answer but when I see the big blue orbs, I close my mouth. They're too innocent and full of faith for me to say anything.

_ I can’t rat her out. I did promise 7 days. _

A part of me knows that if I were to say something I wouldn’t be ratting her out anyways. One of Kane’s men is destined to see her. In the corner of my eyes I see my people slowly block Clarke. This brings hope that maybe they won’t spot her.

“I have not seen nor talked to any of your people lately”, I want to end this conversation rather fast.

“Are you sure? One of our people picked up on her scent. It se-”

“I have not seen one of your people”, I look Kane in the eyes.

“I don’t fully trust you. In the past you have held many of our people as prisoners. Now, it would be easier on both of us if you come and tell the truth”, Kane steps forward. I take the movement as a threat. 

My guards seem to think the same as they grip their weapons but they don’t move.

“We both have things we want to do”, Kane eyes my guards.

“Don’t you talk to me like I am someone lower than you”, I step forward. “Remember whose land your feet lie on”, I growl at him.

“I would never talk to you like that. I a-”

“I don’t have one of your people!”, the hair on my neck rises. “Leave before I send my men on you.”

“As you wish”, Kane turns but doesn’t walk away. “I know you have her, if you do not give her up then expect the war to get worse. Expect your people to fall one by one. I will get what I want.”

“Bring it all Kane, bring it all.”

Kane walks away with his men following.

Once they’re gone, I squeeze my arm. 

_ Did I really just risk my people for some random kid? _

Groaning I roll my neck. “Clarke… you’re from Skaikru?”

“Yes.”

I can hear the hesitation in her voice. A few people step away from her, Luna even loosens her grip on her. 

“When were you gonna say it?”

“I… I don’t know. I figured it would be best if you never knew.”

“What kind of logic is that?!”

“I don’t know.”

I rub the side of my head as a headache begins knocking at my door. “I’ll never understand you.”

“I could say the same to you.”

“Oh, do explain”, I hide the fact that I rolled my eyes.

“Why didn’t you let me leave?”

I take note of the anger in her voice.

She’s suddenly mad at me? At me?!

"Was I supposed to?”

“Yes!”, she yells the word at me.

When I turn to look at her, she’s sitting on her knees. Her hands are fists in the dirt as she glares at me. “You just risked your people!”

“And?”

“And? And! You just killed people for what? For some kid you just met.”

“My people are strong, we know how to survive.”

“But my people, Skaikru, have my mom as a leader. She will kill whoever she must to get what she wants.”

“She may flake.”

“But she won’t.”

“Listen”, I step towards her. “I promised seven days, I am determined to give you those seven days. End of discussion.”

Clarke only shakes her head but she doesn’t say anything.

I walk over to her and crouch down. “Are you ok?”

Clarke nods.

Reaching out I gently grab her chin. I lift it up so I can see her face. A little dirty from the dirt but nothing seems to be bleeding. I use my sleeve to wipe the dirt away. “Come on”, I help her to her feet.

*****

_ I need to restock. _

I make that mental note as I dig through the kitchen. “God dammit Luna.”

That stupid bitch was digging around in here. She even ate my crackers.

"The one thing I said not to eat", I toss the empty box to the floor.

“So what’s gonna happen to Indra?”, a cheerful Clarke speaks up from the table.

“I don’t know, she might help with the children or just mope around”, I open a jar of peanuts.

“Were you that mad?”

“I assume so”, I pop a peanut in my mouth as I turn to face her. “Peanut?”

“I’m allergic.”

“Oh… sorry."

“It’s fine… so, you’re a black wolf.”

“Yes, yes I am.”

“You’re eyes were blood red as you attacked Indra. You drew blood from her.”

She talks as though she’s never seen a wolf fight. Maybe she can’t change forms.

“I didn’t expect you to attack… I figured you would turn and leave… but you didn’t. You actually saved me”, she giggles to herself. “One might assume you actually like me”, Clarke starts laughing as though the thought is a joke.

I feel myself freeze. My eyes stare into the jar of peanuts. 

_ Assume I like her. _

I feel as though my appetite has gone through the window so I set the peanuts down.

_ Why did I save her? It’s not like I had to… I more of chose to. But why? _


	9. Chapter 9

********

(Clarke’s POV)

I wipe my eyes as tears begin to fall. I have to think of something not funny to stop laughing. “That’s great, the idea of you ac-”

“Stop”, Lexa cuts me off. “Let’s… let’s uh, move on from that topic.”

I’m about to ask ‘what’s wrong’ when a woman walks into the tent. She has a long plate that has food stacked upon it.

_ How did they know Lexa had nothing to eat? _

The woman smiles and nods to me. I watch her take the food off the plate and put it on the table. I feel like she's some waitress or something. Shes dressed like one. When I look at her face I can see that her eyes are focused on Lexa. Mainly the part between her legs.

_ What's there to see? _

"Costia", Lexa looks at the "waitress". "Tell them to restock my kitchen sometime tomorrow."

"Sha Heda", the woman, Costia, nods to Lexa.

I eye the stuff on the table. It all seems delicious but I do notice random lumps of stuff. I've never tried their food so I can't really judge it quite yet.

"Do you guys have water?", I look up at Costia.

She nods. "Glass or jug?"

“Gla-”

"Get a jug, I have a feeling Clarke will drink more than one glass. I'd like some water too", Lexa shoes Costia away.

Once the water arrives and Costia is gone, Lexa asks, “shall we eat?”

Dinner is quiet as we eat. Lexa doesn’t seem in the talking mood and I’m too busy picking at something in the food. It takes a few minutes for me to gather the courage to finally ask.

"What exactly is this?", I roll the lump around my plate.

"That's", Lexa stabs the lump with her fork. "A worm", she flicks the lump to the floor.

I stare at the lump on the floor. My mouth hangs open as I feel like the food I rising out of my throat. "You're kidding", I look at Lexa.

"Wish I was", she shrugs as though it's nothing.

"Lexa."

"Clarke."

“No, Lexa”, I start getting panicked.

“No, Clarke”, Lexa casually moves around her mashed potatoes.

"Lexa!", I scream her name as I stand up on my chair. I shake my hands from fear. "It's moving!"

Lexa looks up at me then at the worm then back to me. "That's what worms do", she eats a mouthful of mashed potatoes. "Bleh", she spits the potatoes into a napkin. "I hate those."

"I… I can't do this", I take the long way to my sleeping spot. "Goodnight Lexa."

I hide under the blanket to protect from the worms I imagine. A scream comes from my mouth as I feel something moving on my side. I rip the blanket off and look at my side.

Lexa smiles at me. "Relax, it's just my finger."

I stare up at her.

_ Is she… playing with me? Maybe mocking me. _

"Goodnight Clarke", Lexa blows out the candle.

As the light fades away I stare into Lexa’s eyes. She stares back, her eyes full of sympathy. I don’t know why she’d be sympathetic for me.

When the light finally fades away, I can no longer see the forest green eyes. Instead I’m stuck staring into the darkness. I hear Lexa sigh as she walks away.

*****

My eyes slowly open, the coldness getting to me. Or maybe it's the nightmares, I have no way of knowing. 

When I stretch my limbs, I can hear the bones popping. I realize I was sleeping in the fetal position. I normally sleep like that when a nightmare occurs.

_ I guess that's my answer to what woke me. _

“Le-”, I cut myself off when I hear a light snore. I take a few cautious steps towards Lexa before stopping. There's a worm somewhere on this floor.

I listen to Lexa’s breathing for a few seconds before standing up.

I walk on the tip of my toes all the way over to Lexa and place a hand on her shoulder. She lets out a soft whimper before hiding her face in a pillow.

She reacts in her sleep. But why'd she whimper? I'm about to press harder when the need to pee gets stronger.

_ Guess I’ll have to find the bathroom myself. _

I’m about to leave the tent when I freeze. Won’t she get mad at me?

_ But you have to pee, she can’t get mad about that. _

What if she doesn’t pee?! Then she won’t know the pain.

I stifle a giggle and leave the tent. I head towards one of the public restrooms when I see movement in the forest. I shake my head and tell myself I'm just tired.

However the moment happens again. This time I know it's not my mind being an asshole to me.

I have to decide between going pee really quick but have the chance of losing the person or going after them and holding my pee. I chose the second option.

I’m about to follow the person when I stop. “But Lexa, she might get mad.”

I pace back and forth as I argue with myself. Half of my head is on ‘you should leave’ and the other half is on ‘go to the bathroom then go back to sleep’.

Shaking my head, I head into the woods. I can’t see very well even with the moons light. A part of me knows wolf form will do me good but hunters also roam at night so I decide against that.

Squirting in the dark helps but not too much. I just pray I don't run into some beast. I start to imagine the myths we were told at camp. Beats with horns on their asses or eyes where they shouldn't be… like a nipple or something.

I hear something snap under my foot. I jump away from a bush as a rabbit runs out from it. It's gone in a matter of seconds.

“God dammit!”

I turn to the noise expecting to see a creature but only see Luna.

“What are you doing out here blondie? Shouldn’t you have Lexa’s dick up you at a time like this?”

“Excuse me?!”

“Ah, so you’re not a sex partner. I figured that much considering she actually protected you.”

“Sex partner?”

“So, if you’re not a sex partner then what are you to Lexa?”

“Just a kid she has to watch.”

“Riiight, well you scared away my prey. How are you gonna repay me?”

“You were hunting?”

“Maybe I should use your body", her eyes go up and down my body.

I feel the need to cover myself but I remain still.

"Claim you as mine.”

“Are you gonna dodge all my questions?”

“Better yet, I should sell you out to men. They would pay a buttload for a 14 year old.”

“I’m 18.”

“So, how are you gonna repay me?”

“I don’t know.”

"Now I can't take that as an answer", she shakes her head. “Walk with me?”, Luna starts walking not giving me time to think about it.

I quickly catch up to her.

*****

“So what were you doing in the woods?”, Luna breaks the silence that has been going for a good hour or so.

“I saw you moving around and got curious.”

“Ok", she seems to accept that answer.

“Why are you hunting so late?”

“Someone has to bring food to my camp.”

“Is that your job?”

“Not exactly…”, Luna looks at something in the distance.

“Then you must be a guard.”

“Nope.”

“Ok then… what are you?”

“Shouldn’t you be getting home?”

I look around and realize just how far we’ve gotten from the camp. “Oh shit, thank you for reminding me.”

Luna just nods. 

I turn and run. As I run I feel Luna’s eyes on me.

I wonder why she wouldn’t tell me what her job is. Maybe it’s embarrassing like janitor or something. When I run into the camp, I spot a figure by Lexa’s tent. Squinting at it, it comes clears it’s Lexa. She has her arms crossed as she glares at me.

_ Well shit. _

“I told you to go pee then go back to bed”, I can practically hear the angel on my shoulder mocking me.

“Where did you go?”, Lexa follows me into the tent.


	10. Chapter 10

September 14th, 5057

I stand by Lexa, I was told to stay in her eyesight as she thinks some things over. I know she’s trying to figure out who to leave me with considering Indra is no longer an option. I begin to wonder if my face is gonna be in the dirt around lunch again.

_ That dirt did not taste too well. _

Lexa eyes the few guards that walk around. The guards tell people stuff as they enforce the laws made in this camp. A few give Lexa a friendly wave while others ignore her. I'm guessing she did something to anger them. Lexa doesn't come off as the forgiving type.

I spot Indra sharpening a knife as she sits on a bench. When she sees me looking, she gives me a glare and pretends to spot my throat with her knife.

I take a step back and also step closer to Lexa. I personally know I made it onto Indra’s kill list.

“Ignore her”, Lexa glances at me. I didn't think she was paying attention to me. “Who am I go-”

“Rawr!”, Luna jumps on Lexa. They both fall to the ground. Luna breaks out laughing, rolling off Lexa as she does.

Lexa, however, is not amused. She stands up and brushes herself off. “Why are you here Luna?”

“I came to visit. Jeez, did you not get pussy last night or something? I mean you have a lady right next to you."

Lexa looks at me. She eyes my body before shaking her head.

_ Guess I don't meet the proper requirements. _

I step away from Lexa and cross my arms.

Why am I getting mad about that? It's just stupid expectations.

_ But if they're stupid then why do I care? _

"She's only… what? 14?"

"I figured as much", Luna nods. "Considering the flat chest and cute features."

Feeling mad I ask, "don’t you have a job to do at your own camp? Like, oh I don’t know, cleaning shoes.”

Luna’s smile disappears. “Not cool kid, not cool."

"You deserved that", I figure Lexa is talking to Luna but her eyes are on me.

What did I do? Better yet, what do I deserve?

Lexa looks away from me. “When are you gonna leave?”

“I don’t know… I was thinking around night so the darkness will hide me as I sneak back into camp. Why?”

“I need someone to watch blondie while I do some things.”

“I’ll do it!”, Luna’s hand shoots up. “I like this blonde”, she smirks at me.

I take another step towards Lexa. “Are you sure there’s no one else?”

_ I’m almost sure Luna is gonna sell me to old men. _

“She’s all I got”, Lexa eyes me. “Why?”

I shake my head. I'm not a big fan of Luna and her need to point out my kid like features. “I’ll… I’ll be fine.”

“I didn’t doubt it”, Lexa looks at Luna. “Don’t push her face into dirt.”

Luna nods. I watch Lexa walk away. Once she’s out of earshot, Luna explodes into conversation.

********

(Luna’s POV)

“So I was walking around the queen’s castle when I suddenly heard her yelling. Turns out Tommy had dumped gravy on her”, I break out laughing.

Clarke smiles at me. “You seem to have fun with this Tommy kid.”

“Yeah", I wipe the tears from my eyes. "He's amazing."

Clarke gives me a weird look. One eyebrow is raised and her head is tilted.

"I mean", I awkwardly cough. "He’s great and all.”

“Right… I have friends like that back at my home…. my mom used to say 'you have more friends that you're aware'."

"Is that true?"

Clarke shrugs. "I guess… I mean yeah, it is. Though I know it's not because everyone wants to be my friend. I am the leaders daughter so they are more attracted to the riches I have or would have", Clarke runs her hand up her arm. "A part of me wants to think my mom was calling me popular but a part of me knows she was saying I have more advantages than others."

"Advantages? At like", I pause. "Love or something?"

Clarke smiles and shakes her head. "Course not… more like advantages on that person. Something I can use against them to make them do my bidding. My mom always likes to have the upper hand and tried to teach me that."

I nod and let the silence spread between us. I have a feeling Clarke needs to sort through her feelings.

We walk by the kids that play ball in the tiny clearing. Their parents smile at us. I wave to a few before looking back at Clarke.

"So… you have it all?”

“Sure", she nods. "I guess I do."

“Then why’d you run?”

“I didn’t like it, wanted to see more I guess.”

I nod. “Makes sense.”

“So”, Clarke leans forward. “Are you gonna tell me what you’re job is?”

I go silent.

_ She just had to ask. _

“Do you remember last night?”

Night of September 13th, 5057

I look at the trees ahead of me. My feet are silent everytime they hit the forest floor but Clarke’s, they could scare the clouds away.

“Hush up will ya?”, I glance at her.

“Sorry… I don’t usually go into the woods.”

“Hm, why?”

“My camp is surrounded by a 6 foot fence. Whoever leaves is sentenced to work the worst jobs. This is my first time outside of the fence.”

“Did you run?”

Clarke nods. “Hated it there.”

I can see I’m bringing memories she’s trying to forget so I ask another question. “What were you doing in the woods?”

“I saw you moving around and got curious”, Clarke does a weird skip step. 

I eye her trying to see if she did it on purpose but she doesn’t seem aware of it.

“Ok”, I nod.

“Why are you hunting so late?”, she takes a step back so we’re walking by each other. 

“Someone has to bring food to my camp.”

“Is that your job?”

“Not exactly…”, I look straight ahead. I’d rather not talk about my job.

“Then you must be a guard.”

“Nope.”

“Ok then… what are you?”

“Shouldn’t you be getting home?”

_ Right when I was warming up to her. _

Clarke looks around then alarms jumps onto her face. “Oh shit, thank you for reminding me.”

I nod. I stop walking and watch the blonde run. She has good legs. They seem to be great for running.

(Present time)

“Yeah.”

“Well… I didn’t want to tell you until I knew I could trust you”, I sit on a fallen tree. “I’m the queen’s assistant. Well personal assistant, she has a lot of assistants.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad.”

“It isn’t… if she likes you. She hates me. Says I’m too troublesome. She treats me very poorly”, I take a few seconds to think about my next words. “I’m not supposed to leave the castle but I enjoy hunting. I also need more food than that prick gives me.”

I watch the blonde’s reaction. They’re nothing of hate or disgust like others. In fact, they’re more understanding and full of sympathy. Based on those reactions I realize I can trust this blonde. She’s not dumb like the others. And if Lexa lets her stay in her tent then she must be trustworthy.

“Enough about me, let’s learn more about you.”

“There’s nothing to learn…”, Clarke looks away. Her eyes focus on something far away.

It doesn’t take long for me to realize it’s the forest. She seems captivated by the forest. I just see a forest, I guess I’ve always known the forest and what lies in it. While Clarek has only been able to imagine and dream about it.

“I can show you how to hunt”, I offer the idea to Clarke.

She stares at me. “Really?”

“Yeah, I know a few things. Of course I learned it all from someone who knows a lot more than me.”

“Who’s that?”

“Lexa”, I stand up and stretch my arms.

At the mention of Lexa’s name, Clarke’s excitement disappears.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t go into the woods… Lexa won’t be very happy.”

“Screw Lexa."

Clarke still seems unconvinced.

"Who do she leave you with?"

"You…"

"Then that means you listen to me alright? Not Lexa."

Clarke considers these words before nodding. "Alright."

I take the blonde’s hand. “Now come on, we got things to do.”

I have to look around cautiously as we enter into the forest. The farther we get, the more serious I get. I try to catch every moment and sound. What doesn’t help is Clarke’s loud walking. She doesn’t seem aware of this so I decide to let her down lightly.

“Um… I know you were never in the woods before but could you walk a little quieter.”

“How do I do that?”, Clarke stops walking and bounces on the tip of her feet.

“You really don’t know?”

“Never learned.”

_ Of course. _

“Um… well try turning into a wolf.”

Clarke tilts her head. “How would that help?”

“Well you are naturally quiet as a wolf. And your senses should kick in and help you out anyways. It’s way easier than me teaching you.”

“Right right”, Clarke takes her hair out of its braid. Her fingers run through it a few times before she takes a deep breath. 

“Well got on with it.”

“Sorry… transforming is a sin from my camp.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“Yeah, I’m not used to someone… watching.”

Rolling my eyes I turn around. “Hurry before lunch comes.”

I listen to the slight crack of bones as her body changes forms. The cracking of bones tells me she doesn’t do it too often. She should probably do it more, it’ll help her body when she changes back. When I turn around, a gold wolf stands in front of me. My first though is ‘how beautiful’ then I groan. 

Clarke looks up at me, her eyes wide probably because she didn’t expect that reaction.

“Sorry it’s just… a gold wolf doesn’t exactly blend in”, I turn into a wolf revealing the brown of my fur. “I blend in with the trunks of trees, winter is when I best blend in because everything is so brown.”

Clarke nods.

“Lexa is a whole other story. She can’t hunt during winter and summer. Her best advantage is around night or when the sun is setting. During the day may help if she’s in the shade. Her green eyes stick out a little too much with her pelt so prey almost always spots her”, I shake out my fur. “She normally leads the night patrol from what I gathered.”

Clarke nods again. “Where… where would I have the best advantage?”

“Hmm”, I walk around Clarke. There’s a few key parts about her. Her fur is like the gold of a cheetah without the black dots. I begin to think she could tackle early winter when things are just beginning to die. They do turn to a golden color then I get rid of that thought as I realize it snows a lot during that time. Don’t matter if everything’s golden when it’s covered in a layer of white. Maybe she can use her eyes as a trick… kinda like a lonely plant sticking out of the snow.

_ Deer would fall for that. _

I open my mouth to share this news but close it again. Our deer population is dropping anyways so the chances of one coming by are slim. A rabbit may but it’ll probably be hidden in the snow anyways. Maybe the forest isn’t much of an option for Clarke afterall.

I sit down in front of the golden wolf. “The meadow.”

Clarke’s eyes widen. “The meadow?”

"Well not the meadow of flowers but the one further north."

Clarke stares at me.

“You don’t blend in with the greenery of the forest or with the white of the snow. I was thinking your blue eyes could be a trick for deer but that’s probably gonna rarely happen”, I think on my next words. “The meadow is a good place, don’t think of it like you’re some low life. The animal there are said to be plump and full of nourishment anyways.”

“Said to be… you say it like it’s some myth.”

“Well… uh… no, not a myth. It's just no one has much luck hunting there. Most people have pelts that blend in with the forest so those who should hunt in the meadow can’t because they were never taught how. It’s different terrain than that of a forest. Way different. You have to know how to move.”

“So how would I hunt there?”

“I would take you but that’s like a two hour trip”, I stand back up. “To begin with you want to find a place where you would be hidden. I recommend using your hearing and trying to close your eyes. Your eyes are your greatest weakness in there.”

Clarke nods.

“Now, the meadow is golden year around. There’s a few green strands of stuff but not much. The meadow leads out to the plains which is the same color. No animal will be able to spot you from above because the grass is so tall. That’s why prey hides in there, they hope the predator will lose them.”

Another nod.

“The meadow is full of rodents, even deer for that fact. You’ll want to listen to every sound. Discard those you know aren’t important and remember those you know are important.”

“Are we going over the key basics?”

“Yes, you won’t get to the important time anytime soon”, I shoo at her with my paw.

The day is full of me correcting Clarke and telling her things about the meadow. We don’t get to hunting considering we’re in the forest. I decide to start heading back when the smell of food drifts through the air. 

“So”, I nudge at Clarke with my nose. “Tell me about yourself.”

Clarke stumbles over a log but quickly regains her balance. “Not much to know, I was born in space. I came down to earth like… 5 or so years ago.”

**I actually forgot when I said they came down so… yeah 😑😅 sorry**

“Space?”

Clarke stops walking. “You don’t know what that is?”

“Never heard of it. I heard of ‘I need my space’.”

Clarke nods, "that was once a joke among our people." Clarke glances at tky. “Well think of space of a black empty hole.”

I nod.

“Them imagine the stars.”

I imagine a black place full of stars. It seems really pretty.

“And that’s space for ya.”

“So why stay in there? It doesn’t seem so… active.”

“It’s not. I didn’t have much of a choice. Anyways, I came down here. Learned to survive inside a fence, a war happened, I ran into Lexa and here I am.”

“Ok”, I look up. “What do you think of Lexa?”

“She’s nice… I think. I haven’t seen her nice, well I have but not that often.”

“Happens a lot. Not her being nice but the mean thing.”

“She seems nice though… and strong. Back at my camp a lot of people would be lining up just for her to touch them”, Clarke laughs and shakes her head. “She makes good food.”

“And?”

“Well… when I met her in the woods I got this feeling of strength. Nothing I’ve ever sensed before. The fact that she seemed so independent. Then when she attacked Indra… I guess I felt safe in a way. I knew she was just letting me survive so I could be out of her hair in a few days.”

“She seems to have left a good mark on you”, I continue walking. 

Clarke shrugs. “She did save me.”

“That must explain a lot.”

_ Does it though? Maybe it’s because Lexa was there when no one else was. _

When we walk into the camp I notice the quiet. There’s no one laughing or talking, everyone stares at a woman on a white stallion.

When I walk closer I see my queen. She is eyeing the crowds of people for someone, for me.

“Queen?”

“Ah, Luna”, the queen smirks. “So this is where you run off to.”

“I don’t run off… I simply walk away in the daylight.”

“You!”, she points at me. “I can not have a trader living among my people! Tomorrow around noon you will be beheaded in front of everyone!”


	11. Chapter 11

*******

(Clarke’s POV)

I stare at the woman on her white stallion. She has her horse slowly get closer to Luna. When she gets closer I leap in front of Luna. My eyes stare up at the woman.

I can see Lexa in the crowd, she has her head in her hand as she shakes her head.

“Get out of my way you fleabag.”

I ignore the insult as I change back to a human. I have my arms out blocking Luna. “You can’t kill someone of a different clan.”

“What are you talking about? This woman belongs in my clan and I do as I please to her.”

“Kid”, a growl comes from the crowd. 

I look at Lexa. She’s looking me in the eyes as she gives me a look. I tilt my head and she shakes her head. “What”, I mouth the words.

A few people look around obviously confused as to what is happening. When they see me looking at Lexa, everyone around Lexa takes a step back. I get a clear view of Lexa 

Lexa points at the spot by her. She has no care for the crowd that is watching.

I motion to the woman in front of me.

Lexa shakes her head again and points at the spot again.

I shake my head.

“Get. Your. Ass. Over. Here”, Lexa says the words through gritted teeth.

I look away from Lexa. I hear her growl but she doesn’t move.

“Then… then you can’t harm her if she’s part of this clan right?”

The queen eyes me but nods. 

“Ok then, Luna is one of us.”

I stare the queen in the eyes as I feel the pheromones waft in. They begin to fog my head but I’m determined to stay on my feet. I can feel the need to get on my knees and whimper but I don’t move.

“You little brat”, the queen climbs off her horse. She has her hand up as though she wants to hit me. The hand comes swinging towards me.

I close my eyes waiting for the impact but it never comes. I wait a few seconds before opening my eyes.

In front of me stands a black wolf, it’s side is pressed against my legs as it growls at the queen. Instead of the queen turning into a wolf, she backs up. The wolf releases powerful pheromones that cover the queens. I allow myself to fall my knees as a sweat breaks out. An itch starts covering my body when my wolf cries to be let free.

When the queen steps towards the wolf, it snaps at her. I peek out from behind Lexa and look at the queen. I stick my tongue out and give the queen a wink.

“With this Luna, you are banned from my clan”, the queen mounts her horse and is off.

Once the queen is gone, Lexa turns back to normal. She stands in front of me, her hands hidden in her pockets. I can see that she’s shaking with anger and rage.

_ What did I get myself into? _

*****

“Is a party normal when someone is welcomed into the camp?”

Lexa nods.

“Do you guys celebrate everything?”

“Only a few things.”

I nod not knowing what else to say. 

Lexa doesn't seem to mind the silence, she scribbles away on some papers.

I walk away from her desk with the intentions to leave her office. When I reach for the door handle she tells me not to leave. I figure she’s mad enough so I don’t argue with her. Instead I look around her office. It’s nothing like my mom’s. There’s not pictures hanging in random spots. Instead the walls have shelves that are full of junk, well what I call junk and she probably cherishes. 

There’s a few weapons on these shelves but not much. I find myself at the window. I watch people dance and talk to one another, Luna is the popular one at this party considering it is for her.

“So uh… when are we going to the party?”

“We”, Lexa puts down her pen. “Are not going to the party”, she stands up and heads towards the door. “C’mon on now.”

_ Shit. _

I follow Lexa through the crowd of people. I begin to slow down then stop following. I go to a stand that’s selling caramel apples. The woman is about to hand me one when Lexa shows up. She grabs my wrist and yanks me away.

When I begin to slow down, her hand tightens around my wrist. She yanks it so I stumble forward.

“All you had to do was follow”, she growls in my ear. “Can you not follow any order?”

I look at the ground. “Sorry”, the word comes out in a faint whisper.

Lexa leads me into the forest. I figure she’s going to kill me and say something attacked me. However, she doesn’t. She starts giving me a speech about attitude and all that shit.

“Clarke!”

I look up at her. “Y-yeah?”

“Are you even listening?”

“No… I’m trying.”

Lexa sighs. “Just… you shouldn’t blurt things out like that, try to be smart. Please?”

I nod.

“Indra was right”, Lexa rubs the side of her head. “You don’t know your place even though you’re just an Omega.”

I stare at her. Something inside me snaps into a million pieces. 

_ Just… an Omega…? _

“I thought they taught th-”

I can hear my hand meeting Lexa’s face. The sound rings throughout the whole forest. The birds go silent, even the party sounds distant and forgotten.

“I’m not just an Omega!”, I scream at Lexa. My hands grip onto my shirt as I feel myself shaking.

Why am I shaking? Is it because I’m mad? Sad? Or scared? I did just slap Lexa… Lexa! The leader of the camp I’m staying in. She could kick me out and leave me for dead.

_ Or she could eat me alive. _

“Clarke!”

I hear Luna hollering our names in the distance. She sounds drunk and she snaps every twig in her path.

“Where ar-”, Luna burst through the bushes. She’s wobbly on her feet. She suddenly hunches over as puke flies out of her mouth. She wipes her hand across her mouth and smiles at us. “Found you guys.”

********

(Lexa’s POV)

I’m the first in the tent this night. Clarke follows behind me, her hands are still shaking as she goes over to her usual sleeping spot. We’re both full from the food provided from the party so we head straight to bed.

When I’m about to blow out the candle, I spot Clarke in the far corner of the tent. She’s hugging her knees with her head hidden in them.

_ I really pissed her off. _

My hand finds my cheek. I know it’s red and it feels hot. I haven’t had someone slap me in a while…

I blow out the candle and go to sleep. Sleep doesn’t last long as Clarke’s teeth start chattering.

_ Ignore it. _

I pull the blanket over my head. I roll over a couple of times before giving up. I crawl out of bed and search for a spare blanket. When I can’t find any in the tent, I go to the building by the tent. I go up 5 flights of stairs before coming to my bedroom. I would be sleeping here considering it’s always warm but I have Clarke so I sleep in the tent.

I walk over to my bed and rip off the top blanket.

“Will this keep her warm?”

I take off another blanket before heading downstairs. Being careful I put both blankets over her. I make sure she’s comfortable before I climb back into bed.


	12. Chapter 12

********

(Clarke’s POV)

September 15th, 5057

A flock of birds fly over the camp. They all fly in a v shape as they call to one another. I begin to wonder where the birds are flying off to. Recently a lot have been leaving.

“Where do ya think the birds are going?”, I look at Lexa.

She shrugs.

Lexa hasn’t said anything to me since yesterday. I assume she’s making out her feelings and what she wants to do. I did slap her yesterday so I guess this is my fault.

_ She said to know my place! _

I look away suddenly not feeling guilty.

“Luna”, Lexa looks at the Floukru girl. “Where are you off to so early?”

“Oh you know, just here and there”, Luna smiles at Lexa.

“Do you think you can take Clarke?”

“No can do”, Luna shakes her head. “I’m on a mission you see, I ain’t need distractions now.”

I stare at Luna. She talks in a weird way… an incorrect way of english. Then again she wasn’t taught the same way I was. Maybe I was taught wrong, who knows.

My eyes pass by Luna and find the forest. A deer moves in the distance with two younglings following. A rabbit peeks out of a bush before going back in. I wonder what other mysteries lie inside that forest. Not like I’ll find out anytime soon though, I have to be watched for the next few days.

“C’mon now Blondie. We’ve got places to be.”   
I tilt my head. “Me?”   
“Yessiree”, Luna turns and starts walking. “Now come along. Chip chop.”

I glance at Lexa who looks away. I run after Luna who is well into the forest. “Might I ask where we’re going?”

“There ain’t no destination… you just walk until you feel right.”

I laugh and shake my head. “Seriously.”

Luna stops walking. I bump right into her. “Alright but you gotta stay hush about it”, she turns to me with her finger on her lip. “Ya promise?”

I nod.

“No, I wanna hear ya say it.”

“I promise.”

“Alright… I have to get some things from my old camp. Lexa doesn’t exactly like my old camp so I didn’t want to tell her… she would’ve never let me take you along.”

“You wanted me to come?”

“Of course I did”, Luna smiles. “You’re a cool kid… in your own ways.”

“Thanks?”, I take a few steps forward. “I think.”

“Why you acting like you get to lead the way… I’m leader.”

“My bad”, I graciously motion for her to go along. “Ladies first.”

Luna nods at me and continues walking.

*****

I follow Luna into her old camp, the path is marked by roses and flowers of all kinds. The guards nod at Luna. It seems everyone here likes her.

“What are you doing here!”

The angry queen stomps up to us. She stops a few inches away from Luna. “Well?”

“Just here to get some things”, Luna tries to step around her. The queen blocks her.

“What makes you think you get the right to those things.”

At some point I block the argument out. It doesn’t affect nor matter to me. I’m amazed by this camp, they seem to focus on the life of plants. I can tell they’re more agricultural than Lexa’s camp. Lexa’s camp seems like the machine type. Always finding ways to improve something.

“I got Lexa’s mate, you hurt her and you risk having a whole camp on your back.”

I look at Luna.

_ Mate?! _

Luna gives me a weird look. I get the sense to stay silent.

“So you’re her mate?”, the queen walks over to me. “Aren’t you a little young… only 14?”

“I’m 18.”

“Ah… you don’t look 18. Are you sure you ain’t a sex partner?”

I nod.

“Would Lexa really come running if I were to hurt you?”

I nod. “You bet.”

“She cares that much for you?”

“Of course.”

The queen eyes the forest that surrounds her camp. “Lexa always had a thing for sneak attack. The forest was always her domain… ever since she was a kid. Everyone knew this, yet she always managed to make the sneak attack work."

I see a distant, sad look in the queen’s eyes. She seems to be missing something, someone. I’m about to ask about it but I don’t get the chance.

“The blonde stays with me as you collect your stuff. You do one thing wrong and I will hurt her.”

Luna nods and walks away.

“So”, the queen looks at me. “You managed to subdue Lexa.”

I nod.

“I’m guessing she hasn’t laid a finger on you, you don’t look like you’ve had sex.”

“I haven’t”, I take a step away from the queen. I keep wishing for Luna to show up and lead us out of this camp.

“You know how Luna met Lexa?”

I shake my head.

“It was a weird meeting… Lexa always grew up with money so when she saw a kid cleaning, she was surprised. She convinced Luna to stop working and have fun”, the queen takes a few steps forward. “When Luna’s boss found out, he sentenced Luna to 10 public whippings. Ya know what Lexa did?”

I shake my head again.

“Lexa took them for her”, the queen smiles. “You see, believe it or not, Luna is older than Lexa. So Lexa was 8 at the time and she took it better than most grown ups do.”

_ So Lexa has always been that selfless. _

“Alright, we can leave”, Luna walks over to us with a bag full of stuff. “Come on now Clarke, we have a woman to return you to.”

I follow Luna out of camp. She seems desperate to make distance between the camp and herself. 

“What did you guys talk about?”

“Nothing much… random stuff about plants.”

“No surprise, the queen loves plants.”

I nod.

It’s hard to believe that Luna is older than Lexa. I figured Lexa was older. Maybe it’s because she comes off as more mature than Luna. When I met Lexa she said she was… what? 23? So that means Luna is 24… maybe.

I look at Luna.

She doesn't look older than 19 or 20. For a while I thought she was younger than me.

“What ya staring at blondie?”, Luna looks at me through the corner of her eyes.

“Nothing”, I look away.

_ I guess she does look in her early 20s. But she don’t act like it. _

I smile to myself.

The rest of the walk is silent. Luna’s not as chatty as usual so I figure something is wrong but I don’t ask. Some things are best left alone.

“Wait”, Luna holds out her hand blocking me from continuing.

I stand behind her hand as I watch her sniff the air. Her mouth is slightly open like a cat does when tasting the air. “What’s wrong?”

“Stay here”, Luna continues walking.

I nod and watch Luna disappear through the trees. I keep my feet where they are due to being determined to stay where I am. I also decided it’s probably best for me to stay anyways. I do step forward when I hear voices.

“Where’s Clarke?”

_ Lexa… _

“She’s waiting in the forest, she’s so near the border that no one is gonna harm her. She has your scent all over her anyways.”

“Good.”

_ Good I won’t get hurt or good I have her scent all over me. _

“What happened here? This place looks horrendous.”

“Let’s get away from the fence. I don’t wanna risk Clarke hearing.”

And just like that, they’re gone. A few minutes pass and I begin to get restless. I have to distract myself to stay in the forest and not go into camp. At one point I chase a butterfly around in wolf form. Of course, it gets away. When that game is over, I turn back to a human and walk over to a tree.

She said to stay in the forest. Maybe if I climb high enough I’ll be able to see how… horrendous… the camp looks.

So I do just that, I climb the tree and don’t stop until I get to the very top. I don’t weigh too much so even the smallest branches don’t snap under me. They do wobble though.

I push my head out of the leaves that cover the tree and look down at the camp. There’s splatters of blood everywhere. A few people lay on the ground… motionless. Others have people by them that treat their wounds, that only happens to those that are groaning from the pain. Many females cry over their losses and kids stand silent with them. I notice the oldest of the families that lost their dad, stand taller.

_ I guess it’s their job to care for the family now that dad is gone. _

The females, if their the oldest, don’t stand taller. They’re looking at their mom.

I have to peel my eyes away from them to assess the other damage done. A few buildings are a pile of ash while others are still on fire. It’s not a bad fire, the fire is slowly fading away. Lexa’s tent is fine. So is the building by it.

From the entrance of the camp you can see horse prints. They lead back into the forest and towards Camp Jaha. I’m guessing Kane came in hopes to get me but failed. I wasn’t here anyways.

“I caused this”, I eye the whole camp again as the guilt begins to sink in. I quickly climb down the tree and run into camp despite Luna’s orders. I look in the tent first but there’s no Lexa. So I decide to ask around. Everyone shrugs or shakes their heads.

_ Where did Lexa go? _

Luna walks into camp. She looks pretty shaken up.

“Where’s Lexa?”

Luna motions to the forest behind her. I’m about to run in when she grabs my wrist. “Don’t go in there kid.”

“Why not?”

“She’s… she’s dealing with her emotions.”

“What?”

“Just don’t go in there”, Luna lets me go. “Why don’t you help around here?”

I listen to Luna’s warning and start helping people. I help bring the dead to an abandoned hut, well just abandoned hut. The people who lived here were all killed by Kane’s men. It was a man, woman, and a kid. They had another kid that did survive but she was just born so she’s off to live with the sister of the woman.

*****

The camp looks a lot better. Even I look better. I had time to meet people with Luna as we hung out. I guess everyone was trying to distract themselves from the horrors today held so doing random things helped.

After the ‘meet and greet’ I sat in the dirt and started drawing with a stick. A few kids gather around to watch. I know they’re just trying to distract themselves so I don’t make them leave. When I’m done drawing, a kid points to the sky.

I look up confused.

“You live up there”, she drops her hand. “Can you draw it?”

Nodding I start drawing the beauty of space. The things I saw a million times to the point I would get mad at the scenery… but now that it’s gone, I want it back.

I smile at myself.

_ Funny how that works. _

My smile widens as I remember an old memory.

(I don’t know how long ago… I guess a 13 year old Clarke)

I storm into the classroom, my hands grip my shirt as I make my way to my seat.

“What’s up with you?”, Bellay lightly pokes my elbow.

“I’m fine”, I glare at the desk I’m sitting at.

“No you’re not… you’re trying to shoot lasers into that desk.”

“I hate this place!”, I snap at Bellamy. “I hate it! I hate floating around in space doing nothing while a gorgeous sphere hangs out under us!”

“What’s the blonde made about now?”, Raven sits on my desk.

“She wants to go to Earth.”

“Why the hell would you want that?!”

“Aren’t you sick of the same thing over and over again. The same scenery and routine.”   
“Nah… not really.”

“I am.”

Bellamy shakes his head. “Everyone is allowed to have an opinion. I bet you wish this now but are gonna miss it later.”

(Present moment)

_ Miss it I do. That I am sure of. Maybe it’s the one thing I am sure of in this crazy world. _

When I finish the picture, Lexa walks into camp. She’s running a hand through her hair when she catches my eyes. Something enters her eyes but it’s gone before I can tell what it was.

“Lexa”, I stand up and drop the stick. The kids gather around the picture to admire it before they start drawing by my own drawing.

“Not now kid”, Lexa walks towards the tent.

“Lexa, please”, I grab her wrist.

“Let go.”

I let go of her wrist. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to. It’s j…”, words fail me as I smell something weird. It emits from Lexa. It’s not her usual scents, it's too… girly for it to be her scent.

A woman with red hair walks into camp. Her hair is all messy. I recognize this woman as Costia. I begin to connect the dots and when they all align, I step away from Lexa. I suddenly don’t feel the need to apologize or even talk. I kinda want to get away from Lexa but I know if I were to run, she would chase after me. She’s probably faster than me in more ways than humanly possible.

“Well?”, Lexa looks at me over her shoulder.

I know she knows I pieced it together. Her eyes say so.

I shake my head. “It’s… it was nothing”, I hug myself and step away.

“Whatever”, Lexa disappears into the tent.

I stare at the flap of the tent. It’s gone still by now. If I listen closely, I can hear Lexa doing something in there. My guess is drinking. Luna once said she turns to alcoholic beverages when stressed.

I want to go in there and try to calm her but I don’t think she’s happy with me. I can’t blame her, I’m the reason for this attack. I look to the forest. I could leave right now, just go back to Camp Jaha and forget about all this. I have a feeling Lexa would get mad at me.

_ But what does she care? Why does she care? _

*****

I stare at the food provided by the waitress. It wasn’t Costia, this time it was some black haired woman. She seemed nice but also sad so I’m guessing the events earlier affected her.

I’m about to put something in my mouth when I stop. I can’t stop thinking about that girl’s scent. It seems to fill my nostrils even though it’s long gone. Long gone from Lexa at least. She took a long shower not too long ago.

I set my fork down.

_ I wonder what the scent I carry smells like? _

Dad always said all females have this girl scent. Well Omegas at least. I’m guessing it’s to attract the Alphas. If your natural smell smells like shit then no one is going to knock you up anytime soon.

I eye my wrist since that is where the scent is the most powerful. I know I don’t smell like shit. People always described mine as sweet, almost like blossoming flowers or freshly baked cookies. Someone once said it was like vanilla. They were a baker so I wasn’t surprised they said that.

One time I got angry at the fact I was liked based on my scent so I bit at my wrist. I drew my teeth into my wrist and practically drank the blood as I dove for the tiny circular gland hidden in my wrist. I was hospitalized and strapped down for weeks.

I watch the blood run through my veins as I imagine the tiny gland. The one I failed to get out. The thing responsible for whose thing goes up me. Instead of tearing at my wrist, I lick it. I keep licking it until the scent becomes weaker. My spit seems to act like a barrier for the ‘stench’.

“Is that something you do on a daily basis?”

I freeze, my tongue still on my wrist when I look at Lexa. Bringing my tongue back in I shake my head no. “No, not on a daily basis.”

“Then why do it?”, she glances at her plate. I hear her grumble, “I thought I said no mashed potatoes.”

I force myself not to smile. “Try to hide the scent.”

“Why?”, she looks at me.

I shrug. “I have my reasons.”

“Secret reasons?”

“No… just reasons I know you’ll forget so I don’t see the point in telling you”, I say it with more venom than I wanted. I look away from her. “Sorry.”

Through the corner of my eye I can see Lexa lean back in her seat. She chews on the tip of her thumb nail but nothing breaks. She studies me before shaking her head. “I was always taught to let the scent be. The stronger the better.”

“Why’s that?”, I look at her.

“You know… that way someone will want you to give them pups.”

“Right.”

“I’m guessing you don’t want that.”

“Want what?”, I take another lick on my wrist.

“Pups”, Lexa holds out her hand.

“I’ve never fancied the idea of having pups… I don’t even want a mate”, I stare at her hand unable to tell what she wants.

“Wrist”, is all she says to explain herself.

I hold out the wrist I haven’t been licking.

Lexa takes it, “Why don’t you want pups or a mate?”

_ Why does she care? _

I can’t ask that. “Um… well I don’t want to bring a child into this war driven world. I may consider children if our people weren’t fighting all the time and if my mom was somewhat peaceful. She causes all wars.”

“So you want a peaceful world… is that the only way you’ll get a mate and have pups?”, she runs her thumb over a vein. It sends a shiver up my spine.

“Yes.”

“Hmm”, she leans forward. “I can make that happen”, she whispers the words into my wrist.

“You… you can? Isn’t that a little hard?”

“Doesn't matter how hard it is. As long as it makes you happy then it’s worth it”, I watch as she sniffs my wrist. Her eyes flash a red.

_ As long as long as it makes me happy. _

Is that why she let me stay? Why she’s fighting to let me stay… cause it’ll make me happy?

_ Or she wants me to give her pups… just another sex partner. I wonder if her previous ones couldn’t give her pups. _

“You’re thinking too hard”, Lexa looks up at me through hooded eyes. Without breaking eye contact, she sticks her tongue out and licks my wrist.

“Sorry, I-”

“Don’t apologize… it’s rather”, she pauses for a second. “Cute”, another lick.

“I thought you were taught to let the scent be”, I drive the conversation away from the cute subject.

“If concealing it makes you less desirable then I’ll allow it”, she glances at me.

“Why does it matter if I’m less desirable?”

Lexa has no intention of answering so Costia walking into the tent only helps. Costia seems confused at the scene in front of her.

I bring my wrist away from Lexa and cough. Lexa maintains a cool face as she looks at Costia.

“Most people give a warning before walking in.”

Lexa seems to be scolding Costia.

“I uh… I’m gonna go to bed”, I stand up and head to my ‘mat’. I sit down and start taking off my shoes.

“Can we talk outside?”, Costia finally looks at Lexa.

September 16th, 5057

As soon as Costia left the tent with Lexa, Lexa didn’t come back. I just woke up and am standing outside the tent. I don’t see Lexa so I assume she’s sleeping somewhere else. Maybe she did come back and I was just asleep. Though normally she wakes me so… I don’t know.

I haven’t had breakfast yet but eating alone was lonely so I walk stand to stand. I check out the stuff they’re selling. Ever since I was captured by Luna when I was searching for food, the stands have started to sell more food. There’s 5 new stands that sell only food. One of their food jiggles, it’s some cake I believe. I’ve never eaten it though. Lexa only gives me so much to spend and says to spend it wisely. I bet if I were to ask, she would give me more money. I don’t know where she gets this money though. A part of me doesn’t want to find out.

“Good morning Clarke”, a man smiles at me.

I smile back.

I don’t know his name so I don’t say ‘good morning’ like I do the others. Whenever I do say good morning, it’s followed by their name. I’m well known around here now. People seem to like me and my company. Maybe it’s because I’m always with Lexa and they like Lexa. Maybe it’s because of Luna and her social butterfly like attitude.

She has introduced me to a few people. I know everyone’s, well mostly everyone's name. Not because of Luna but because I would listen. They like to gossip in this camp. It doesn’t seem like much goes on but I guess a lot more goes on than I thought. When I was getting my hair washed with Luna yesterday, did it when we were done with the bodies, a few women were gossiping with Luna. They tried it with me too but it turned into a meet and greet basically but minus the meet. I would ask who someone is and they’d describe them and I’d find them later. 

“Finally ready for some wiggle cake?”, Annarett giggles and smiles at me. She pulls a fresh wiggle cake out of the oven.

I don’t actually know what the cake is called. It’s kinda became a joke around this camp. When Luna was showing me the people, we walked by this stand. I said “oh, I want some wiggle cake” rather loud. People started laughing and now it’s called wiggle cake.

“But I can’t ma’am”, I eye the wiggle cake.

“And why’s that?”

“Lexa said not to”, I watch it wiggle back and forth. Back and forth.

“But she ain’t here now is she?”

“No she ain’t”, I look up at Annarett.

“So then what’s stopping ya?”

“Fine”, I lean forward. “But this stays a secret between us, ya hear?”

Annarett nods. “Of course.”

I look around. “Between all of us cause I know y'all be listening”, I eye the people at their stands.

“Wouldn’t rat our favorite customer out”, Jack smiles at me. “You’re coming to my stand next right?”

“Of course”, I smile at him. I turn to Annarett and give her some coins. She gives me a slice of the wiggle cake. “See you later.”

I’m walking over to Jack’s stand when Costia appears out of nowhere.

“Oh hi”, she plasters a fake smile on her face. “Fancy seeing you here.”

_ Is it though? _

People at their stands give Costia a dirty look but don’t step in.

“I couldn’t help but notice that Lexa was sleeping with a 14 year old.”

_ Do I really look that young? _

“I’m 18”, I glare at Costia.

I’m ok when Luna will purposely tease me or call me younger than I am or when Lexa does it just to get me mad but when Costia does it, I know she’s insulting me.

“That’s not what Lexa said.”

_ What did Lexa say? _

I’m not curious enough to ask.

“But… I suppose that’s gonna stop now?”

“How so?”

Shit, it sounds like I want to sleep with Lexa. I’m just staying with her.

“I’m her girlfriend so I have to satisfy those big needs ya know?”

I don’t respond.

Costia tilts her head. “You like her don’t you?”

I remain still.

_ Where is this going? _

“You know Lexa would never like you… in fact last night she said she was waiting for the two days to be over so she could finally get rid of you.”

I stare at Costia. I forgot I was leaving in two days… I started getting comfortable here. My heart sinks and suddenly I don’t want this wiggle cake.

“Well, guess I should be leaving”, she’s gone.

“Don’t listen to her”, Jack shakes his head at Costia who is now at the end of the stands. “She’s just a ball of jealousy.”

“I know.”

After buying a few things that consists of food all the way to accesories I go to where the kids play. They all run around, only stopping when they spot me.

“What’d you get this time?”, Lil’ Mike Hefferson runs up to me. His little sister follows.

“Just something for later… you want a bite of this wiggle cake?”

It’s a big slice so I give it to the kids. They all divide it and eat. I make my way, slowly, towards the tent.

I feel myself stumble on my feet as a weight is pressed against me. Arms wrap around my neck.

“What’s up flatty?”, Luna presses her cheek against mine.

I shrug.

_ Another round of my flat breasts jokes. _

Luna opens her mouth to say something but freezes. She notices the look on my face and lets me go. “Hey… what’s wrong with you?”

I shrug again. “I don’t know.”

“Ok… I’m guessing you’d rather be alone so”, Luna steps away. “I guess I’ll let you be.”

I watch Luna away. No longer wanting to be in the tent, I head towards the gate. I sit on a bench by it and look up at the sky. Little birds fly around. The big ones are gone and the little ones are coming back. They fly in a group making weird shapes in the sky.

The sun is almost to the middle point in the sky when I hear a voice.

“You shouldn’t sit that close to the gate considering people are looking for you.”

I look at the person in front of me. Lexa looks down at me. I grunt in response to her statement.

_ I really don’t want to talk to this woman. Especially this woman. _

“Clarke, what’s wrong?”

I stare at her. I open my mouth and a weird, almost animal like, noise escapes. Tears follow after that then sobs shake my body. I put my head in my hands as the sobs continue. I don’t try to stop the weird noises that come from my body.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. “I-”

I don’t think as I leap up and hug Lexa. Lexa stumbles backward but keeps her footing. I grip onto the back of her shirt.

“Lu-Luna keeps making fun of my child like features and my invisible br-breasts.”

“I can’t tell if you’re crying from anger or sadness.”

I can feel Lexa rubbing my back. “Both”, I push my face into her chest. “I don’t know.”

When the tears stop, I step away from Lexa.

“I’m sorry”, I move to wipe my tears but Lexa gets there first. Her hand cups my cheek as her thumb wipes away a tear.

“Walk with me?”

“I already walked the camp.”

“No, the forest.”

“Didn’t you say people were looking for me?”

“Don’t make me regret asking.”

I nod and follow Lexa into the forest. We stray from the path.

“I can tell you don’t go here often”, Lexa glances at my feet.

“Sorry… Luna said the same thing.”

“No one can blame you”, Lexa points at something in the distance. “There’s a deer.”

I look where she’s pointing and see two antlers.

_ Maybe that’s where the antler myth came from. _

We spend an hour walking around the forest, Lexa shows me a waterfall and a few safe foods. At one point she has me attempt to catch fish but I don’t get anything.

“They’re too fast”, I watch the fish swim around my paws. I put my head in the water and bite at a fish. It misses my teeth by an itch. Stepping out of the water, I turn back into a human.

“I can’t get one.”

I don’t know why but I get mad at the fact that she can catch them so easily.

Lexa smiles at me. “Here”, she grabs my hand. “I’mma take you somewhere most don’t bother going.”

I follow behind Lexa. We step over fallen trees and rocks. The trees begin to become thinner and appear less. At one point they stop and fade into a meadow. A meadow full of flowers of many colors. It looks like a scattered rainbow.

Luna said something about a meadow of flowers. Said that farther north there’s a meadow perfect for my hunting.

“Is this the meadow of flowers?”, I release Lexa’s hand and step forward. I take in the sight of the flowers, of the strong smell they bring into the air.

“You like?”

I nod. “It’s… it’s amazing”, without thinking I turn into a wolf. Lexa doesn’t have time to react as I run into the flowers. The petals brush against me and the flowers sway as I run by.

*******

(Lexa’s POV)

I stare ahead of me. The flowers sway as Clarke runs around in them but none of them break. I know she’s chasing something when her path becomes weird and at some points she leaps at something, her tail just barely coming over the flowers.

I begin to relax knowing she’s having fun, then the movement stops. “Clarke?”

No response.

“Clarke?!”

Still nothing.

I eye the meadow for any movement but to my disappointment, there’s nothing. “Clarke!”, I yell her name and take a step into the meadow. When I’m about to turn into a wolf, Clarke leaps into the air.

I can feel my heart stop along with everything around me. I force, more of want, myself to take in the scene. A meadow of multi colored flowers that shine under the sun's light. A golden wolf in the air, the tip of its nose touching a blue butterfly that matches the color of the wolf’s eyes. The sun makes the wolf appear a glittery gold. At that moment I decide Clarke is worth more than all the gold in the world. 

I figured out why I wanted to cover her scent, why I wanted to stop the war so she’ll get a mate and eventually have children. It’s all because I want people to stay away from her, to not steal her heart before I have the chance. I want to increase my chances of being her mate by ending this stupid war. She’s the one I want to settle down with.

Maybe this is why I always want her happy, why I attacked Indra for taking that smile away. Why I attacked the queen for wanting to hit her.

_ Something is wrong with me. _

Everything snaps back to reality when I’m tackled to the forest floor. Clarke stands above me, her tongue hangs out.

I turn into a wolf and kick her off me. She has just enough time to run before I’m on my feet and running after her. I get close to her a few times but she’ll make a sharp turn and run behind me. We do this for a while before Clarke flops down. Her chest rises and sinks in a fast motion. I can hear her panting and trying to catch her breath. I walk over to her and sniff her. She turns over and licks my cheek.

I turn back to a human and sit by her, my legs out in front of me. Clarke turns to a human and crawls towards me. She lies down with her head on my lap.

We sit in silence, my hand will make a tiny braid before running my hand through it, effectively ruining the braid. I do this over and over finding that it relaxes me.

Clarke doesn’t seem to mind. She reaches over and plucks a few flowers and starts making a crown out of them.

At some point Clarke starts humming a tune. This causes the birds to go silent and listen. They eventually sing along with her. My hand stops moving as I watch her hands move. They move with such precision that you’d think she’s done this her whole life.

Clarke stops and looks up at me. Her blue eyes look into my green eyes. A giggle flies from her mouth, then she smiles up at me.

I feel something weird inside me, almost like fireworks. I’ve never felt this, never in my life but it doesn’t take me long to figure out the feeling.


	13. Chapter 13

********

(Clarke’s POV)

I watch Lexa transform back to a human. Her transformation is smooth and clean unlike others where you can see their bones shift back to normal.

Lexa sits with her legs out in front of her as she looks up at the sky. She looks peaceful. The green of her eyes blend in with the forest that surrounds three of the four sides of the meadow.

I crawl towards Lexa and rest my head on her lap. I find it rather comfortable and close my eyes. The feeling of comfort gets better when Lexa starts raking her fingers through my hair. When I open my eyes I see her braiding my hair with one hand then running her fingers through it again.

Smiling I reach out and pick a few flowers. I start braiding them into a crown of some sort. I’m basing it off a picture I once saw when I was in space. My smile drops as I start concentrating. I hear what I think is a chuckle from Lexa, but when I look at her she shakes her head. I don’t object as I’m enjoying the peace too much.

I start humming a tune. This tune silents a few birds around us as they listen. At one point they start mimicking it and ‘sing’ along with me.

_ Why does this all seem too perfect? _

When Lexa’s hand stops moving, I look up to find her watching my hands. I stop braiding. My eyes find her forest green eyes in a matter of seconds. I see a slight blush creep onto Lexa’s face. This causes me to giggle but I smile at her when the blush gets worse.

Lexa stares at me for a few seconds before smiling back.

_ I didn’t know she could smile. _

“You planning on ruling this meadow?”

“Hmm… no”, I eye the crown. “Unless you’ll rule with me.”

When I don’t get a response, I look at Lexa. Her face is terribly red.

“Lexa?”

Lexa shakes her head. Her fingers brush hair off my face before she leans in and lays a kiss on my forehead. “Of course I’ll rule with you.”

I freeze. I wasn’t expecting a yes.

I feel Lexa rake her teeth down the side of my face. She goes down to my ears. “Better start working on that second crown”, she whispers into my ear.

I bolt upright. “W-we should get back. The sun is setting.”

Lexa nods with a smile on her face. She gets up and helps me up. “After you my queen.”

“Thanks”, I whisper the words and start walking.

I pretend to know where I’m going, Lexa doesn’t seem to mind. She looks around as we walk. Her eyes don’t reveal anything as she looks around. A few times she’ll open her mouth then close it.

I stop walking causing Lexa to bump into me.

“Clarke?”

“I… I don’t know where I’m going”, I look at the ground.

“I figured as much”, Lexa stands in front of me. “Ask next time.”

I nod. Lexa turns and starts walking.

“You were on the right track… sorta”, she takes a sharp right. “You were far from the path that I follow though in time you would’ve met up with the main path.”

As she leads I spot a few things that I saw earlier. I can hear the roaring of the waterfall that I was searching for a few minutes ago. “You really know these woods.”

“I was born in them… literally.”

“Then your family must live near here?”

“They do” Lexa points behind us. “Farther north you’ll run into a meadow. Nothing like the flower meadow more… dead I guess. It’s a golden color like your pelt.”

“Luna told me about that. Said I would hunt best in there.”

“Well chances of you going there are low so you should probably learn to hunt in the woods… especially if you’re living alone.”

I nod.

“Anyways, if you walk through the meadow and keep going you’ll eventually hit a place where the trees have stopped growing. We call it the outskirts. Walk along the edge of the outskirts, to the left side and you’ll run into a fence. It’s a big metal fence full of electricity. It used to hold some nuclear crap but it’s long gone and my parents made camp there. There’s a lot more people at my camp then at theirs even though mine is technically came after theirs.”

“Then… are they the main Trikru?”

“Not really… sorta. I guess they are. We have 3 camps in all. One is where old people retire, it’s by the ocean so they always get a pretty view. I live in the biggest camp where you’ll find that everyone kinda lives there. My mom’s camp is where the guards come from.”

I nod. “Were you born there?”

“Yes.”

“Why’d you come to the camp you are at now?”

“They gave birth to another pup. I hated her and left.”

“You left because you got a sibling?”

“Yes.”

“That’s not all though”, I speed up and walk by Lexa. “There’s more.”

“I also ran because I couldn’t kill the last person in the arena. I got scared and ran. I was crowned Heda when she died from blood loss. They said her last words were “I wish she killed me off”.”

I think on Lexa’s words.

Running because of something you couldn’t do… sounds like my situation.

“You’re a coward”, I look up at Lexa.

“I had a reason to run.”

“So did I”, I feel the need to protect myself. “Yet I was a coward.”

“What were your reasons? Didn’t like his dick?”

“No!”, I glare at her. “I wanted to be able to choose for myself. Not have to spend the rest of my life with some guy I hated.”

Lexa rolls her eyes.

“You ran because you got a sibling and because you couldn’t finish someone off. You seem to attack without second thought nowadays.”

“That’s because I was protecting you.”

“What difference does it make?”

“A big one!”, Lexa snaps at me.

I don’t see how but I don’t dare say that. She’s already annoyed.

“Our situations are similar”, I look at the sky. “We both left to avoid something we couldn’t do. Something we hated.”

Lexa nods.

“Is that why you called me a coward? Cause it reminded you of what you did all those years ago?”

“Probably.”

“Well”, I step closer to her. “I think it was brave.”

Lexa looks at me. “How so?”

“It takes a lot of courage to run from the thing you’ve always known. From your comfort area… you did something many people say they will but don’t.”

“Thanks?”

I nod.

“We’re here”, Lexa walks into camp right as the sun begins to sink behind the mountains.

A woman walks up to Lexa and starts talking with her. I have no interest of being in the tent alone so I stand by Lexa and wait.

I stumble forward when someone bumps into my shoulder. Looking to my right I see Indra. She’s just walked into camp.

_ I wonder where she went. _

Lexa seems to notice too but doesn’t say anything. When Indra walks by I get a strong smell of something. Something too familiar for me to like. I get the strange sense of danger but quickly shrug it off.

_ I’m overreacting. _

“Clarke”, Lexa lightly shakes my shoulder. “C’mon.”

I follow behind Lexa. We walk into the tent which has been cleaned up. I’m glad because now the worm is gone. But they also folded my blankets. I walk over and eye them.

_ I have two more than I remember having. _

“Clarke.”

“Hmm”, I examine a blanket. It smells weird… smells like… Costia. I quickly unfold the blanket and start sniffing it. It reeks of her. My grip on the blanket tightens as a growl comes from me.

_ That shit was rubbing on my blankets. _

I only just now realize Lexa is talking.

“I mean you don’t have to. It was just another choice.”

I look at her.

_ What was she saying? _

Her face is bright red as she blabbers on about something. “I guess if you don’t want to that’s fine too. It-”

“Your face is red”, I cut her off before she can continue. “Like really red.”

“Oh god”, Lexa hides her face in a pillow.

“You look like this plant my mom would plant. It tasted good on a salad.”

“Nevermind then”, Lexa removes the pillow. “You get to sleep on the floor.”

“No! I’ll… I don’t want to.”

“Then stop teasing me and get up here.”

“Yes ma’am”, I climb onto the bed. It’s really comfy. I forgot the feeling of this bed. I flop onto my side and stretch out. “So comfy”, I look up at Lexa. 

“You’re gonna sleep like that?”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm”, Lexa sits on the edge of the bed. Her back is too me. I watch as she removes her shirt. I get the sight of a black lace bra. Lexa slips off her pants while still sitting down.

_ Is… is she undressing?! _

I can feel my face heat up but I can’t take my eyes off her.

Lexa moves her hair so it’s on her back. She looks over her shoulder at me. I can only see the right side of her face. Her green eyes stare into my eyes as she reaches behind her and unclips her bra. It falls down onto her lap.

“Le-”

“Shh”, Lexa leans over and blows out the candle. Without the candle I’m left in the pitch dark. There’s no source of light.

I can hear my heart speeding up as nervousness sinks in. I roll onto my back hoping to make distance between Lexa and I. I know she sees well in the dark. I’ve heard her moving around in the dark one night. Didn’t bump into anything.

I feel slight movement to my right then something brushes against my face. I recognize it as hair. I only see the quick flash of green before Lexa speaks up.

“Lift your head.”

“But-”

“You won’t hit anything. Just do it, I need a pillow.”

I lift my head. I feel Lexa take a pillow then the hair is gone.

“You’re skinny.”

I imagine the size of the bed and take a few scoots to the left. If I squint in Lexa’s direction, I can see a little green. “Thanks? Now keep your naked body on that side”, I roll over so my back is to Lexa.

“I’m not naked”, a nail runs down my spine.

I arch my back to escape the nail.

“Goodnight Clarke.”

September 17th, 5057

Groaning I open my eyes. I’m met with a tiny slither of light and the rest is dark.

_ Is it still night? _

I move my head and feel something move on my face. “What th…”, I try to scoot backwards but something prevents me. I lift my head and see a pair of breasts.

_ Don’t tell me… _

I look up. Lexa is still asleep. I eye the scene. Her arms hold onto my by my waist preventing me from moving away. One leg is stretch across both of mine.

_ I said to stay on your side!!! _

I hear Lexa groan and move. I close my eyes hoping she’ll think I'm asleep. I hear a tiny chuckle as a kiss is pressed to my forehead.

********

(Luna’s POV)

I stare at the blonde in front of me. She hasn’t said a word all day. In fact, she’s too silent. I’m surprised she’s not talking about her trip into the woods with Lexa.

“So… how did you like the woods?”

“It was…”, Clarke trails off.

I’ve asked her the same question about 5 times and she keeps trailing off. I don’t know why but it’s pissing me off.

“If you keep trailing off I’m going to kill you in front of Lexa!”, I slam my hands on the table and stand up.

I see Lexa, who’s talking to someone at a stand, shoot me a glare. Swallowing past a lump in my throat, I sit back down.

“Kid, you bet-”

“What’s love?”, Clarke looks up at me.

Through the corner of my eye I can tell Lexa heard. She starts coughing making me think she choked on her own spit. Did this question alarm her?

“That’s a weird question.”

Lexa is now gone, she seems to have gone to the building in the far corner of the camp. It’s the second building that is exactly the same height as the one by Lexa’s tent.

“Sorry”, Clarke looks away. “I don’t know where that came from.”

“I would answer if I knew… it’s just… I’ve never been in love. Or felt someone love me. I mean Lexa is probably the closest thing I’ll get to love and she doesn’t even love me so… I’m not much help.”

Clarke nods.

I ask Clarke about the woods and she starts talking. She spends an hour talking about before asking, “why have you never loved someone?”

Desperate to change the subject I say, “you know… I’m gonna miss ya. Considering tomorrow before dinner you’ll be leaving.”

I don’t know why this is what I point. I regret it as soon as it’s out. I can’t find my words as I look at Clarke. She’s silent. She seems to be processing my words. A few times she’ll open her mouth only close it. I can tell she’s searching for something to say, anything to say. She opens her mouth and a sob comes out. This sob causes a dam to burst and tears start flowing down her face.

_ Oh shit. _

I look around. A few people have taken notice while others haven’t. I’m thankful Lexa isn’t here cause she would have my head by now.

“Clarke”, I search for words. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. That was a dumb thing to point out, I’m sorry”, I look around. “Oh wow look, a flower that’s the same color as your eyes.”

Clarke, however, doesn’t look. She looks at the ground and puts her head in her hands. I know more tears are coming out.

“Oh god”, I spot the building that Lexa went in to. “Um… you want me to get Lexa?”

Clarke nods into her hands.

“Ok you wait here”, I stand up and freeze. I have to watch the kid, I can’t be more than 15 feet from her. “Actually, you’ll come with me”, I grab her hand and start leading her to the building.

We walk up the stairs and stop in front of a double door.

“Ok”, I lightly pat Clarke. “We’re here”, I open the door. I stare in the room to find the leaders of each clan. They all look at me, Lexa looks the angriest among them all. Her green eyes remind me of a snake from some old show that people used to watch before the bombs. I can’t remember the name. Some kid who lived with animals.

“I… I’m sorry… I ran into a problem”, I reach over and pull Clarke into view.

I can see the anger leave Lexa’s eyes. It only leaves when she looks at Clarke, then it’s back when she looks at me.

_ Double shit. _


	14. Chapter 14

The silence carries through the whole building. The only thing that breaks the silence is Clarke sobbing into her hands. 

“I can explain”, I finally say something. I can feel myself shaking when I look at Lexa. Her eyes are a blood red. “You see, we were talking and… and I wanted to change the subject. I accidentally said”, the rest of the sentence they can’t hear since I mumble it.

“What?”, Lexa leans forward.

“Sheba do eve morrow.”

Lexa’s glare hardens.

“Isaidshehadtoleavetomorrow”, I speak really fast.

********

Even though Luna tried to speak fast I can still decipher what she said.

_ That idiot! _

I look around feeling the need to release anger. I grab a figurine and Chuck it at Luna. It hits between her eyes.

"Hey" she runs her fingers between her nose. "That's gonna be red."

Sighing I shake my head. “Clarke, will you come here?”, I speak as gently as possible. Though it doesn’t take much effort cause with Clarke it comes naturally.

Clarke hesitates at first but eventually makes her way to me. She stands in front of me as she wipes the tears from her face.

“What’s wrong?”, I reach up and wipe the tears.

Clarke shakes her head. “Hold me.”

I look at Luna for help but she’s leaning against the wall with a smirk on her face. She better not act like this was her plan the whole time.

_ I need another figurine. _

“Come closer.”

Clarke nods. She climbs into my lap. I watch as she moves around for a few seconds before going still, her head rests on my chest. She looks up at me.

"Comfortable?", I look at her.

Clarke grunts then hides her face in my chest. Wrapping one arm around Clarke, I look at Luna. She's still smiling.

"You're welcome."

I pick up a glass ball and threaten to throw it at her. Luna quickly scampers out of the room. I can hear the door open as she yells, "help! The queen has gone mad!"

I hear a few people groan "Luna" while others laugh. Then the sound of the outside world is cut off when the doors close.

“Continue”, I signal for the meeting to begin again.

Nobody questions it and starts talking. With my free hand, I reach up and stroke Clarke’s hair. I figure it brings some kind of comfort since her breathing, which was rapid, slows down. At one point she goes limp signaling she dozed off.

*****

_ My feet are falling asleep. _

I try to move my feet but it makes Clarke move. She grunts before falling back into sleep. I decide to keep still like I’ve been doing for the last 2 hours.

_ I need to move around. _

“Shall we call it a day?”, I look around.

A few people nod.

Everyone is picking up their stuff when the door swings open. Costia storms in. It’s obvious she’s not happy.

“What the hell is going on?”, she marches over to me.

“How can I help you?”

“I want you to explain right now.”

“There’s nothing to explain”, I watch Clarke’s hair move between my fingers. The golden locks shine in the sun. It reminds me of her pelt.

_ If only everyone’s pelt was based on hair color. I’d be some dark brown not black. But Luna would be some blue. She dyed it so much that her hair is now naturally that color… or maybe she has some other dye. I don’t know. _

I realize Costia is still yelling so I look at one of my guards. They escort, more of carry, her out of the room. Once everyone is gone, I remain seated. I look down at Clarke who is somehow still asleep.

“Ok blondie”, I lightly shake Clarke.

She grunts in hopes of staying asleep.

“Clarke, I have to get up”, I manage to get my hands under her arms. I lift her up and sit her on the table.

I can see Clarke is trying to stay upright on her own. A few times she almost falls off but catches herself.

I stand up and test my feet. It takes a few seconds for the feeling to come back, but once it’s back I turn to Clarke. “No chance of you walking?”

She shakes her head.

“Alright”, I eye her. I successfully pick her up. When I do, Clarke hides her face in my neck and starts drifting off.

_ You’d think she hasn’t slept in days. _

********

(Clarke’s POV)

My eyes fly open as my whole body jerks awake. I look around in panic only to find the familiar scenery of the inside of the tent. I’m laying on the bed, Lexa’s side, with nothing but a long shirt on. When I lift the shirt up, I have underwear on.

_ I don’t remember undressing. _

I rub my eyes and look around. “What tim…”, my voice trails off. I find that my throat is dry. I’m about to get out of bed when I hear the yelling. It doesn't sound too friendly. I can only tell one voice, Lexa.

I hear words like ‘cuddle’ and ‘hold’. I know they’re arguing about me when they say ‘blondie’. It’s weird that I’m called ‘blondie’ or ‘kid’ more than Clarke.

The longer I’m left in the ‘silence’ the more everything comes back. I begin to remember falling asleep on Lexa and her fingers moving through my hair.

The flap of the tent is moved then Lexa walks in. She watches me as she makes her way to the table. Neither of say anything, Lexa seems to be watching my movement. When I move my hand, her eyes dart to it before looking back at my eyes.

“I… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done those stupid things-”

“It’s fine.”

I eye Lexa. My eyes stop at her chest and I remember earlier. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have put my head there. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Lexa shrugs. “Doesn’t matter”, she stands up and moves over to the bed. I scoot away from the edge which she now sits on.

The silence comes back but it’s not awkward. We let it spread between us, both of us occupied by our own thoughts. I do break it when I remember tomorrow and the events it holds.

“So… tomorrow is my last day. You said you were gonna do something… what’re you gonna do with me?”

Lexa stands up only to flop back down on the bed. Though this time she lands on her back and her head rests on my lap. She looks up at me. “Can we cross that bridge when it comes?”

I look down at her. “Sure.”

“Good."

Lexa remains where she is. She smiles at me before looking away.

"Your thoughts seem occupied", I reach out. I lightly touch Lexa's hair. It's soft, really soft. I guess she takes better care of it than I thought.

"They're always occupied", Lexa turns her head so she's facing my stomach. "But it's nothing new."

"Wanna talk about it?", I start running my fingers through her hair.

"Not really."

"That's fine", my nail brushes behind Lexa ear. She lets out some purr like sound.

_ Weak point? _

I don't explore the spot in fear she might get mad. We sit, one of us lies, in the silence. The seconds turn into minutes, those minutes to an hour which slowly starts ticking towards two hours.

Lexa opens her mouth but doesn't say anything. She turns her whole body is facing in one direction. She doesn't say much as she pushes her face into my stomach.

I laugh at the feeling of her breath on my stomach. Lexa smiles before sitting up.

"We can't sleep like this", she leans over and blows out the candle. I’m enveloped in darkness. I can hear Lexa moving around as things fall to the floor.

I feel a hand on my chest that slowly pushes me downward. I allow her to guide me to a lying position. I can barely see Lexa crawl over me. She lies on my side of the bed. I feel her pull me towards her making sure my back is to her.

“Goodnight Clarke.”

I hum in response. I don’t close my eyes though. I stare into the darkness fearing the thing building up inside me. I know what it is, I’m too afraid to admit it. I wanna push it down and forget about it.


	15. Chapter 15

September 18th, 5057

I wake up to the sun shining in my eyes. Normally I’ll gladly wake up but I want the morning to go away. I want everything to just stop and stay still.

In hopes it'll leave, I pull the blanket over my head.

“Clarke.”

_ That voice. _

“Clarke.”

The blanket is moved off my head. The sun shines brightly in my eyes, taking this as an opportunity to attack my poor eyes. I have to squint in order to see. Everything is fuzzy but after a few seconds, my eyes are adjusted. I can finally see Lexa. She’s looking down at me with her head tilted.

“Good morning.”   
“No”, I slowly sit up. “If you don't acknowledge it, it might go away.”

Lexa laughs.

Reaching up, I manage to wrap my arms around her neck. I hide my face in her neck and sigh. “Why’d you give me 7 days?”

Lexa wraps her arm around me. “I thought they would go by slow… but they didn’t.”

Unwrapping my arms I lean back and look up at her. “They did go by fast huh?"   
“Yes they did. Now before you leave you gotta shower.”

“Do not!”

“When was the last time you showered?”

I open my mouth which causes Lexa to give me a pointed look.

"Don't you lie."

look away in shame. “Fine but I wanna bathe.”

“Good.”

I look at her. “Good?”   
“That way I can join.”

I stare at Lexa. She smirks as she heads to the bathroom. “There’s already warm water in the tub.”

_ She’s serious. _

I climb out of bed and head into the bathroom. Lexa is moving a finger around in the water.

She looks at me and flicks the water at me. “You can’t bathe in clothes.”

I swallow past a lump in my throat and nod. “I… I know that.”

“Then why are you still in clothes?”

“I… could you turn around?”

“Seriously?”

I nod.

“Clarke, who do you think undressed you last night?”

“You.”

“Come on, I’ve already seen everything there is to see.”

“I had underwear on. I have nothing on the upper half of me to see.”

“You can get the general shape from underwear.”

Putting my hand in the water, I splash water. “Just turn around!", I hide half of my face in my shirt in hopes it'll hide the blush.

“Fine, fine”, Lexa turns around. “Just hurry up.”

With her back to me I start undressing. I only have the shirt and underwear to remove so it's a fast proves. I deliberately toss the underwear so it lands in front of Lexa.

“You’re done?”

“Nope”, I test the water with my foot. When I’m comfortable with the temperature I slowly get in. It feels nice to be in something warm. I move my hand through the tiny bubbles. They cover the surface of the water but if I were to move, they would move revealing my body.

“Scoot forward.”

I turn to look behind me. Someone stops me.

“If I can’t look at you, then you can’t look at me.”

“Fair”, I scoot forward. The water moves as Lexa gets in. She has her legs on either side of me.

“You know”, her hand reaches out in front me. It moves the bubbles around. “You’re not as flat as you think. Naked you actually look 18.”

“Thanks?”

*****

I walk out of the tent. In front of me there’s a long table that has food piled on it. People sit around, all of them looking at me. I search the people for a familiar face. When I see Luna, I walk over to her and sit by her.

“Ya’ll celebrating something?”

“Nah, just wanted to have a big breakfast for you”, Luna smiles at me.

“That’s nice”, I eye the food in front of me. I recognize some things but most is a mystery to me.

Throughout breakfast I try different things. Luna warns me of the ones with bugs or the ones she says aren’t good. A few of the ones she finds distasteful, I found yummy.

Breakfast goes by fast, it’s very cheery even though people are holding back tears.

“You should walk after a meal”, Luna holds her hand out to me. “Come on.”

I take her hand and stand up. We walk around the camp. Neither of us attempt to start a conversation. Maybe we’re too full or don’t know what to say. I’m comfortable with this silence though. It’s not awkward or forced. Not full of anger or sadness just… just quiet.

My comfort is gone when I see Indra sneaking out of camp. I know she isn’t authorized to leave when she looks around before running into the forest. I watch her until I can’t see her anymore.

_ I wonder what she’s doing. _

“Ya know”, Luna glances at me. “It… it may not seem like it because of the teasing and all that, but I see you as a friend. A good one for that fact.”

I look at Luna. She’s nervous, she puts her hands in her pockets only to remove them and play with her hair then put it back in her pocket. She does this over and over.

“I uh…”, Luna whips around so she’s facing me. Luna does a bow thing where her hands are on her knees. “I wanna thank you for being my friend!”, she shouts the words as she hurries to get them out of her mouth.

I just look at her. “Luna… you don’t need to bow.”

Luna straightens up. “Sorry… it’s just”, she scratches the back of her neck as a nervous laugh leaves her body. “I’ve never really had a friend ya know?”

I raise my eyebrows.

“I mean there’s Lexa but she’s so strict. She’s more of a boss than a friend. I mean I can count on her to be there but she’s really busy and…”, Luna looks at me. “And I'm rambling.”

“Hmm”, I step around Luna. I lock my hands with one another behind my back. “I’ve never had such a weird confession”, I take two steps forward. 

_ And I’ve had a lot of confessions. _

I keep that thought to myself though.

“Was it that weird?”

“Yeah”, I think about my next words. Looking over my shoulder I smile at Luna. “But thank you.”

Luna’s face heats up. “Yeah, yeah. Don't let it get to your head”, she looks at the ground.

Keeping my hands behind my back, I spin around on one foot. I have to bend over and tilt my head to see Luna’s face. “You’re a weird person.”

“Whatever”, Luna mumbles the word.

Shrugging I stand straight. “Ya know, I came to the conclusion that Lexa is naturally strict.”

“Why’s that?”

“She’s a leader”, I glance at Luna. “Someone has to be strict I guess.”

“But she’s all like, do this and this”, Luna sticks her finger out and shakes it as though scolding someone.

Laughing I shake my head. My laugh slowly dies. I watch Luna before hugging her. I hide my face in her neck. “I’m gonna miss ya, I really am.”

Luna’s hesitant at first but she wraps her arms around me. “Same here.”

*****

One second I’m looking up at the blue sky, then the next I’m staring into darkness.

“Ya hungry?”

I shiver as hot breath brushes against my neck. “Mmm.”

“Words Clarke, words.”

“I’m hungry.”

“Good”, the hands are removed from my face. I don’t get to see the person though. “That’s good.”

The person takes my hand and starts walking. I stumble forward as I’m turned around. It only takes me a second to realize it’s Lexa. She leads me towards the building by her tent. Once I’m close, I realize just how tall it is.

I’ve never bothered to study the building. Had no personal interest. We go all the way to the top where a huge room awaits. I walk around eyeing everything.

“This is a big room”, I run my hand along the bed. “You sleep here?”

“Sometimes”, Lexa sits on a chair. She keeps her eyes on the window.

“Lexa?”

“We should eat”, Lexa motions to the food in front of her.

Throughout lunch she keeps her eyes on the window. She won’t look at me, it’s like she’s hiding something.

“Is something happening out there?”

Lexa shrugs. “There’s always something happening out there.”

“What’s wrong?”

Lexa shakes her head. “I couldn’t tell you even if I knew.”

When I sit up straighter, I manage to follow Lexa’s gaze. She’s looking at the gate. Almost like she’s waiting for something to happen, expecting something to happen.

Lunch goes by fast, too fast for my liking. I don’t have anything to do but wait so I sit under a tree. I keep looking at the gate trying to spot any movement in the forest that lies beyond it. 

_ Lexa was watching for something. _

I wish I knew what though. This kinda makes me mad for some reason. A reason I can’t describe though.

Hugging my knees I hide my face. I allow my eyes to close and time to fly.

*****

Something wakes me up, not a person or animal. It’s like my mental alarm clock. When I look at the sky, the sun is about to touch the tip of a mountain.

The smell of food takes over the air and calls to me. I know I can’t stay and eat because if I did, I wouldn’t leave.

_ My seven days are up. _

I push myself to my feet and head towards the gate.

“You were just gonna leave?”

I stop at Luna’s voice. Slowly turning around, I’m faced with a crowd of people. “I’m not good at goodbyes.”

“We don’t know if this is goodbye”, Luna smiles at me. “Who knows what the future holds, we may see each other again.”

“One can hope.”

“Go on”, Luna looks up. “Get out”, she shoes me away with her hand.

I know she’s going to cry so I turn to leave.

“Clarke!”

_ One step. One step then two. _

“Clarke!”, a panicked person screams my name.

I turn around to see Lexa. Why is she so panicked?

“Stay, why don’t you stay longer?”

“Missing me already?”, I smirk at her. “I thought I was a dumb, caitiff teenager.”

Lexa laughs, “you are.” She glances at the forest. “So stay.”

“My days are up.”

“I offer you another seven.”

“No, I’ll only stress you out.”

“Who cares?”, she steps forward. “Sure you stress me out but I mean… I had fun, we had fun. There were ups and downs but when it comes down to it, I would gladly redo every moment.”

I tilt my head. 

“So, I offer you another seven days.”

I open my mouth but she holds up her finger. 

“And when those days are gone, then I’ll offer another. And another. And another. I’ll probably stop offering when my hair falls out from screaming at you but then again, let’s be honest, I’ll offer another seven days.”

I try to force words out but nothing comes.

“Take it or leave it”, Lexa uses the same tone she used the first time.

Smiling I say, “well Lexa, one might assume you like me.”

With one glance at the woods, Lexa’s smile drops. “Don’t put it blondie”, she looks at the ground.

The world seems to stop around me, everything going still. I don’t feel it enter me but once it’s through, I know something is wrong. I stumble back on my feet, and with shaky hands touch, lightly, the tip of a spear that’s sticking out of my stomach.

I wanna scream but blood comes out. It splatters onto the floor. Everything spins around me as I fall to the ground. Black lines the edge of my vision as everything becomes distant.

“Clarke!”

I know someone is screaming my name I wish I could tell who. A group of people run past me and towards the camp. I can hear fighting and screaming.

I feel an arm wrap around me. I’m slowly lifted into the air and hope it’s Lexa, but that hope is quickly gone when I manage to lift my head and see the back of Lexa.

She’s walking away, walking away from me and everything that’s going on.

I get the feeling that the person who is carrying me, is not a friend.


	16. Chapter 16

*******

(Luna’s POV)

I stand by the gate, my hands gripping my shirt.

_ She’s gone. _

Just like that, she was gone. A spear through her stomach, a woman carrying her away and now she’s gone. And I say gone because I know she ain’t coming back. If she manages to survive the walk to Skaikru camp, they will lock her up until she withers to nothing more than to what used to be Clarke. What used to be an 18 year old curious girl. There's a word Lexa used to describe her but I don't know what it means so I date not used it.

_ I usually never know what the words Lexa use mean. _

As soon as Clarke fell to the ground, all hell broke loose. Skaikru bursted through the leaves, a woman leading them all.

I remember her face quite clearly. Brown hair, brown eyes, war paint like she's one of us but she's not…. she's not!

They were hidden so well that not even Lexa noticed and she's supposed to be the queen when it comes to that. She basically invented that trick.

_ But if a King's reign has to end, why can't a Queen's? _

There was some war cry as they attacked us. I honestly thought we only did that, I never heard the Skaikru yell as they attacked.

I suppose it doesn't matter now.

Guards were slow at reacting due to Clarke lying on the ground bleeding. But once they were clear minded and started attacking, Skaikru had no chance. Some of us were already dead when they retreated into the forest with Clarke. All those who did die were dying a slow and painful death as they ran. All I know is that somewhere in that direction, they have a blonde locked up. Maybe they’re burying her because she couldn’t survive the wounds they gave her.

I don’t know what I’m more mad about. The fact that they took Clarke or the fact that Lexa didn’t fight. While everyone was dying, while her people were dying, she went into her tent. Two guards immediately stood guard at her tent protecting her while she didn't protect them.

She still hasn’t come out and it’s been an hour or two since Clarke was taken.

If I listen closely I can hear a glass shatter from Lexa’s tent. I’m guessing she’s almost as high as the sky at this point.

_ Why didn’t Lexa fight for Clarke? _

I wanna believe it was shock or something but I know that’s not the reason. I know it was because of something else but I don’t dwell on the thought. I don’t want, in fact refuse, to dwell on the thought. I’m scared of the answer I’m gonna get.

At least I'm feeling some emotions. I thought I was dead when I didn't cry for those that passes, didn't smile for the alive. I just wish fear wasn't the emotion I was feeling. I wish… I wish I wasn't feeling anything at this point. If fear is all I can feel, then am I really feeling at this point?

I look up as the faint memory of a woman comes back. I don't have many memories of her but she once said, "it's ok to be afraid. Fear is not cowardness. Fear can lead to greater plans than anger".

I guess a scared leader is more peaceful than an angry leader. Less plans that involve death and more that involve an escape plan… if you automatically fly instead of fight.

September 19th, 5057

I can only stare out the window during this meeting. The only thing that is keeping me sane right now, is the will to hold back my food. It keeps wanting to come up but I have to force is down. Maybe I'm so determined because I know this is all I'm going to eat today. It wasn't hard enough eating what I did.

Words seem to be nothing when it comes to me, I can’t even think straight. Everything sounds fuzzy and like some ancient language.

The yelling in the background sounds like flies humming in my ear. If I were to swat at them, they would come back. I would kill to just make it stop, make everything stop. I just want it to stop!

I’m about to look away from the window when I see the black of smoke. I know the forest isn’t on fire due to the fact that there’s no orange bouncing along the trees. I figure it’s the Skaikru burning something.

_ Skaikru… blondie… Clarke… _

I wonder if the kid is still alive. Part of me bets she died from her wounds. The same part that bets she died, hopes she died. If she's dead then she won’t be forced to stay in the camp she tried so hard to escape. I look down. Then again I hope she’s alive cause I know Lexa would go insane without her. Knowing they killed Clarke would make the war worse… it’ll also be just the right amount, maybe a little too much, of fire we need to win the war.

_ But would she actually go insane? She didn’t care yesterday? _

Shaking my head I try to focus on something else. I shouldn’t question Lexa, she’s scary enough right now.

I turn to face everyone. They’re quiet as Lexa yells something at them.

I try closing my eyes in hopes to stay calm but that doesn’t work. When I close my eyes the nightmare comes back. All hell from yesterday haunts me and forces me to relive the moment I’m trying to forget. The blonde falling to the floor with a spear through her stomach, people falling around as we scatter in hopes to survive. That woman, that woman leading the attack. I’ll never forget her face.

_ I told you not to get attached. _

I mentally scold myself for forgetting my number one rule. It's number one for a reason.

I excuse myself from the meeting and leave the building. Once I’m outside, I don’t feel so trapped. The smell of smoke is also more notable.

Turning into a wolf only makes it worse but I don’t change back. I run into the woods and towards the fire. I have to find out what’s going on. Maybe this will help with the everlasting nightmare called life.

I run rather loud in the forest. Doing this scares away prey that my camp is in need of. For the first time, they are not my priority. I only slow down when I can see the fence of the Skaikru camp. Clarke was right, it is about 6 feet high.

I begin to question how she got out when I remember her legs as a wolf. Her greatest power as a wolf would be running and jumping. Her hind legs looked strong.

There are guards everywhere and they raise their guns at any movement. I hide in a bush knowing that in their human form, they are too dumb to notice me.

I make sure I’m a good distance from the path because two guards walk up and down it to a certain length. When I open my mouth and turn my head in that direction, I can barely taste Clarke. Her scent is mixed in with a strong pheromone that are undoubtedly Indra’s.

_ So she’s working for them. Explains the sneaking away. _

I close my mouth and see a trail of blood that’s Clarke’s. At one point it goes haywire so I guess they kicked the dirt in hopes to cover it. They suck at that.

_ I need to get closer. _

I belly crawl to another bush. I do this until I’m by the fence in a bush. It’s a good place that allows me to see almost everything. A few kids run in front of me but none notice me. I push out the laughing children and unnecessary noises. I try to listen for something important but get nothing.

I stay in the bush for a good hour hoping to see Clarke. However I don't. I do get to see the same woman who goes from a hut to a building about 10 times in this one hour. A man calls her Abby.

I squint at the man and see it’s Kane. He’s a lot more nice to Abby than he is to others. Maybe he likes her or something.

_ This is pointless. I didn't come here to learn about relationships. _

I look up and see the sun hasn’t moved too much. Lexa won’t be wondering where I am so I could stay but what good would that do me? Maybe I should bring back prey so no one suspects anything. But then again, no one would blame me for just walking around with no reason in the forest.

I begin to back out when I feel a nip on my ass. I turn to bite the person but stop when a gray wolf is looking at me. She tilts her head before turning and walking away. I stand up and follow after her making sure to stay out of sight of the guards.

The guards seem unphased about the wolf walking about. One stops her and looks at something around her neck. It’s some collar of some sort where a laminated paper hangs from it. The guards nods and lets her continue into the forest.

Once we’re well into the forest, the wolf stops walking and changes into a human. A true beauty. I can only stare at the woman in front of me.

_ She’s… she’s… wow. _

I turn to a human eyeing every movement made by the woman.

“So you must be from another camp”, the woman takes a step to the left. “Strange clothes you got on”, she reaches out to touch. I watch her hand as she feels my shirt. She rubs the fabric between her thumb and index finger. She looks me in the eyes. “You’re prettier than they say people outside the fence are… you have no tentacles on your ass.”

_ Now that’s just rude. _

I stare at the woman. The curse words didn't’ seem right coming out of her mouth. I mean, a lot of people at camp curse and all that but this beauty… it doesn’t seem right for her to curse. Like when clarke would curse… did she curse? I guess I know a lot less than I thought.

I turn and climb up a tree.

“Are you some cat?”, the woman looks at her hands.

I don’t respond as I perch myself on a branch. I keep my eye on the woman.

“Well whatever you are, you were spying on my camp. Are you her to take Clarke again?”

_ Take? We didn’t take her. _

“We… we didn’t take Clarke.”

“Sure ya did, she went missing. It’s not Clarke to willingly leave, she fears what’s outside that fence.”

_ That’s not what she said. She seemed rather happy to be gone. _

“She said she ran.”

“I know it”, the woman snaps her fingers. She starts mumbling something before looking up at me. “Correct me if I'm wrong but you gotta listen first.”

I nod.

She sits under the tree. “Listen, Clarke was set to marry Wells but hated him because he got her father killed so she must’ve ran away. We were looking days and when we found out she was staying with you, we were happy. We expected you to give her back but ya didn’t-", the woman holds up a finger when I open my mouth. "I said to listen", she looks up at me.

"Right… sorry."

"Anyways, where was I?", she itches her head. When she remembers her hand drops. "Right, I was mad but everyone was like “Raven calm down” and all that shit.”

_ Raven. _

“She didn’t want to leave.”

"So you did kidnap her!", her gentle eyes turn into anger.

"No, no of course not. It's j-"

“Kane said y'all were holding her back from leaving as she screamed to let her go and leave.”

“Bullshit!”

Raven jumps when I yell the word.

_ I scared her. _

I hang upside down from the branch by my legs. I can feel the branch digging into the back of my knees but it doesn't bug me too much.

Raven looks me in the eyes as I hang in front of her.

“I just want my friend back", I stare into her eyes finding that I can't look away.

“No can do, I just got her back”, she lightly pushes my face back and stands up. She steps out of the way before moving her hand.

I lightly swing back and forth. “And why’s that?”

Raven eyes me. “Clarke is strapped down to a bed and ain’t goin anywhere any time soon.”

“Why the torture?”

“She keeps moving and tearing her wounds. It was Abby’s idea… Clarke keeps saying stuff about someone named Lexa and all that. Abby thinks you guys poisoned her daughter”, Raven stretches her arms.

"For someone who wanted her friend back to the point you stabbed her with a spear", I grab onto the branch and pull myself up. I climb along the branch before dropping down so I'm hanging from my legs. "You sure are giving a lot of information away to the…enemy."

"Well you know Lexa yes?"

I nod. "She is my leader at the current moment."

"Great", Raven claps her hands. “So on the daily Clarke is getting asked questions, which she doesn’t answer, then she’s injected with something.”

_ Change of subject. I wonder why ask if I knew Lexa. _

“What is it?”, I shrug off what just happened.

“Something to do with memory”, she taps her chin a few times. “Ah, I know. Abby."

"Abby?"

"Yes, Abby says in who knows how long, she’ll be back to her daughter and not remember outside the fence. I don’t know if it’s good or not, I just think it’ll stop Clarke from cursing her mom out 24/7 and maybe she’ll actually talk to people.”

I swing myself back onto the branch. “That’s a tad extreme… maybe she’s freaking out for a reason.”

Raven shrugs.

“Ok then, how do you feel about this?”

“I just want my friend happy.”


	17. Chapter 17

*****

I transform back into a human as I walk back into camp. A few people nod or wave at me while others have a short conversation. Some I have to politely cut short when I know this conversation isn't gonna end anytime sooner.

_ Have these people always been this social? _

I navigate to the last place I saw Lexa which was in the building to the farthest side of the camp.

"Is Lexa still there?", I ask a guard.

He nods. "Just know that everyone left when she suddenly went silent. They say she just waved a finger for them to leave."

"Do they know what caused this silence?"

"Someone offered her peanuts."

"Peanuts?"

He nods.

"That's… weird."

I head into the building and to the very top floor. When I walk through the door, I find Lexa sitting at the long table. Shes has head on her arm which lies on the table. She doesn't seem aware that I am here, the only thing she is aware of is a jar of peanuts.

Not knowing what to do or say, I stand at the back of the room. I make sure to be by the door in case I have to make a getaway.

The minutes begin to tick away. Lexa hasn't said anything unless sighing counts as words.

_ I gotta say something. _

I cough to let her know I'm here. Lexa still pays no attention to me so I begin, "I got info a-"

Lexa holds up her hand stopping me. She reaches into the jar and pulls out a single peanut.

That's the first movement she's made in like an hour.

She turns the peanut a few times like she's inspecting a diamond.

She sits up, a few pops sounding as she does. With a yawn she leans back in her seat. Her eyes are on the peanut in her hands. “You know… Clarke said she was allergic to these”, Lexa holds out her hand so the peanut is visible.

“That’s a common allergy.”

“I know, it’s just when I offered she said no but would watch the peanut with such fascination”, Lexa holds the peanut up. “Weird how something so small can be the cause of your death”, she allows the peanut to fall from her grasp. It rolls on the floor before coming to a stop.

I stare at it.

_ Why would she tell me such a thing? _

The click of the lid brings me back to reality. It rolls along the table stopping a few inches from me.

“You’re thinking too hard”, Lexa pushes the can away so it's at her side. “It was just simple information. Not everything I say has a reason”, she looks up at me with a weird look.

_ Or does it? _

“Where’d you go?"

“I went to Skaikru's fence.”

“And?”

“Well I got some info from someone”, I sit on the table. "About Clarke."

Lexa stiffens at the name. She stares at something only she can see.

"Lexa?"

“I'm surprised you’re not dead.”

“I know how to be quiet.”

“I thought I said to not worry.”

“It’s hard when you’re not doing shit about the current situation.”

A few seconds of silence spread between us. Lexa doesn't seem to mind as she fishes out another peanut. This one she eats instead of dropping it.

“Tell me what the person said. The one that gave you info.”

“Right”, I nod. “Well… she said that Clarke was strapped down to a bed and being injected with stuff. Something about memory and that in some random amount of time she’ll forget the fence and will stop cursing at her mom.”

Lexa looks at the window. “Abby”, I can barely make out the words she mouths. “Continue.”

“Well I wasn’t told this but I’m guessing Clarke must have stitches cause the woman said she was strapped down to prevent her from tearing her wound open again and again… her mom ordered she be tied down.”

Lexa doesn’t respond. She’s releasing strong pheromones and her eyes are a blood red. “I wanna talk to this woman… the one that told you everything you know.”

“We can’t leave until Clarke’s wounds are at least a little better.”

“What does Clarke have to do with talking to this woman?”

I shrug. “Just trust me will ya?”

********

(Clarke’s POV)

I can feel the drugs slowly wearing off. I know this forced sleep is soon gonna be over but that later I’ll be put back under. It’s just common knowledge at this point.

Everything is blurry at first but soon I can make out the blurry figure of a person moving. As my vision slowly becomes clear I'm quick to identify this person as the nurse. I blink a few times. My eyes feel like they haven't opened in years.

_ I feel so stiff. _

I try to move my hands and this causes the guards to raise their guns. I remember the restraints so I go still. They had to have woken me up for a reason. I could be stubborn and force the guards to put me back to sleep but I’m honestly curious as to why they woke me from my ‘peaceful’ slumber.

I eye everyone in the room. Abby, Kane, Wells, Raven, Octavia, Bellamy, and 3 guards. There’s also the nurse who comes in every hour.

Opening my mouth I test the muscles. Sore, stiff. My mouth is dry and so are my lips. “You guys got any water?", I smirk at the look Kane gives me.

Bellamy opens his mouth but Kane holds up a hand successfully silencing him.

I eye Wells, Octavia, and Bellamy. I wonder why they're here. Octavia's twitchy fingers tell me she had something she's doing to say but can't blurt. Bellamy probably wants to ask a million questions and Wells he probably wants to know when we'll be married and he'll be rich.

My interest is now lost from them so I look at the nurse. I watch her while keeping all emotions off my face. I don’t allow anyone to read my expression. maybe that’s how they could predict my next move. I watch the nurse, who is shaking from fear, rub something on my stomach wound.

Whatever she’s rubbing on my stomach, I can’t feel. I haven’t been able to feel my stomach for sometime now.

Now the nurse, she’s been afraid of me ever since I freaked out and caused the bed to fall over. Due to that freak out the bed is nailed to the floor and I’m restrained. The guards have a button, that if I start freaking out, they’ll press. This causes something to go into my veins and knock me out.

I just woke up so I know to stay calm. I don’t have the energy to do anything anyways. Once the nurse steps away, I get a clear view of Abby.

“Clarke”, she steps forward.

I growl at her which causes her to take a step back.

“Honey, I don’t want you to be put back to sleep… I just want to know what they did to you. What torture they did on you to make you into such a… a-”

“Monster?”, I look at everyone in the room. They’re all keeping their distance, all but Raven.

With a skip in her step she moves over to the side of my bed. I look up at her and she smiles at me. I can see in her eyes that she has something she wants to tell me.

I tilt my head and mouth what. She just smiles and gives a slight shake of the head but it’s not noticeable because no one seems to react.

I look back at Abby. A smile slowly creeps onto my face. “Oh, no. I can’t be monster”, I chuckle at the look she now has. Almost a look of hope. “Let’s see what have you called me so far? Freak, crazy, lunatic, maniac, psycho.”

“Cl-”

“Oh! And my favorite of all time”, I look her in the eyes. All traces of my are quick to disappear as my smile drops off my face. “Mentally deranged.”

“I would never.”

“I can hear even when you think I can’t.”

“Clarek, I wou-”

“Don’t lie to me!”, I pull on a restraint. A guard holds up their button so I quickly stop. I stare at the gun they also hold up. The tiny hole seems bigger than it is.

“Sorry, it’s just… what did they do to you?”

“They didn’t do anything”, I look at her.

“Clarke-”

“They didn’t do anything!”, I start pulling on my restraints. “They treated me better than you! Than my own shitty mother!”, I begin to get more mad when the restraints do their job and hold me back. “Get me out of these! I’m going to kill you! You asshole!”

I hear the beeps signifying the serum.

I see through the corner of my eye the liquid beginning to move through the tubes. I stop moving as I watch it slowly fill the tubes. “Just leave”, I whisper to everyone but keep an eye on the liquid.

Everyone slowly leaves the room.

“Ya know”, I start talking knowing Raven is still here. She’s the only one here at this point. “I wish I was back outside the camp. It’s weird how I wish for her arms and smile when she did nothing to help me.”

“The her as in Lexa?”

I nod. “Why are you still here Raven?”, I can feel the liquid beginning to take its effect on my body. “Better hurry.”

“I ran into a wolf… don’t know her name. She seemed to know you though so I figured I could trust her. I told her about your current situation.”

_ A wolf? Lexa? _

“That’s nice.”

I begin to feel hope start forming inside me. The tiny bit of hope that maybe I might be able to leave this horrible place. That maybe Lexa will appear and save me.


	18. Chapter 18

September 21st, 5057

(Luna's POV)

"Luna!", Lexa slams her hand on the table. "When can I meet this woman? It's been what? Like two days."

_ That's not a lot of days. _

"I know, I know. Today we're meeting in the woods so why don't you tag along?"

"You guys have meet up dates?", Lexa stands up.

"Yes…"

Lexa smiles. "Luna has a girlfriend."

"I do not!"

Lexa squishes her cheeks together and makes kissing noises before laughing.

_ At least she's laughing. _

I smile at her. "Oh shut up."

Does it really seem like I'm leaving to meet up with some mate? I never thought of it that way and I doubt Raven does too.

********

(Raven’s POV)

“Verified to leave again?”, Bellamy eyes my nametag.

“Yes.”

“Where are you off to this time?”

“I don’t know, the camp just seems lonely while Clarke is under the sleep drug.”

Bellamy nods. “Off you go then.”

I nod and turn into a wolf. I follow the path until Bellamy can’t see me. I take a right and head towards the waterfall. It’s not a long walk from camp. Luna usually meets me at this waterfall, she finds the sound of water relaxing.

When I'm at the hallway point, I stop walking. A rabbit hops around a few feet from me. 

It stands on the hind of its legs and sniffs the air. I watch and wait for it to run but it doesn't.

_ What do I do in this situation? _

I begin to go through the steps Luna taught me a few days ago. Bring your butt down, find the best place to hide and slowly move forward but stay aware of your surroundings and where you are stepping.

Stepping is probably the most important.

_ No! Staying out of sight is. How could I forget that? _

Shaking my head I creep forward. I take a tiny scoot forward listening for sound but also watching the rabbit. I find that scooting isn't my problem, it's my hind legs, paws to be more exact. They make a light scraping sound when I push to bring myself forward.

_ I got this. _

I’m close when I step on a twig. The twig breaking seems to waken the whole forest. Birds fly from the nearby tree scaring me as they fly away. I don't scream though, to stop that I have to bite my tongue.

The rabbit is now looking around, trying to decide if it should hide or stay. As it looks around, it spots me. One look at me and the rabbit is off.

“Dammit”, I sit down and look at the twig under my paw. “I was so close!”, with a swipe of my paw I send the twig flying.

“You wouldn’t have caught it anyways”, a black wolf walks out from behind a tree.

_ I had no idea she was there. _

I take a step away. “Wh-who are you?”

“It’s ok Raven”, Luna walks out from behind a tree. “She is right though, your butt was too high. You weren’t watching the ground, you were too focused on the rabbit. You had drool dripping from your mouth that the rabbit could hear it fall. It knew you were there, it was more mocking you.”

“I… whatever”, I look down.

“But you’re doing better”, Luna walks over to me.

I can't help but notice the brown of her pelt that I so dearly wish was the color of my pelt. I hate my gray fur.

Luna licks the side of my face. Turning I push my face into her fur and take in the calming scent.

“We don’t have all day here”, an angry growl reminds me that we have a guest.

Luna looks up at the sky. "The day just started."

The black wolf mumbles something before nudging a rock with her paw.

I step back from Luna. “Who’s that?”

“That”, Luna motions towards the other wolf. “Is Lexa.”

_ Same person Clarke talks about. _

My face lights up. "So you're Lexa", I walk over to her. I sniff her fur before stepping back. "Clarke will be delighted!", I hop into the air. "She's getting tired of hearing the same thing over and over. Maybe hearing about you will calm her so she'll naturally fall asleep instead of the drug forced shit."

Lexa steps away from me. She actually walks around a tree and sits by a bush. “You must be Raven then.”

I nod.

"Clarke didn't say much about you."

I nod again.

“Well I’m sorry we have to meet under such circumstances”, she lifts her paw and licks at it a few times. “I understand you have been meeting up with Luna. I assume you guys are romantically involved.”

I open my mouth but she cuts me off.

“I don't care. Whatever you guys have between the two of you is your problem", she looks in the direction of the Skaikru camp. "I have my own relationship to worry about."

_ Was she romantically involved with Clarke?! _

"You took my friends virginity didn't you?!”, a low growl comes from my throat.

Luna wears a look of worry but keeps her mouth shut.

Lexa gives a tiny shrug. "What do you think?"

"I-"

"Not a question in need of an answer", she stands up and walks over to me. I watch her sniff my pelt a few times before sitting back down. “What’s happening to Clarke?”

I eye Lexa. Her voice took on a new tone when Clarke entered the conversation. Her eyes display a certain wanting or need. She looks vulnerable.

"She’s still strapped down, they keep injecting things into her veins. But it’s not the memory stuff, they now mix that in with her food.”

Lexa nods.

“On the days I visit Luna, she helps me hunt and clean the animal. We cook it and I feed it to Clarke so she won’t be secretly drugged. Of course she doesn’t know the memory stuff is in her food that they feed her cause then she’ll scream at her mom and I don’t need that right now.”

“So she hasn’t forgotten?”

“Not yet.”

Lexa stands up and walks over to a tree. She leans against it. “I appreciate you helping the blonde, from what I’ve been told you guys are really close.”

“We are.”

"I also know she is not easy to care for."

"No she is not", I tilt my head. "The seven days she was with you… I'm guessing she was quite troublesome."

Lexa stares at me, her eyes seem like they're digging holes into my skin. "Troublesome… nah, not troublesome. She was rather interesting in her own ways."

"No one has ever described Clarke like that."

“I am simply stating the truth… you are welcomed at the Trikru camp anytime.”

Luna and I watch Lexa walk away. She’s almost gone when she yells “don’t forget we have places to be in an hour!” at Luna.

Once she’s gone Luna turns to me. She licks between my eyes. “Shall we hunt?”

****

I walk to the fence as a human. I hold a bundle of leaves that hides the animals that are now cooked.

"Those leaves for Abby?", Bellamy opens the gate.

"I noticed she was running low", I walk into camp.

When Bellamy isn't looking, I room to where Clarke is being held. I put my ear to the door to make sure no one is in there. When I'm sure it's just Clarke, I push the door open.

Clarke looks at me with a snow on her face. I approach her anyways with the bundle of food.

"Have they brought your food yet?"

Clarke shakes her head.

"Great, I brought something for you", I unwrap the food.

I have to slowly feed Clarke. It's a really slow process because she's given up on most things. At this point the only thing keeping her same is my constant visits and the window.

Once she's done eating, I wipe her mouth and put the leaves on the table. I stand up and wipe my hands.

"I have to go do some things", I walk to the door not expecting a response. "Oh, tell Abby those leaves are for her."

Clarke grunts.

I reach for the 'cell' door. This place is cold quite creepy. I'd hate to be stuck in...

_ No wonder she's given up. _

Sighing I turn around. "Clarke?"

"Shouldn't you be gone by now?"

"Nope", I walk over to her. "How about you tell me about the Trikru camp?"

Clarke uses her elbow to move the bed up to a sitting position. She coughs at first but soon her voice finds her.

I actually find the stories interesting, the amount of detail she can include whether she's talking about a person or the meadow of flowers.

I smile at Clarke.

_ I'm gonna get her out of here, I have to get her out of here. _

September 22nd, 5057

(Clarke’s POV)

I stare out the window, the sun is just peeking out from behind the mountains. I figure it’s sometime between 6 and 7 in the morning. I wonder what the sunrise looks like from the waterfall.

"From the meadow", I whisper quietly in fear I might wake Raven.

_ The meadow. _

Memories of Trikru camp begin flooding back. I know I will start freaking out then go into some drug induced sleep so I turn to Raven. She’s fast asleep with her head on my stomach. she lies curled up on the left side of my body.

When I reach for her I feel my hair get tugged on. Looking at my right hand, I realize I was braiding my hair. It looks the braid Lexa did in the meadow. Strange how I can braid it but I don't remember the steps to do so.

Unbraiding the braid I turn to Raven.

“Raven, Raven”, I lightly shake her.

There’s a grunt as Raven’s eyes open. She yawns and looks at me. “What’s wrong?”

“I need someone to talk to.”

“Ok”, she rolls onto her back so her legs hang off the bed. She keeps her head on my stomach though. “Sorry about falling asleep on you.”

“It’s fine, it was nice having a sleeping buddy.”

“Is it that lonely every night?”

I nod.

“Then I’ll sleep in here every night? How about that?”

“I’d like that.”

Raven sits up. She turns around and lifts up my shirt. Her eyes take in my wound as she mouths a few things to herself. “Does it hurt?”

“I can’t feel my stomach, haven't been able to in like forever."

"Does Abby know?"

I nod "Says it's a side effect of something… won't say what though."

Raven nods.

"Shouldn’t you be in the woods meeting someone?”

“I figured I’d spend the day with you.”

I don’t bother hiding the smile on my face, but I do hold the tears that wish to fall.

_ At least I can count on someone in this stupid camp. _

“I wish I could get up and walk around.”

"If only", Raven looks at the ceiling. 

"Yo-"

“You can”, Raven leaps off the bed. I can only see her ass in the air as she gets on her knees and digs under the bed. She stands up and sets a box labeled ‘walk’ on the bed.

“You found a box… congrats?"

“Oh that is where you are wrong my friend”, Raven smiles. "And thank you", she bats her eyelashes.

"You are welcome", I stretch my fingers.

“Right… this box holds handcuffs.They have the knock out drugs hidden in the cuffs and it tracks your pulse so that way it knows if you’re beginning to freak out. It also knows if you’re running, it’ll automatically knock you out if you start running. This can be stopped by typing in a certain code. I think in a few days the nurse wants you up and doing some exercises. But before then, they don’t want you running.”

“Jeez, all that in handcuffs?”

Ravne nods. “It also has a tracking device but with this you can walk around. Of course someone has to be with you.”

"You're awfully excited about cuffs meant to hold your friend back."

"I… I'm sorry."

"It's fine. You invented this didn't you?”

“Yes I did, got a lot of money too. I’mma save it up and when I have enough, leave this ugly ass place.”

_ And leave me... _

“Sounds like a plan you got there."

"Oh Clarke, I'm gonna take you."

"I know… how am I supposed to walk around with my wound.”

“They say a little walking shouldn’t harm your wound too much. But bending over may hurt.”

I glance at my stomach. "I can't feel anything anyways."

Raven ignores my comment and calls a guard in, she tells him the plan for today. The guard doesn’t seem to have a problem but he talks to Abby before doing anything. Abby walks into the room and eyes me.

“You really wanna walk around?”

I nod. I don’t look at her knowing if I do, I will try to kill her.

“Why walk around the camp you hate so much?”

“I don’t know which I hate more, the camp or this stupid room… or you.”

“I don’t see a problem with letting her walk around.”

The guard walks over to me while the other stands back with his gun pointed at my head. I watch as the guard takes off the restraints then raises his gun.

I slowly sit up with the help of Raven. I lightly touch my wrists only to find they hurt.

“I’ll have a nurse bandage as much as she can without causing a disturbance to the handcuffs.”

I sit my legs over the side of the bed as a nurse massages the soreness away. Once she’s done I have to do a few weird stretches so Abby can make sure my stitches won’t burst. When she approves the handcuffs are put on me.

Abby tests a few things to make sure everything is working fine. “You don’t leave Raven’s sight.”

“I know.”

“I know you know, I need to know if you understand. If you understand the consequences if you do leave her sight.”

I don’t respond.

“Clarke, do you understand?”

I nod.

“You understand that if you were to leave her sights you would be strapped back down and put into a drug induced coma while people tinkered with your brain. You wouldn’t see the light of day for a good month or two. Am I understood?”

“Yes! I understand.”

Abby nods. “Off you guys go then.”

Raven leads me outside. I have to squint at first but soon everything is clear. The sun doesn’t seem too bright anymore.

“Feel nice to be outside?”

I don’t respond. I find myself taking in deep breaths of the outside air. One would think I was starved of air for years.

“Oh, I forgot something”, Raven turns and runs.

I can hear her feet running up the stairs. I know she’s in a hurry because I’m not supposed to be on my own.

“Clarke.”

I look around for the source of the voice. A hand appears around the corner beckoning me over to it.

_ I won’t be gone for long. _

I walk around the corner to find a woman at a stand. “Yeah?”

“I bet you’ve been starved of anything sweet”, she holds out a caramel apple. “On the house.”

“Thank you”, I take the apple.

“God dammit.”

I look around the corner to see Raven. She’s cursing to herself.

“Guess I gotta follow the rules”, she looks at the watch on her wrist. “I wasn’t gone for that long.”

“I’m right here.”

Raven turns around.

I smile at her and bite into the apple. The juices spread over my tongue.

“I was gone for a minute.”

“Yep, it only took me a minute to get my hands on this apple.”

“Where’d you get it anyways?”

“I was offered it. It’s nice to have something sweet.”

Raven nods a look of sadness or regret coming onto her face. “Here”, she walks over to me.

I watch as she pushes my shirt up and wraps bandage onto my stomach. I’m guessing this is to prevent the fabric from irritating my stitches or get caught on them.

“C’mon, let’s walk around”, Raven takes my free hand.

********

(Luna’s POV)

“You ready?”, Lexa glances at me.

“Yeah, why are we going to the Skaikru camp anyways? Aren’t we mad at them or something?”

Lexa shrugs. “I have some last things to wrap up.”

I eye Lexa. “Last things?”

“I can see why you and Clarke got along. You guys have way too many questions”, Lexa starts walking. The guards start moving as soon as she does.

“Is that bad?”

“Stop asking questions.”

_ I pissed her off. _

The rest of the walk in silence. Well not total quiet, Lexa will say something to a guard or mumble something to herself. The rest of the walk is quiet for me since no one is talking to me. I try to imagine Clarke by me. She would be in wolf form trying to catch everything and asking about how to improve. She’d also be bugging Lexa about the littlest thing. Like that leaf falling off the tree. Clarke would probably say something like, “do you think leaves scream when they fall” and Lexa would pretend to be annoyed but she’d wear a smile on her face.

The fence squeaks as we’re welcomed in. A few people stare at us while we walk by. I keep my eyes to the ground until the familiar scent runs over me. It’s not Raven, it’s Clarke. There’s also a hint of Indra but I don’t have time for that walking shit.

I push to the front of my people so I’m walking by Lexa. Only one problem, Lexa isn’t walking. She’s frozen stiff as she takes in the sight to the right of her. I follow her eyes to find Clarke.

Clarke looks sick. Her hands are hanging as metal cuffs dig into her wrists. She’s shaking like a chihuahua. All the color seems to have left her eyes and leave them a dull grey (not literally). She has bags under her eyes that if she applied makeup, you’d still be able to see them. You can tell she hasn't bathed for a while, her hair seems to have lost the gold in it. I look at her hands which are shaking the most, they seem to be struggling to hold onto a caramel apple.

Raven notices and takes the apple. She brings Clarke’s hands up and helps her get a grip on the apple.

I can hear Lexa release a shaky breath that is followed by a quiet “what did they do to you”.

_ Us standing here isn’t helping Clarke. This is probably messing with her what’s real and what’s not real brain. _

I look at Raven who seems to get what I’m trying to say through my eyes.

“Clarke, why don’t we go to the sand area? Draw in the dirt or something?”

Clarke looks away from Lexa and nods. “I want a short and skinny stick.”

“I can find that.”

I look in front of me. A few feet away Abby and Kane stand. They seem to have watched everything. Abby has a look of displeasure as she scribbles something onto her clipboard.

“What brings you here?”

*****

“Where are your restrooms?”

“I told you to pee before we left”, Lexa glares at me.

“Oh don’t scold me like I’m your child”, I shoo her away with my hand.

Abby gives me directions to the nearest bathroom. She doesn’t have any guards follow me. I force myself to go straight to the bathroom before heading back to the meeting room. I’m about to walk in when I freeze.

“I didn’t expect you to set up a trap. Sending Indra was smart.”

_ Abby. _

“I didn’t set a trap, I simply told you what to do so my people wouldn’t notice you in the trees.”

“I didn’t expect it to work, having us attack during a dinner party was smart. Everyone was caught off guard.”

“Yes, they were.”

I can imagine Lexa nodding as she talks.

“I thought we agreed no one died.”

“We did but I figured a few deaths would make the attack more believable.”

“Well you got your daughter back and this stupid war ends. We're done working together.”

_ Working together?! _

I silently open the door. Abby spots me but Lexa doesn’t. Her back is to me as she taps her finger on the table.

“Don’t you want your guard back?”

“No, no one in my camp trusts Indra anyways. She won’t find a place among my people”, Lexa turns around. She freezes, her eyes are wide at the sight of me. She knows I heard their conversation just now.

I have to grab onto my pants to stop my hands from shaking. I want to kill Lexa, I want to scream at her but I know that will bring pleasure to Abby so I stay silent.

Without a word, I turn and run out of the building. I run past everyone and into the forest. I turn into a wolf and run towards the waterfall. I stare at the water running over the edge of the cliff. Turning into a human, I take a few steps before running forward. Everything seems to go slow. I can feel my arms go from up in the air to my knees. I slowly bring them towards me and tuck my head in my knees. I make no attempt to surface to the top, instead I allow myself to sink to the bottom of the lake. 

_ Why? Why would Lexa help them? She has to be innocent… has to be. Maybe she has some plan I’m not in on. I can’t blame her for not including me… maybe she’s tricking the Skaikru leader. Abby.. that stupid chihuahua. _

September 24th, 5057

"I just don't get it Raven", I throw a rock. "How could Lexa do such a thing?"

Raven looks up. She tries to see through the leaves of trees. "People do weird things when desperate."

"What makes you think Lexa is desperate?"

Raven shrugs, her eyes peel away from the sky. "I think you know the answer to that… you're just wishing I will confirm it", she reaches over and plucks a rose. "Shouldn't doubt yourself too much... or too often for that matter."

I look at the ground. "Smart words."

“Wanna hear about Clarke?”, Raven peels the petal off a flower.

“Sure, hit me.”

“Well…”, her hands freeze. She eyes the rose she holds and grabs onto a petal. “They started monitoring her food hence why I don’t hunt anymore”, she peels off another petal. “And well… they upped the dose of the forgetting stuff. By tomorrow she won’t remember anything outside that stupid fence.”

I freeze. “I thought we had a few days.”

“We did, but they upped the dose.”

“I have to go”, I stand up.

“Do you really think Lexa is gonna be of any help? Based off what you told me… I doubt she wants Clarke back in her hair.”

“I still have hope”, I plant a kiss on Raven’s head before turning and running.

I burst into camp and run right into Lexa.

“Slow down there.”

“Clarke.”

“Hmm?”

“Tomorrow, she’ll forget by tomorrow.”

Lexa nods. She studies some apples for sale. “Which one looks best?”

“That doesn’t matter! Clarke does!”

“Oh yes, forgetting.”

“Why don’t you care?!”

“Let her forget… maybe it’s for the best. Can’t you see? Everyone has moved on, why can’t you?”

I stare at Lexa. I try to read her eyes but she looks away. I know she doesn’t want me to see her eyes, she knows I’m going to figure her out. She has to have a reason for letting Clarke forget. Just what is that reason?

_ Guess I’m on my own. _

September 25th, 5057

Raven looks at a jar of peanuts. “Have you always had these?”, she walks around Lexa’s tent.

“Yes, I have”, Lexa nods. She gets up from the bed and moves over to the table where she with her arms crossed.

“You know… Clarke is allergic.”

“I know.”

Raven smiles and shakes her head. “Or so she tells people… her dad used to love these. After he died, Clarke couldn’t stand the sight of peanuts. She would puke after eating one… too many memories I suppose.”

Lexa looks at the ground. “Why are you here?”

“I don’t know if you care anymore but Clarke forgot.”

I watch Lexa’s reaction. It goes from mad to sad to nothing.

“Around noon. The name Trikru seemed weird to her. They asked her questions and she was confused by every single one.”

“What’s happening with her now?”

“Against her own will she has moved in with Wells. He’s making sure she takes her pain killers and eats”, Raven grabs a peanut. “They’re almost always together now, I think Clarke is falling for him. I guess Abby targeted more than her memory of outside the camp.”

“Is she free of cuffs?”, Lexa looks up from the ground.

“No, she has the occasional freak out. Something no one can help, Abby says it’s her brain trying to put itself back together.”

There's a long period of silence. Raven doesn't attempt to start a conversation. She'll give me the occasional glance but no words leave her mouth.

Lexa looks at me. “Get on with it, I know you’re mad.”

I am mad… I have a lot to be mad about...

“You’re a coward”, I glare at Lexa. “You’re a coward for not facing your feelings about Clarke. You’re a coward for not helping Clarke when she needed you most. For watching her struggle in pain. Watching as you made an alliance with the woman causing her pain. For letting her slip away because of your stupid fear of love!”

“I don’t know wh-”

“Don’t you deny it”, I step towards Lexa. “Don’t you deny your feelings! You know I’m right, you know I’m right.”

Lexa looks away. Her eyes stay on the ground.

_ She’s afraid to look at me. _

“Is that why you set up a plan with Abby? All so she could take Clarke? All because Clarke got too close for comfort?!”, I try to find Lexa’s eyes but they’ll look at anything but me. “Lexa!”

“Yes!”, she finally looks at me. “Yes.”

I open my mouth only to close it. “I… the blonde liked you, she really did. You let a good one go”, I turn and leave the tent. On my way out I grab Raven’s hand and drag her with me.


	19. Chapter 19

I stare at the rushing water of the river. Reaching out I put my finger in the water.

“Why don’t you take a walk or something?”, Raven grabs a stick. “You need to get away from people for a while”, she smiles at me.

“Yeah… you’re probably right.”

“I’ll stay here… I can’t stand the camp at the current moment.”

I look at Raven. “Camp?”

“I know where you’re gonna run off to”, she shooes me away with the stick. “Now go, go before you go insane.”

I nod and run out of camp. I slow down when I get closer to the Skaikru fence.

They must have lowered security now that Clarke is wondering about and doesn't want to run. Though I bet she has guards on her 24/7. I can't just walk in because they’ll know what I want… guess I gotta head to the fence and prey Clarke knows where I am.

Turning into a wolf I sneak through the bushes until I’m by the fence. I sniff the fence for a weak spot but can't find one.

_ How does Raven get out? _

“Luna.”   
I look behind me to see no one there.

“Luna? Luna you there?”

“Clarke?”

The leaves blocking the view into the camp are moved. The blonde looks through the fence. “I knew it.”

“H-how?”, I look around to make sure we haven’t been noticed.

“Raven said to stick by the fence today… something about a surprise.”

_ She knew I would come after she told me about Clarke. _

“Wait… how do you remember me? I thought you forgot about outside the fence?”

“Pfft, no of course not. I know how to act. Raven would feed me food but not the food they were giving me… she just didn’t tell you because she wanted the plan to go along accurately.”

“So… you have to pretend?”

“Basically, not too much though. I’m still labeled as a mentally unstable patient right now.”

“Good or bad?”

“Good, right now good. Can’t say about the future.”

I nod. “I’m just glad you’re ok.”

“What’s up with Lexa.”

“Um… she thinks you’ve forgotten and she allowed it to happen.”

_ Should I say the rest or just leave it at that? Clarke’s smart. _

“I don’t know how her brain is wired, but it’s wrong”, I look at Clarke.

A laugh leaves her mouth but it doesn't sound like her laugh. Sounds… sounds wrong. Not meant for her. 

“Hasn’t it always been?”

“This is true… I guess give it time. With time Lexa will come to her senses. Even if you didn’t remember her, she would remember you.”

“Is she at least handling everything well?”

I shake my head. I refuse to talk about the empty glasses and the women that would leave the tent. The fact that she isn’t much of a leader at the current moment.

“I wanna leave this fucked up place. I’m tired of having to be drugged up and all the shots. I hate acting happy with my stupid mom.”

I scoot back on my stomach and away from the fence when Kane appears behind Clarke. He has his arms crossed and a smile on his face. “Well well, what’s going on here?”

The leaves move blocking my view from everything. I can barely see Clarke as she begs Kane to not say anything.

“Guards! Take Clarke back to her room!”

I take a cautious scoot forward and watch. Clarke is being dragged away, she’s screaming but her voice doesn't reach my ears. The guards inject something into her arm and soon she’s trying to scream but nothing is coming out. I watch as a shake racks her body before she passes out.

“Someone get that wolf, I need a new pair of boots.”

I take this as a hint to run. Turning I dart out from the bush. There’s a loud bang then everything starts spinning. I can feel something running down my hind leg but I don’t feel anything.

_ A little farther. Just a little farther and I should be safe. _

I shake my head and force myself to go forward. The edge of the forest just touches my paw before I fall to the ground. 

“Shoot her!”

I look over my shoulder to see a familiar face holding a gun. The woman is focusing it on me, her finger ready to push the trigger.

_ Same woman that lead the attack. _

I close my eyes preparing for death but just as the gun goes off, I’m dragged into the forest. I watch the trees fly by me. I’m painfully dragged across the forest floor as someone runs with my scruff in their mouth. I hit rocks and logs before the person stops. They push me into a bush and hide by me.

"They went this way!"

The sound of feet become loud, stop by the bush, then slowly fade away.

“We’re good.”

I look around. A black wolf stands by me, she sniffs over my wound a couple of times before meeting my eyes. “Lexa?”

“What the hell were you doing!”

“I… I wanted to check things out.”

“You almost died Luna!”

I look at the ground.

“Just forget about the kid, we’re only causing her trouble. I knew keeping the blonde was a mistake”, Lexa turns into a human. "Let's get you to the camp."

I turn into a human and painfully make it to camp. By the time we arrive at camp, my pants are dyed red. “Someone get her treated", Lexa sets me on a bench. "Try to cooperate."

I watch Lexa walk away. A group of medics walk over to me, they take a few minutes inspecting the wound before treating it.

Raven walks over to us. "That's gonna hurt."

I look at her. "Really?"

"Yep, they have to dig the bullet out." Raven lightly pats my shoulder, "don't worry about Lexa… she’s just dealing with her emotions.”

I nod and watch her walk away.

********

(Raven's POV)

I crawl through the bushes and to my spot. I’m getting ready to squeeze through the fence when I find there’s no hole. There’s no sign of me leaving this morning.

_ I swear it was this spot. _

I walk around the fence searching for my spot but find nothing. When I back into the forest and look at the fence as a whole, I see it’s a new fence. They upgraded… they did while I was out. They don’t know I’m gone.

I could go up to Bellamy and say for him to let me in but he’d report me to Abby then I'd be a prisoner for leaving without permission… they'll accurately assume I was talking to the enemy. I mean your best friend is locked up and you keep disappearing… pretty obvious. All because of the upgrade today... I could die in a cell.

_ I don’t know what to do. _

Before I can think, I’m already running back to the Trikru camp. I leap over fallen trees and ignore the prey scattering away from me. I burst into camp screaming.

“I can’t get back! I can’t get back!”

A few people look out of their houses while others just stare.

Lexa walks out of her tent, she has a whole bottle of wine and a piece of bread that she carelessly tosses to the floor. Luna peeks out from behind her then pushes past her and runs over to me.

One hand grabs my shoulder, the other cups my cheek. "Raven? I thought you left."

“The… the fence", I grab onto the front of Luna's shirt. "The… they-"

“Take it slow.”

“They… they sealed everything up. No one can leave or come, I can’t go back in! I can’t!”

“Did you check the whole fence?”

“It’s a new fence!”

“No surprise there”, Lexa takes a drink of wine.

Luna glares at Lexa as a warning but Lexa continues anyways.

“When you want to keep something dangerous in, you gotta take drastic measures."

“Clarke isn’t dangerous!”

"Oh dearest… I wasn't talking about the blonde. I was talking about the crazy idiots inside that camp", another drink of wine. "But Clarke must be if you assumed I was talking about her just by the word dangerous."

_ I did just naturally assume she was talking about Clarke. Is she dangerous?“ _

" _ That’s _ because they shoot her on the daily!”

“Or is it?”, Lexa turns and disappears into her tent.

**Ok, I apologize for the major time skip. I did have Raven going to the fence and checking again and Luna tagging along but it was too short that it felt unnecessary or not needed for that fact.**

January 1st, 5058

********

(Luna’s POV)

"Last one?", I look at Nico.

"Yes ma'am", he nods.

"Thank you."

"Anytime, you have fun now. You need a vacation."

"I'll see you later Nico", I wave to him then turn to Lexa.

“So why were you called to stay in the new camp?”

“I wasn’t", she digs through a box of red wine.

"You're gonna become and addict."

"Sue me", Lexa pulls out a bottle. She sits on a rock and struggles to open the bottle.

I look away from Lexa.

Ever since Clarke was taken, because of Lexa, Lexa has been drinking more and more wine. It's almost natural for her to have a bottle in her hands.

“Then why leave?”, I look back at Lexa.

“Just get things up and running.”

“Right… or are you trying to escape certain memories?”

Lexa gives me a cold look. “I thought we dropped that subject months ago?”

“I haven’t…”

“Let me guess, you went back and failed", she takes a long drink of wine.

I nod. “Skaikru is serious about it… I mean I know it’s pointless to go back. Maybe that’s why I’m leaving this camp to go to the new one. Running just like you.”

Lexa doesn’t deny the running part. She simply nods.

"Did you see Clarke at all?"

"Do you want me to answer that?"

Lexa nods then shrugs.

"If you really care then go yourself."

Lexa looks up. “Go get your girlfriend, everything is packed.”

"Well, are you coming today?”

“Yes but not right now. I have something I need to do.”

“Figured as much”, I look at Lexa. I quickly snatch the bottle of wine before jumping into the wagon. “Don’t take too long.”

Raven walks over to me. “We ready?”

“Yep”, I help her into the wagon. “Excited?”

“Sure”, Raven looks in the direction of the Skaikru camp. “I just wish she could come.”

“We all do”, I pat Raven’s knee.

“I had this dream… this dream that Clarke was inside those fences… but she was happy. She had a daughter with Wells and a dog as a pet. She moved on."

"Why do you sound sad then?"

"She still remembered! She just gave up on us and forced herself to love on meaning she had hope we'd show up but we failed her."

_ I thought we already did that. _

I wonder if the blonde is still hanging onto hope… I wouldn't be surprised. It's so like her.


	20. Chapter 20

********

(Clarke’s POV)

“Everything ready?”

I search for Abby, the only familiar face I’ll see in this room. However, I don’t spot her. I can only hear her. 

“Yes”, a doctor tests my restraints and flashes a light in my eyes. “We’re ready to go.”

I watch a purple substance start moving through the tube. It goes slow kinda like syrup. When I look around, I see the doctors watching with such amazement as they wait for it go streaming into my blood. As soon as the substance makes contact in my blood stream, the effect is immediate.

The pain begins in my feet then slowly climbs up my body. It spreads to every part leaving nothing untouched before it reaches my brain. At first I close my eyes hoping it’ll go away but it gets stronger.

It feels like a fire is raging inside my brain. LIke nothing can calm this fire that is destined to engulf my brain and leave nothing but ashes.

I’m not aware I’m hitting my head on the table until someone restrains it. I open my mouth to find it already open. My throat is dry and sore… was I screaming? I can’t recall the last few seconds. It’s all a big blur, my thoughts go back to the fire preventing me from thinking.

However the fire slowly goes down. My thoughts begin to clear and I’m able to process things. I look up to see Abby. She holds a needle that she lightly taps then grabs my arms.

“No.”

My cries for her to stop have no effect on her. In fact she seems deaf to them. Her eyes are wild with excitement, I’ve seen this look. I remember it from when I was a child.

It’s a look I was scared of and still am. It’s the look Abby gets when she’s testing something, when her science experiment is interesting to her.

_ So why is she looking at me like that? _

The realization hits me like a bullet. It hurts worse than the fire that has gone out in my brain. This realization lights a new fire, one I’m too familiar with. Anger.

I open my mouth to scream at her but the words turn into a painful scream. I can hear my voice crack as my vocal cords want to give out but the screaming doesn’t stop. The screaming flows through my head and around my body to the point that’s all I can hear until I can’t hear at all.

*****

I wake up screaming, my head smacking into the wall. I look around in a panic only to find I’m in my room. The same boring room. A bed that is nailed to the floor, a hairbrush on the nightstand that holds a book, the cement floor is cold as ever, and the window is still open.

I push myself to my feet which causes my head to spin. I fall to my knees my head still spinning. Shaking my head I crawl to the nightstand which holds my book. My father gave it to me years ago, he said when I was old enough I would understand. I put the book aside and use the nightstand to stand up. I move to the window and sit on the window sill, my back to the outside world.

I eye the things in my room, seeing them makes me mad so I look over my shoulder and to the forest. I have very faint memories of what lies beyond the fence.

My head hurts as I force myself to remember but I’ve felt worse pain today.

I remember a woman, two… no three. One of them wasn’t very nice, she pushed my face into the dirt. One of them was carefree and liked to joke around. She reminded me of… of…

I close my eyes as I try to remember who she reminded me of. In the end I give up and look back out the window. I quickly spot the raven standing outside my window. It tilts its head before turning and flying off.

I begin to remember the third person. She was always serious, she would scold me for everything but apologize in the end. She was caring in her own way and… her wolf. A midnight black with stunning…

“Green eyes”, I whisper the rest of my thought out loud. I stare at the outline of a black wolf, it’s green eyes are noticeable from where I sit. Thinking it’s the purple juice from earlier, I rub my eyes but the wolf is still there.

The wolf holds something in its mouth. It’s a flower hat. Seeing the hats forces a memory into my head. One full of light, full of color. The only memory I seem to have that isn’t gray and fuzzy. A smile and pink cheeks. A braid in my hair and the gentle fingers on my scalp. The flowers moving around us… the woman. The woman, Lexa.

I quickly turn away from the window so my back is to the wolf. Why am I turning away? Shouldn’t I be happy?

Taking a few deep breaths I force myself to avoid looking at the wolf. The minutes tick by before I give up and look behind me. The wolf is gone, all that remains of proof that she was here is a flower crown.

February 5th, 5059

********

(Lexa’s POV)

I stare at my mashed potatoes. I never like mashed potatoes, the cooks know this too, yet they put it on my plate. I used to force myself to eat them but now they are a reminder of a certain someone. A certain someone I’m trying to forget.

I push my plate away which causes the whole dining room to go silent. Everyone swallows what they were chewing and looks at me. I’m stuck at some wedding, it’s the first wedding in this newly expanded Trikru camp.

A guard walks over to me. “Do you wish to bring out dessert?”

“I do not wish to do anything”, I glare at him. “Carry on”, I wave my hand at everyone. This causes the music to start again, the talking to erupt and the eating to continue.

February 6th, 5059

“Why do they keep giving me mashed potatoes?!”, without a care I swipe my plate onto the floor. It shatters sending food flying all over the floor.

Raven glances at Luna who is smirking at me.

“What!”, I snap at her.

“I didn’t think mashed potatoes would upset you that much.”

“That’s not what you want to say.”

“You’re right”, Luna looks me in the eyes. “You’re running from something you have to face.”

Raven looks at me. “Mashed potatoes?”

Luna laughs and shakes her head. “No, she knows what I’m talking about.”

I look at the window. “Yes I know.”

Luna nods. She turns to Ravne and starts whispering stuff to her. Raven nods along giving me the occasional glance. She finally looks at me and flings a pea at me.

“That’s why you hate mashed potatoes?!”

“Yes… well I’ve always hated them but this only fueled it.”

“Sounds like you regret something… why not make it right?”

I don’t respond. My eyes find the window again. I wrap my arms around myself suddenly feeling vulnerable.


	21. Chapter 21

“I got a plan”, I look at Raven and Luna.

Luna gives me a weird look that sets my blood on fire.

“What!”

She laughs and shakes her head. “Oh and what is this great plan the sleeping Heda holds in her hands?”

I glare at Luna. “The sarcasm isn’t needed. It’s a real plan.”

“Right, like you’re suddenly able to make plans.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s just you haven’t really been in the present ever since… that stuff.”

I nod.

“Anyways, we can’t afford another physical fight with a clan. After the last one everyone is still healing.”

I smile. “This is the good part”, I sit up. “You don’t have to fight in this plan.”

“What about the ones we are considering attacking?”

“They won’t fight since they’ll have no idea what’s going on.”

Luna eyes me. She has doubt in her eyes telling me she doesn't fully trust me.

_ Suppose I can't blame her. _

Slowly, very slowly, a smile spreads onto her face. “I’m listening”.

_ That's good. _

“Ok so here’s what I’m thinking”, I lean forward with my hands on the table. “We, the Trikru, are masters of disguise right?”

Luna nods. “This is true… well most of us”, Luna gives Raven a weird look.

Raven tilts her head in confusion then her smile drops. She lightly pushes Luna's shoulder, “I’m learning!”

Luna and Raven go into some friendly bickering where they tease one another trying to sound angry.

“Guys, we don’t have all day”, I glare at both of them.

“Right, sorry”, Raven nudges Luna with her elbow.

“Where were we?”, Luna runs her hand down Raven’s elbow only to grab her hand.

I physically gag and cover my mouth. “You guys are gross.”

“That’s not gross”, Luna put her hands on Raven's cheeks. “This is gross”, she kisses Raven. It looks like they’re trying to swap tongues as the kiss turns into something I wish I wasn’t seeing. When they split a string of spit connects them. 

“That was-”, I cover my eyes. “And you guys are going again”, I turn around. “Obviously this is gonna turn into sex”, I head towards the flap of the tent.

“Love you!”, Luna quickly says over her shoulder before her mouth is captured by Raven again.

“Yeah yeah”, I leave my tent. Normally I’d walk around and check on people just to see how they are adapting to the camp but this time I sit by the tent.

I hug my knees and stare into the forest. I wonder if my plan will work, if Clarke even remembers at this point. If maybe she’ll chose to stay and all this would be for nothing. 

_ Would my regret leave? _

I doubt it, I bet if she were to stay I’d only grow more regret and eventually go insane. I’ll dream of things I could have with her… things I want with her. The things I feared a year ago, feared them enough to turn her in. Funny thing is that I want all those things with her yet I fear them, I fear them more than love.

“What am I gonna do?”, I bury my head in my knees and push out the world and drift into sleep. 

*****

"Still tired?", Luna smirks when I yawn.

"Sorry", I rub my eyes.

Luna doesn't respond but she's far from mad… more amused than anything.

“Ok”, I sit across from Luna and Raven. “Can I continue without you guys making love in the middle of it?”

“Yeah”, Raven flattens her hair.

Leaning forward I flatten some hair she forgot.

"Thanks."

“Ok, so Trikru are masters of disguise and no one beats us at it.”

Luna nods.

“So we have to start at the border of Skaikru’s property. With this we’ll slowly scare the animals away, we’ll get bigger and bigger over time until off Skaikru’s food has been driven off and has gone into our forests”, I hold my finger up when Luna opens her mouth to talk. “When Skaikru goes to hunt, they’ll be nothing to hunt.”

Luna closes her mouth.

“Of course they’ll manage for a good week or two… maybe three before they have to cave in and explore other properties.”

“How do you know they won’t ask Flourkru for food?”

“I was getting there”, I stand up and walk over to the window. “They’ll try us first but we’ll have to hold ground and threaten them. I’ll probably be called to the fence and all that but they wouldn’t dare break the ‘peace’ between us to try and hunt in our forest”, I stare out the window. “With this the Skaikru will go to Floukru. The queen may offer to help but I doubt she will since she's smart enough to know we fiddled with something and she isn’t exactly fond of Skaikru.”

“You put thought into this.”

Ignoring Raven’s comment I continue, “I think the queen will come to us first and try to gain something out of not helping Skaikru. She knows we’re weak at the current moment so she’ll take advantage of it… but Floukru is the only other clan that borders Skaikru so I’m not too worried about this plan failing. I just need the queen on my side until Skaikru agrees to certain things.”

There’s a few minutes of silence before Luna speaks up.

“This could work”, she nods. “Yes, yes it could work… do you wish for me to set up a meeting with you and the Floukru queen?”

“That would be great.”

Luna nods, she stands up and leaves the tent. Raven is quick to follow. With them gone, I move over to the bed. I’m about to sit down when I stop. A weird feeling goes up my spine and leaves an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach.

I walk out of the tent to find that everyone has gone quiet. The birds have gone still even the river seems to still.

“Wha-”

I put my finger to my lips and listen. There’s a distant sound, very faint but not hard to recognize. A wolf. Not a wolf approaching but a wolf howling. This isn’t coming from one of the neighborning camps, it’s not one of their signature howls that signal danger or safety. It’s an unknown howl, one full of sadness and longing.

I walk to the edge of the camp the call pulling me forward. I know better than to follow. People would panic if I just walked away.

There’s a few more seconds of silence before the howl comes again. This time it soars across the sky and find my ears. The beauty of the howl triggers something in this camp… familiarity. People change forms, lift their heads back and release a howl as one group. They howl to the wolf like it's one of the pack, not a stranger or anything to fear.

Tilting my head I hear my old camp howling along with this camp.

I look around hoping to get higher. I run through the woods and to the waterfall. I climb up and up until I’m at the very top. Turning into a wolf I stand at the edge facing the Skaikru camp and release a howl.

*******

(Clarke’s POV)

I stand by the Skaikru fence, my legs shaking and my mind confused.

“Take the cuffs off”, Abby motions to a guard.

He nods and walks over to me. I watch with confusion as he removes the cuffs, steps back and points his gun at me.

“Turn into a wolf”, Abby steps towards me. “We want to try something.”

I stare at her. Does she really think I’m able to do so? Especially in this state they forced my body into?

“Get on with it”, the guard glares at me.

I look away trying to focus on my wolf. I close my eyes searching through myself for my wolf.

I seem to drift through the forest, my feet not touching the ground once. My mind calls out to my wolf who is usually beside me and ready to fight. This time the wolf is gone, the only source of comfort gone and nowhere to be seen.

I only stop when I’m at the Trikru fence. On the ground lies a golden wolf, its chest slowly rises and painfully goes down. A spear is stabbed in its stomach, its blue eyes staring at something in the distance.

I look up to see a black wolf. It sits with its back to the golden wolf refusing to acknowledge it, allowing it to die and wither into the darkest of places.

My wolf grunts lifting its head to look at me.When it does I see vines around its muzzle signaling its been on the floor for quite some time.

_ What have I done? _

I know the answer to that question. I allowed something to weaken not only me but my wolf. The fire has burnt out in me.

I move over to it and fall to my knees. The wolf stares up at me.

"I'm so sorry", I hide my face in the soft fur. I stay like that for a few minutes before lifting my head.

The wolf lets out a painful growl.

"All we have is each other at the current moment… don't leave me to fend off the ghosts alone."

My eyes fly open. I’m shorter than I remember and everything seems more clear. I can hear a deer walk in the distance and a mouse scamper away. Not sure, I lift my foot to see a gold paw.

_ I did it. _

I look to my left to see Abby with her hand over her mouth. She seems amazed and disgusted at the same time.

I step towards her and she steps back. Everyone has taken a step back. The guard has done the same but his guard is still trained on me.

“Do you really think we’ll be able to pinpoint Lexa by Clarke howling?”, Octavia is the one to break the silence.

Abby nods regaining her composure. “I am 95% positive.”

“Now?”, the guard glances at Abby. She gives him a nod. “Howl.”

_ Howl? _

I keep my mouth shut.

“Howl!”

I step away from him. Why would they have me how? Does it benefit them?

With a sigh I test out my throat. A low growl leaves my mouth before raising. I snap at nothing testing if my jaw will cooperate with me today.

I lift my head and tilt it backwards. Sitting down I let out a howl. My voice gives out ending the howl in a tiny whimper. I try again but a tiny noise comes out disappearing into nothing.

“They probably can’t hear it”, Kane looks at his knife.

I look at him as anger rises through me. I’m mad because he’s right. With a growl I stand up and take a step forward. Lifting my head I let out a howl. My throat protests but I force the howl to go on. The birds fall silent and the wind seems to whisper its agreement.

When my voice gives out we’re met with silence. The silence is broken by a group of howls that start from a distance and get closer.

“It started farther than the Trikru camp is.”

“Wait, we’re listening for something powerful”, Kane looks at the sky.

There’s a minute of group howling before a loud howl cuts through them. It comes from the waterfall.

Kane yells a series of curse words. “She moved to a place we already searched… how did she know we were trying to find her?”

“She?”, I look at Abby. I turn into a human. “There’s people out of the fence?”

Abby shakes her head. “No, just mutants.”

I nod but a part of me knows she’s lying. I wish I knew how I know she’s lying. It’s a weird feeling… like I’ve meant the people out of the fence. fence. The medicine is messing with my brain.

_ But is it doing me any good to begin with? _

February 7th, 5059

********

(Lexa's POV)

"This better be good Woods", the queen sits across from me. Her fingers impatiently tap the table.

"I like to believe it is", I stay standing at the window. "I need your help."

The queen smiles. "Never thought I'd hear those words."

Ignoring the comment I tell her my plan.

"You really believe I would help those insects?"

"Yes if it benefits you in some magical way."

"So then I'm supposedly set on helping Skaikru", she visibly cringes at the name.

_ She acts as though she's been burnt. _

"Why should I help you?"

"Because I have something you want more than anything else."

"May I ask what that is?"

I lean back. "You know what it is."

The queen nods, "that you are right about… I'll only help if I get the crown once your little plan is done."

"Sure if the plan works."

"No, no matter what."

I don't respond.

"What's more important", the queen stands up and heads towards the flap of the tent. "Always ask yourself that before starting a war."

The flap slowly comes to a stop once she's gone.

_ What's more important? _

I'm not starting this week war for no reason… I'm starting it for somebody.

"Fine", I don't move out of the tent knowing the queen is by the flap waiting.

The queen doesn't bother walking in. "Lil blondie is more important huh?"

I nod, "yes".

_ If only I knew that a year ago. _

"Glad you found something worth fighting for", the queen turns to leave. "I'll tell my people to continue to hate the Skaikru."

I nod, my head now rests on my hands.

"Oh and they won't be in the forest driving away prey."

The queen is gone before I can say anything.

_ Great, I can have my people be spread out and make a fault in this plan or… or what? _


	22. Chapter 22

February 8th, 5059

"With Floukru on our side, Skaikru is screwed right?", Raven looks at me.

"Not entirely… they have the dead part of the forest where tiny mice roam but they know that's not enough to feed a whole clan", I make a face at the mashed potatoes on my plate. "If they were to venture further out they'd run into sand and be dead from dehydration."

"Question is will we be able to keep the animals away?"

"We'll be fine."

"One camp was attacked and killed several people, also injured a lot… our camp is still healing."

I nod.

"There's one other camp."

“Is there now?”, I look up from the mashed potatoes.

“Yes”, Luna looks as though she's walking on eggshells which at this point she is.

"No."

"Lexa… sooner or later we're gonna need them."

"I chose later."

“Le-”

I cut her off. “Luna, please… I am not in the mood to fight. I have way better things to do and I don’t think my brain can physically handle it right .”

Luna nods looking away. I see something going on in her head. She shakes her head and focuses on her food.

_ What is that idiot gonna do now? _

********

(Luna’s POV)

Moving carefully I unwrap my arms from Raven and move to the edge of the bed. Digging through the clothes on the floor I find a shirt. I pull on sweatpants and start putting on my shoes.

The silence is broken by a loud yawn. I immediately still and wait for Raven's breathing to slow down.

“Do you really think Lexa will be happy that you’re twiddling with the plan?”

I still at Raven’s voice.

_ How does she always know what I’m going to do? _

“You’re easy to predict… well if you pay attention you are.”

I keep quiet a part of me hoping Raven is actually asleep but I know that hope is pointless. Arms wrap around my waist from behind. Raven puts her head on my shoulder and takes a deep breath of my scent.

“I can’t sit back and watch it fall apart”, I put my hand over Raven’s. “Lexa finally has her fire back, I’m not gonna let it disappear so fast.”

“So you’re ready to face the consequences?”, Raven presses a kiss to the back of my neck.

“I’m always ready.”

“Guess I can’t stop you then”, she removes her arms. “Just be careful.”

“Of course, go back to sleep, I probably won’t be back until tomorrow sometime.”

Raven turns around slowly crawling to her spot. “What do I tell Lexa?”, she flops down on my side.

“You’ll come up with something.”

When I get a grunt as a response I assume Raven wants to sleep. Putting on my last shoe, I slip out of the tent.

_ Don’t kill me Lexa. _

February 9th, 5059

********

(Raven's POV)

“Where's your lover little bird?”, Old Man Mike smiles at me.

“Oh you know her, she’s everywhere these days”, I smile at Michelle who hands me a plate of food.

“Causing trouble I reckon.”

“You assume correctly”, I sit at the table Lexa is at.

She looks at me. “Alone?”

I nod.

_ Is it really that weird to see me without Luna? _

“Where’s she at this time?”

I shrug. “I’m not told everything.”

Lexa eyes me then looks at her cup. She mixes something in, her eyes following the spoon. “But this you were”, she looks me right in the eye managing to keep her head still.

I want to look away from the green eyes but they draw me in like a trap.

“Well?”

“She-”

“What’s going on here?”, Luna pushes her way between Lexa and me. Her body blocks the view of Lexa’s eyes and I can finally look at something else.

“Nothing much”, Lexa carelessly tosses the spoon on the table. “Just getting to know the bird better.”

“You remind me of Kaa", my eyes widen when I realize I booked my thought.

_ Well shit. _

“Who?”, Lexa leans over so she can see me.

“You know, the Jungle Book.”

"I've read plenty of books but that one hasn't shown up,'' Lexa looks at Luna who shrugs.

"Never heard of it.”

I smile at the fact they think it's some book. I guess the name could be misleading and the movie is told from a book.

“Can’t blame you”, I offer Luna some steak. “The people before the bombing used to watch it apparently. Someone said it was really popular or something.”

"Did you watch it?", Luna gladly takes the steak.

"I wasn't alive before the bombing and we didn't really watch movies up in space. All TV's were used for educational purposes but… did get a few glimpses."

"They would watch a thing about Kaa?”, Lexa seems confused.

“Well a thing with Kaa in it… the movie itself focused on someone else.”

Lexa nods. “Weird.”

Luna swallows the steak whole, her throat deforming in a disgusting way. She smiles like something is amusing, "isn’t Kaa some big snake?”

I see Lexas mouth moving but don't hear the words. I stare at Luna with disgust. I told her to chew before swallowing things whole.

_ She may as well be the snake. _

Luna nudges me motioning to Lexa.

“Is it?”, Lexa takes a sip of whatever she’s drinking.

I nod.

This causes Luna to break out laughing, “she called you a snake!”

“I’m aware”, Lexa glares at Luna.

“You’re some slimy scaly thing!”, Luna slams her hand on the table repeatedly.

“I get it!”

I decide to butt in. “In all honestly Luna, you remind me of the big orangutan. Louie I believe his name was.”

Lexa covers her mouth but her laugh breaks through. “I’d rather be a snake than some monkey.”

Luna is no longer laughing as she glares at Lexa. “It’s not  _ that _ funny.”

“Oh yes it is”, Lexa wipes the tears going down her face.

Luna’s glare goes to me. “Why you little”, she traps me in a headlock her knuckle rubbing against my head.

February 10th, 5059

"Lexa, I don't know how long this wall will hold", Luna draws circles on the map where we're currently weak.

"I know."

"Well… what do you wanna do?"

I shrug.

"Lexa."

"I'm thinking!", I pinch the bridge of my nose.

Luna studies the circles. She writes a few numbers before shaking her head. “That won’t work,” she mumbles.

I look around my eyes finding a corner in the tent. The blankets Clarke used to use are neatly folded in the corner.

Raven follows my gaze, she eyes the pillows seeming to come to a conclusion. She opens her mouth but I quickly say something.

"I need some air", standing up I leave the tent. I sit outside the tent with my knees to my chest and my head on my knees.

My eyes find the ground as I stare at something invisible on the dirt floor. I start thinking things over only for my brain to become clouded and my thoughts no longer clear. Closing my eyes I drift into sleep.

My dreams are full of Clarke, from her smile to her eyes. The crown she braided, her rosy red cheeks. Her giggle that would make your heart swell with unknown feelings. Her smile which seemed to light up the darkest rooms, the way she was able to make you feel like she was the only person in the room with you, and the fact that it never bugged me. The way she fearless and spoke her mind even when it was a dumb time for her opinion.

_ I miss her. _

I miss the quiet ways she would show comfort or the way she would know what you were feeling when others didn’t. Maybe her natural need for adventure and to discover an answer to all of life’s stupid mysteries.

I never felt that even when my sister would laugh as a toddler.

You’d assume I would love my sister but I have more hate for her than anything.

My dreams are quickly taken over by my sister. Her annoying toddler features. Her stubby legs chasing me around as she giggles. Me calling her names and telling her I hate her only to get the belt later. 

My dreams are over when I get the feeling someone is hovering around me. A growl leaves my mouth before I’m fully awake. I expect to see Luna but I don’t get this uneasy feeling when she’s near. In fact it more of calms me. I don’t react to Raven when she’s near while I sleep.

_ Then who is this? It can’t be village children. _

I look up to see a woman with black hair. She has a streak of brown hair and green eyes that make me feel like I’m staring at myself. Except her eyes are darker than mine.

Upon closer inspection I see the black hair isn’t her real hair color. The brown is. So she dyes her hair like Luna does. Why keep the streak then?

My heart drops when I realize why.

As I grew up, my sister started resembling me more than anyone else. My parents at one point couldn’t tell us apart so they dyed her hair black. My sister liking my brown hair, which was almost the same come as hers, said she wanted a streak so we would be somewhat connected. I told her if I had a choice she wouldn’t be my sister and we wouldn’t be connected by blood. It was my first time getting slapped by my dad. First time getting slapped ever.

My sister was four at the time, I was ten.

That slap was my breaking point and that’s when I ran during the fight for Heda.

I stare at the woman, the woman I only knew as an annoying toddler. A toddler who would copy everything I did, who would always get me in trouble, cry at the dumbest things, demand to sleep with me on stormy nights, hide under the covers on silent nights.

The woman crouches down, she hugs her knees like I’m doing. She rests her head on her knees and looks at me.

_ Still copying. _

With a huff I stand up.

The woman laughs and looks up at me. “You haven’t changed.”

I glare at her. “Neither have you.”

She laughs again. “I bet you wish I did.”

I nod not knowing how to respond in words.

“I’m glad you didn’t… the only sister I knew was the one who knew a million more cuss words than adults did. All at the age of ten”, she laughs again.

“You still laugh at the stupid things.”

“Oh Alex, what stupid things might those be?”

_ That nickname again. _

“The things that aren’t funny.”

“Are you talking about me laughing when dad would hit you?”

I nod.

Ana stands up. “I would laugh to stop the tears, still do that… bad habit I suppose”, she takes a step towards me.

I step back which brings a frown to her face.. “Why are you here?”

“Can I not see my sister after what… 16 years now?”

“Go back and leave me alone”, I turn to walk away.

“What did I do wrong to you?”

“Don’t.”

“I don't know what I did but I’m sorry… I’m sorry for getting you in trouble all the time and constantly following you around”, I hear her take another step forward. “I was just curious… I wanted nothing more than to be like my big sister… and I still do even though she hates my guts.”

“Go home Stasia.”

“Why can’t you be caring for once! See me as something better than some annoying toddler!"

I turn around, “because you fucked up my life!”

Stasia tilts her head.

“You took my parents! You got everything I was denied! I was left to my own imagination as you were pampered and allowed everything! I had to give up everything from my room to my happiness… you were a result of love while I was a result of alcohol. A walking reminder of our parents mistake.”

I only just realize how close I am to Anastasia. She looks up at me. There's no fear in her eyes, all they carry is the look of hurt.

“You’re blaming me for being born?”

_ I am. _

I turn away. “Forget it, go home to mom and dad. Go home to your waiting throne.”

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to screw your life up. I… I thought you were naturally grumpy. I didn’t realize you were that troubled.”

"You realized too late", I take a step forward.

"Don't go!", a pair of arms wrap around me from behind. This was the only way I’d allow Anastasia to hug me. It was always from behind that way I wouldn’t have to see her annoying toddler face. Of course I only let her hug me once or twice.

I realize Stasia is crying.

“I’m sorry”, she sobs into my shirt.

_ Guess I wait. _

As the minutes pass the feeling of annoyance gets stronger. 

"Let go would ya? You're making my shirt wet."

“Oh Alexandria, don’t be so cold to your little sister.”

That voice. I turn around not caring that Stasia is now hugging my front. A few feet away stands mom and dad. Mom smiles at me while dad gives me a dirty look.

“I can’t believe this is what has come of my daughter”, he shakes his head. “She’s nothing but a jealous old flea bag.”

Reaching behind me I peel Stasia’s arm from me. She tries to hold on but eventually has to let go.

“Leave”, I glare at the three of them. “I want nothing to do with you.”

“Oh Ale-”

“Shut up!”, I cut mom off.

Dad’s slap causes mom to scream his name, Stasia to gasp.

“Mike! I said no hitting!”, mom glares at her husband.

Dad ignores her and grabs the front of my shirt. “That is no way you speak to your mother!”, he shakes me like he did when I was a child.

Instead of avoiding eye contact I look him in the eyes. A smile creeps onto my face. “She’s not much of a mother is she?”

“Why you-”, he hands raises into a fist.

I spit in his face which causes him to let me go before he can hit me. Knowing he will try again I turn into a wolf and growl at him.

“I was gone for like an hour”, Luna walks out of the tent. “C’mon Lexa, don't growl at your family.”

Turning back to a human, I walk over to Luna.

“Now I’m gonna ask what Lexa didn’t. Why did you come here?”

“Can a family not see their daughter?”, mom eyes Luna.

“After 16 years? No, I don’t think they have a right at that point.”

“I… I just wanted to see my sister. Hope to make things right.”

“You have good intentions but I don’t think you can fix what you did", Luna looks at me. "Especially right now, Lexa walks are higher than usual and she had the intent of letting only one person in past the unnecessarily highwalls."

When Luna looks at Anastasia she seems to see the hope in her eyes.

"Which isn't you", Luna sighs.

"I never meant to do any of this", Stasia blinks at Luna.

"I know you did not intend to do the damage… that man however did and still is”, Luna eyes dad. “Him attacking right now tells me he had no intent to fix his relationship… he came for something.”

I look at dad. “True… you wouldn’t come here just to choke me. You don’t care that much.”

“This was pointless”, dad turns to mom. “I told you we would get nothing out of this visit.”

“Well we’re not gonna get anything out of it now! You just tried to punch her!”

“She disrespected you.”

“I can’t blame her”, mom looks at me. “Alexandria”, she takes a step forward. “Can we talk?”

“Start talking”, I cross my arms.

“Somewhere… private.”

“Whatever”, I walk to my tent. When I walk in I head straight to the kitchen and get a bottle of white wine. I lean against the counter and open it. I’m about to chug it when I notice the look from my family. “Want some?”

They all shake their heads.

“Your loss”, I take a long drink from it then wipe my mouth. “Start talking, as soon as the bottle is empty you’re leaving.”

Ana sits up. “Some… woman, the queen of Floukru, told us you were low on people.”

I take another long drink bringing the wine down to half a bottle.

“And we figured we could lend you some people so you can get this… woman from Skaikru.”

“I however don’t wanna waste my people on some kid”, dad mumbles under his breath.

I stop drinking and look at dad.

“My question is why go through all this trouble for a teenager? Does she know things you can’t risk? Didn’t kill her in time?”

“I never had the intent of killing her”, I glare at him.

“Torture?”

“She’s being tortured where she is right now.”

“Then why do you want her?”

I lift the wine glass to the candle chandelier. I swish the liquid around watching how the light is affected.

“Wait… don't tell me you like her.”

I look at him the wine no longer interesting.

Dad bursts out laughing. “You really like some sky bitch. I hear they’re only good for breeding, great fertility or something like that.”

Having enough I throw the bottle at the candle chandelier. It shakes before falling, the glass shattering everywhere.

“I don’t give a shit if you talk bad about me, choke me, try to kill me but you keep her out of your mouth”, I look him in the eye. Turning around I grab another wine bottle. “You’re such a hypocrite.”

“Why y-”

I hold up my hand causing him to stop talking. “Get mad when someone talks shit about mom but yet you talk shit about someone else’s hodnes.”

“I’m glad you found someone to love”, mom sits up. She eyes the shattered glass then looks around my tent. The living room is the only visible thing, I have a curtain blocking my bedroom. The tent is also bigger than my last one.

Ana stands up and moves over to a few roses on the counter. “A rose?”, she touches the petal. “May I ask why a rose?”

I look at the ground. “Why did you guys come?”

“We wanna lend people to help you, make sure your plan goes great.”

“But what do you get out of it?”

“When this… woman is rescued you come to our camp. Stay for a while and try to fix this relationship.”

“Why are you desperate now?”

Ana looks at me. “I’ve always been desperate for you to look at me with something that isn’t a scowl. Ever since I was born I had a natural desire to be near you.”

“So why now?”

Ana shrugs. “I was dating this guy, loved him. He was the best then he cheated on me. I went to our parents but found their comfort plain and old. I guess… I don’t know. Some reason that triggered me to find you.”

_ She wants my comfort. Sympathy. I guess I’ve never really hugged her or been nice to her. _

“So if you help me I have to visit your camp?”

“And be nice”, mom pushes into the conversation. “And maybe try to make a relationship with your sister.”

I look at Luna who is patiently listening. She gives me a shrug letting me decide.

“Fine”, I nod. “I’ll try to fix the relationship but I’m not doing it because I want a relationship. I’m doing it so I can get Clarke back.”

Ana looks at me. “Clarke, is that her name?”

I nod.

“It’s cute. Is she young?”

“Yes, in my opinion, but depends on how you describe young.”

“Like is she some little kid you’re protecting or a lover you want?”

“She’s the same age as you… maybe a year younger.”

“Aiming for a 19 year old?”

_ She is 19 now huh? _

“She just turned 18 when I met her. Stayed for seven days and managed to interest me in those seven days”, my heart sinks. Sighing I look at Ana. “I… I’m gonna be honest. I’ve never felt like this about someone before, I mean never. It scares me… really scares me but the fact that I may lose her scares me even more. Perhaps that’s why I’m willing to let everything go for one person who may be a stranger at this point.”

Ana nods. "Love does that."

I nod.

"Are you gonna love this girl forever?"

"I hope."

"Marry her?"

"Ana", I glare at her.

"Sorry, sorry. Just asking."

_ Why am I getting mad? _

"I can't speak about marriage, she's only 19 which is seven years younger than me."

Dad opens his mouth. "Seven years!"

Hearing his voice forces me to remember the current situation. I open the wine and take a drink. “You act surprised… did you not do the math in your head?”

Dad thinks his mouth in a tight line.

“Or maybe you forgot my age”, I smile and take another drink.

“You’re 28 ain’t ya? Someone here is.”

I shake my head. “No one is this tent is 28… Luna will be in a month or two.”

Dad sighs, “seven years Alexandria… seven years.”

"Yes, seven years", I look at him. "Problem?"

"Yes!", he stands up. "That's seven fucking years!"

"I'm aware of numbers", I take another sip.

"When she was seven you were 14, you could be a 14 year old hitting on a seven year old."

"Or a 21 year old hitting on a 14 year old, or a 28 year old hitting on a 21 year old. It’s all semantics in the end."

Dad sighs running his fingers through his hair. I wait for him to say something but he doesn't. "Alex-"

"Don't you Alex me", I glare at him. "I think you guys better get going."

Ana turns to Mom. "Do we have to?"

Mom nods. "I think your sister is tired."

"It's only like 1pm."

"We'll see her in like a month or two."

Ana nods. "Keep your promise", she smiles and leaves the tent.

With them gone I relax. I turn to Luna, "do snakes eat people?"

Luna smiles, "I don't think they do."

"Darn", I start chugging the wine.

March 8th, 5059

********

(Abby's POV)

"Abby", Kane leans against a desk. "We can't live like this."

"Like what?", I look down at Clarke. The machine makes a few beeps as oxygen is pushed into her.

I know she couldn't handle the test. I'll have to evaluate her brain when she wakes.

"The rationing", Kane sighs. 

"Are the pregnant and young kids full? Are they complaining about food?"

"No because they are being fed first, the old are slowly withering away."

"They were so close to death to begin with… this rationing is doing them good. Now they won't die overweight."

"You know how heartless that is? People need the elderly!"

"You're just mad because your mom died!"

Kane slams his hand on the desk. "Of course I am!”   
With a sigh I reach out and brush hair behind Clarke’s ear. "I'm trying… what do you want me to do?"

"I think you know."

I look at Kane.

"You asked", her puts his hands in the air and slowly backs out of the room.

I look back at Clarke. "You just had to run."

*****

"Now kind words, don't upset them and remember we need their help. Specifically Lexa's."

I shoot Kane a glare, "I'm well aware."

We walk towards the Trikru gate. I'm very surprised to see Lexa's tent is gone. 

_ So we were right to assume she moved camps. _

A guard walks over with a glare on his face.

"Let them be", Lexa walks up to the gate. She crosses her arms and removes a lollipop from her mouth with a loud "pop".

"Abby", Lexa taps her finger on her arms. "What brings you to bless me with your…", she thinks for a second. "Revolting presence."

_ This bitch. _

"Let's get to the chase, we all have things we want to do", I rub the side of my head.

Lexa nods, "true, true. I mean I do considering mine don't involve torturing a certain someone."

I open my mouth but Kane quickly cuts in.

"Why did you drive the animals away? What are you wishing to happen?"

Lexa shows a look of confusion, "what are you talking about?"

The next few minutes are full of Lexa playing dumb and Kane snapping at her.

"Just tell us", Kane steps towards Lexa.

I see the anger quickly fly into her face. "Fine, I want you to let Clarke leave if she wishes to do so."

"And if she wants to stay?"

"Then… obviously she can, but I want to watch you let Clarke choose. You do not say anything to her."

I cross my arms.

_ Let Clarke decide to stay or leave… I know which she is going to choose. I need at least another month before the medicine actually works but I doubt my people will be able to survive that long. _

“No”, I look Lexa in the eyes. “Clarke is staying whether you like it or not.”

“Then the animals aren’t coming back”, Lexa steps forward. “Whether you like it or not.”

Kane looks from Lexa to me. He knows I’m not going to give Clarke up so his mouth stays shut.

“I have things to do”, Lexa turns and walks away. “If you’re not off this property in five minutes I will give permission to my men to kill you. I will also provide a reward so they’ll be hungry for blood.”

I look at the many guards who are waiting by the gate.

“I’d start moving”, Lexa disappears behind a tent.

********

(Lexa's POV)

Walking into the tent I flop into a seat.

"Well?"

"What do you think?", I glance at Luna.

"They disagreed huh?", Raven nervously fiddles with her hair.

"As expected."

"Do… do you guys think she'll want to come to us?"

"I'm betting 95% that she will", Luna smiles at Raven.

"What if they kill her?"

Luna tenses at the question.

I feel something drop in my heart. "I didn't think about that", my eyes find the roof. "I doubt they would… I mean if they do they're not getting their animals back."

"So? They'll manufacture food like they did in space", Raven finally looks at me. "Clarke is as good as dead!"

"No she's not!", I look at Raven. "I refuse to think like that."

"So now we're going off hope?"

"I… yes. I have hope she'll be able to survive for a few more days but if they do kill her, I will March to that camp myself and torture Abby until she's nothing more than a scared kid. I will rip her limb by limb until all the pain consumed inside me has gone. Try to make her suffer for once!"

A smile appears on Raven's face. "There's the love."

"What?"

"I finally see love in your eyes, all the other times you've talked about Clarke you've had the sad look but now you have love."

Luna nods, "and your eyes are red showing protectiveness… it's like you finally have fire."

Shaking my head I look around. "Will someone get me some wine?"

March 9th, 5059

********

“Are you sure this isn't a trap?”, Luna eyes the trees around us.

“They know better than to set a trap for us, they think we’re the only ones in this forest but they don't know we have guards hidden in the trees.”

Luna nods.

“Climb, we aren’t supposed to let Clarke see us”, I turn to a tree. I climb up setting myself in a place where I can see the Skaikru opening but they can’t see me.

“When we get Clarke back you should teach her to climb trees. I bet she would enjoy that.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Abby walks into view with Clarke. The gate screeches open obviously confusing Clarke. She looks around confused before her eyes settle on a leaf on the ground.

“Clarke, you have a choice,'' Abby takes the cuffs off Clarke. “You can leave or stay.”

Luna leans over on her branch. She’s positioned a branch above mine. Her hands rests on my branch while her feet stay on her branch. “What’s wrong with Clarke?”

I ignore Luna not being able to answer.

“I mean… I expected Clarke to be a little drugged up, I guess, and the fact she looks a little roughed up is no surprise.”

My eyes find the bags under Clarke’s eyes, the visible jaw bone and the fact you can tell the shirt is too big for her but it’s her size shirt which tells me she is underfed. But her general attitude is what’s weird.

Clarke will say a word every few seconds, nothing important. The words have been “leaf”, “tree”, “hungry”, and “Lexa” but when she says my name she hits her head against her hand and starts mumbling too quietly for me to catch.

“I wish we got her out sooner”, Luna moves back to her branch. 

“I…”, Clarek’s hand twitches. She blinks rather hard. “I wish to leave.”

I hear a few sighs of relief among the trees. I figure my people are relieved.

There’s a bloody war cry as Indra runs out from behind a building. Her hand is up in the air where she clutches a knife. Knowing Indra I assume she has many hidden knives

I’m already a wolf when my feet hit the ground. Not caring about the pain in my legs, I run towards the camp. When I reach the gate I turn into a human, take a sharp right and bring Clarke to the ground.

I have to bite my tongue to stop the scream as a spear digs into my shoulder.

_ Fuck it hurts. _

Clarke looks up at me. She squints her eyes at me.

I don’t have time to study her as my hair is grabbed. Instinctively I grab the hand of the person holding my hair. I’m yanked off Clarke and tossed into the dirt.

“Can nothing ever be easy in my life?”, I wipe the corner of my mouth. “Guess we’re gonna have to do this the hard way”, I take my time to stretch as Indra takes her time walking over to Clarke. She raises her spear to stab Clarke.

Just as the spear is going down I turn into a wolf and run over to them. Grabbing the spear in my mouth I yank it from Indra. I stand protectively over Clarke the spear still in my mouth. Without much effort I bite the spear in two.

A giggle comes from Clarke confusing both Indra and me.

A finger runs down my stomach then another giggles follows. “Pink.”

_ She’s like a child. _

I look at Luna.

Luna shrugs confused as much as Indra and me.

My vision flashes black. I feel dirt filling my mouth as I slide across the ground.

_ Dirt really does taste bad… poor Clarke. _

Shaking my head I stand back up only to be kicked in the stomach. I land on my good side but Indra puts her foot on my shoulder and presses down.

I growl in an attempt to scare her away. The growl slowly turns into a whimper which turns into a painful howl as Indra puts more pressure. I try to stay in wolf form as my mind becomes a mess. The painful howl turns into a human scream.

I hear a few gasps come from the forest.

_ Way to set history Alexandria. First person to be so weak they were forced into human form. _

Indra takes her foot off my shoulder and puts it on the middle of my back. She grabs my hair lifting my head.

“Is this your Heda!”

Silence.

“A weak woman! So weak she can’t defeat me”, Indra slams my head into the dirt. She holds it there. “Now she gets to watch as her mate is killed.”

A guard takes Indra’s place. I watch with wide eyes as Indra walks over to Clarke. Clarke is now standing confused and stressed.

Indra moves behind Clarke and holds a knife to her throat. Clarke lets out a whimper her eyes on me. Staring into the once blue eyes, I see desperation. A silent plea for help.

"Clarke", using my good arm I reach out to her.

Clarke lets out a strained whimper, her hand reaching out to me.

Allowing my hand to fall, I slowly fist my hand grabbing dirt as I do.

Indra smirks at me. She puts a finger on Clarke’s neck and slowly moves down her body.

“Don’t”, I push up only for my head to pressed back into the dirt. I growl at Indra as her hand goes lower.

“Yu gonplei ste odon.”

A growl rumbles in the back of my throat slowly moving up. “Don’t touch her!”, twisting my head I bite the guards arm. He steps back giving me the opportunity to kick him in the stomach. I don't watch him fall to the ground. I’m running to Indra as a wolf, my eyes set straight on her.

Indra throws her knife. I take a left dodging the knife. I run out of Indra’s view causing her to look around for me.

I run at her with the intent to tackle her but she steps out of the way. Skidding along the dirt I try to find my footing on hopes to follow Indra and block whatever she has in store. I slide right into a pile of boxes which land on me. 

Indra laughs. “Come get me Heda.”

Running out of the crates I grab Clarke by the shirt and drag her into the forest. I disappear into a bush leaving Clarke in the middle.

Indra runs to Clarke hoping to stab her but with the help of another person Luna manages to lift Clarke into a tree.

Indra lets out an angry scream demanding I come out.

I walk in a circle allowing her to get a glimpse of me only for me to disappear into the bushes again. I do this until she uses up all her throwing knives. I speed up to a jog so I’m jogging in circles around her.

“Run”, I whisper on the right side of her. “Run and never come back”, this time my words appear at her left obviously confusing her.

“I don’t run from my problems!”

“That’s your fault!”, I leap out in front of her. My teeth meet their goal, her neck. I hold her to the ground keeping a firm grip on her neck. Blood spills around my teeth as Indra gasps. I release her and lean forward. “Should’ve listened”, I whisper in her ear smiling at the visible chill that runs up her body. Without a second thought I sink my teeth into her neck and bite down until my teeth meet one another.

Indra lies still on the ground, blood spilling out from her neck and spreading across the forest floor. The forest is dead silent, no one saying anything. I spit out whatever chunks of Indra I have in my mouth.

A twig snaps behind me. I turn around and growl showing my now red teeth.

Luna pulls Clarke back.

Clarke stares at me. She takes in whatever just happened.

I step towards her and Luna pulls her further back. I look at Luna who looks hurt. I figure she’s remembering a year ago when I abandoned Clarke.

Clarke is the first to break the silence when she starts mumbling. I catch the word “toes”. With a groan Clarke shakes her head. “Head”, a pause, “ache. Lie down”, she looks around. “Lie down, lie down, lie down… down. Down. Down.”

“You can lie down when we get back to camp”, Luna whispers to Clarke. "I promise."

I turn into a human and walk past them. Clarke reaches out grabbing my wrist. My body tenses but I don't remove my wrist from her grip.

Clarke looks at me, "hurt?". She points at my shoulder tears forming in her eyes. "Hurt."

_ Does she blame herself? Maybe she isn't a complete… no, she was never that. _

"I'm fine", I look at Clarke.

She nods, letting go of my and turns to Luna. "Lie down, lie down."

I leave Luna to handle Clarke and her craziness.

Walking into the Skaikru camp I turn to Abby. “You’d rather have your daughter killed than let he be free!”

Abby looks away ashamed. "I did what I had to", she whispers to the ground.

"What you had to do! No one forced you to do anything! Your greed d-"

“Lexa.”

I turn to Luna who motions to Clarke. Clarke is staring at me taking in every word. I finally get to study what damage giving her up really did. Her eyes have this shakiness even when she's standing still or zoning out. They don't stop shaking. Her bottom lip trembles and every few seconds she’ll jump like someone scared her. She’ll look at Luna like she forgot she was there.

Clarke mumbles something about flowers which brings a smile to her face like she’s realized something. The smile doesn't last long, a growl making it disappear. Clarke puts her head in her hands and repeats “not real” over and over again.

“You rescued a mad woman”, the queen emerges from the forest.

“She’s not mad… just confused”, I turn to the queen. “You owe me a lot more than I have asked for so I ask of you, please let this woman”, I point to Abby. “Die a horrible death.”

Abby’s eyes widen.

“Gladly”, the queen smiles at Abby. “Oh we’re gonna have fun together.”

Through the corner of my eyes I see Clarke staring at me. She blinks a few times then looks at Abby. I watch her mouth the words I just said then it hits her just as Floukru surround Abby.

“No!”, Clarke fights against Luna’s arms. “No! Stop!”

Clarke escapes from Luna’s arms running to her mom and the mob that is now beating her but not to death.

Clarek runs past me but I quickly grab onto her. I pull on her arm causing her to stumble back allowing me to wrap my arms around her waist.

“No!”, Clarke starts kicking to get free.

I lift her up so she’s kicking the air. “Clarke, you can’t do anything.”

“No! Stop!”, her kicking slowly stops. “Stop”, she goes still sagging in my arms. A sob escapes her mouth. She turns away from the mob hiding her face in my neck as the tears take over.


	23. Chapter 23

Luna walks over to us, gently guiding Clarke into her arms. She glares at me the hurt still in her eyes.

I shake my head at Luna wanting her to save the speech for later. I do however whisper, “get Clarke into the forest, we don't know if she’ll try to save her mom. She might die in the process if she does try to save her mom.”

Luna nods. She gently coaxes Clarke to start walking.

When they’re a distance from me I start following. I give the new Heda a nod as I walk past her. She grabs my arm stopping me in my tracks.

“Treat her properly this time”, she looks me in the eyes. “She’s a cutie, I may take her as my own”, her tongue swipes over her bottom lip.

Knowing she’s teasing me I smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll do everything correctly this time.”

The queen lets me go shaking her head. “You never learn do you?”

I don’t respond. I don't quite understand what she means.

_ What is their to learn? _

With the weight of Heda off my shoulders, I understand a lot more than before.

“You can’t do love correctly. You’re already doing it right if you’re trying to do it correctly.”

“How do I know if I’m doing it correctly?”

The queen laughs. “You don’t… in the end it’s a feeling. A feeling that you’re doing it right.”

I look away. My eyes find Luna who is holding Clarke as they wait for me to follow them.

“I’m scared… I’ve never been in love before.”

“Something tells me the blonde hasn’t either, you guys can figure it out together. Bond as you do”, Heda smacks my back. “Now go, the blonde is gonna fall asleep any moment.”

“Good luck, ruling 12 clans isn’t easy.”

Heda nods.

I quickly move into the forest feeling comfortable knowing I have some sort of cover now.

“Where do we take her?”, Luna looks at me.

“Nico, straight to Nico.”

*****

With a stick I draw random doodles in the dirt. It's just circles and swirls since I can't draw… maybe the fact I can't write supports the reason I can't draw.

The doodles remind me of Clarke's magical way of drawing. All she would need is a glimpse of something then she could draw in crazy detail. She definitely had things she preferred to draw. Once she mastered that she would move onto something challenging. Challenging to the point of anger.

Time, for the first time, passes too slow. A second seems years as I wait. Doodling at one point gets boring and brings back too much so I drop the stick. Time passes slower without anything to do.

_ Funny how that works. Goes fast when having fun, slows when you want it to go fast. _

Luna refused to let me go into Nico’s tent with Clarke. I don’t know why a part of me expected her to forgive me when I saved Clarke. I mean I knew she wouldn’t but I really want to be near Clarke for some reason. I wonder how long it will be until I get to see Clarke again.

Hours? Days? Weeks? Months? Years? Decades? Centuries?

I cover my ears hoping this will keep the thoughts out and my mind will go blank. This of course traps the thoughts in my head, the thoughts that separate into more thoughts. At this point they’re some parasite. A disease.

_ Did they have cures for this way back when? Before the bombing? _

Luna walks out of the tent. She looks at the sky, takes a deep breath and angrily kicks a rock.

"That bad?", I allow my hands to drop and look at them. I twirl my thumbs around one another giving myself something to look at that isn't Luna.

All though I'm not looking at her, I know she's glaring at me. “You don’t deserve her.”

I nod, “I know.”

“Yet you act like you do.”

“I don’t act like I do, nor do I assume I do or that I’m obligated to have her”, I bring my feet onto the bench. I wrap my arms around them and sigh. “Just like every person in love, they want the thing they love. They want the person to notice them and love them back and in the end, hopefully in the end you got a life with them.”

Luna crosses her arms like this isn’t enough of an explanation.

I stop hugging my knees and look at my hands. Again. “It’s like… it’s like you know that one person will bring back color, the color that seemed to drain from life at one point in your life. And when that person does you’re so happy. Happy that you found someone to bring back life”, I cup my hands, my fingers touching the tips of each other making it look like the bars of a cell. “Then you get scared. You worry that thing will be taken so you eventually treat it like some locked up bird, make it feel like a locked up bird. You think it’s love but it’s desperation but what do you care?”, I look at Luna. “You got the thing that brings color to your life so as long as you have color you can paint a picture. You can cover the truth with wonderful colors.”

Luna sits by me. “You weren't afraid of love were you?”

I hug my knees again.

“You were afraid of what it would become. You know what it will become and don't want that for Clarke.”

I nod. I hide my face in my knees. “Is love supposed to feel like this? Make you do things that are crazy and weird?”

Luna laughs. “I’ve never wanted to lock Raven up… outside of kinky thoughts.”

I peek at Luna.

“I don’t know how to answer that. I’ve only felt one love before and that’s with Raven… usually I’m asking you questions that you always have the answer for”, Luna slings her arm over my shoulder. “So naive and young”, she squeezes my shoulders. “Bathe in the youngness of yourself, appreciate it before it’s over.”

I push her arm off my shoulder. “You’re older by a year!”, I hide my face again. “And most assume I’m older by a year or two.”

Luna laughs. “Glad we could have these minutes together but we have to face reality. The dragon doesn’t sleep forever.”

I nod.

“Raven says Clarke is to stay with us since she doesn't trust you with Clarke.”

I nod again. “I figured.”

“Don't take it personally.”

“How can I not take it personally when even you don’t trust me with her?”

Luna shrugs.

“Do… do you think Clarke will be ok? Or did I fuck her past ok?”

Luna doesn't respond. She looks at the sky then in the direction of the Skaikru camp. With a heavy sigh, she says, “will that girl ever be ok again?”

Luna looks at me. “Would you be ok when you fail to find words that used to be easy, or when everything is one big puzzle and all the pieces you have to work with are from a million different puzzles. None belonging to the correct puzzle.”

I look at the ground.

Luna stands up. “Clarke has to stay in the tent for a day so Nico can make sure she’s ok and a little stable.”

Just like that she’s gone.

I cover my ears taking a deep breath.

_ What have I done? _

March 10th, 5059

Closing my eyes I sink into the tub, the water surrounding me and pulling me under. All noise is blocked out and I’m finally left to myself. Left to my thoughts and everything else that comes in the bundle.

_ Even though I'm no longer Heda, I still have a million problems on my shoulders. _

One village guy wants something but that risks another village guys company. Then a mother wants to change school and training times so they match but another mom says no.

_ Ridiculous problems but they're all problems people go to me for. _

My thoughts are disturbed when I see a finger moving around in the water. I sit up, the water rushing off my head.

Clarke is on her knees by the tub, her finger moving around in the water. She repeats “bubbles, bubbles” over and over again.

I spot Luna leaning against the counter.

“What the hell?”

“She demanded to see you, said something about you being hurt.”

“Seems more interested in bubbles than me.”

Luna points to her head and puts a finger to her lips. She mouths, “mentally ill”.

So they diagnosed Clarke. Anyone could've guessed she was mentally ill. But if you didn't know her before this whole Skaikru shit then you'd probably assume she's been like this her whole life.

Clarke stares at the bubbles a look of concern crossing her face. “Hurt?”, she looks at me.

I shake my head. “I’m ok.”

Clarke reaches out.

I tense up, sitting straighter watching carefully..

Luna seems to notice this but she stays where she is, watching carefully.

I watch Clarke’s hand. I catch every slight twitch, all my surroundings forgotten. I’ve never had or let anyone actually touch me in places that aren’t my arms, hands, legs, or face. A few times Costia would touch my stomach when she assumed I was sleeping, normally I would roll onto my stomach when she did that.

Even during sex I usually have the persons hands tied up in some way. But for whatever reason I don’t stop Clarke.

Her finger lightly touches my shoulder. She traces the wound then glares at me. With a painful jab she says, “hurt”.

Grinding my teeth I manage, “it doesn’t hurt.”

“Hurt.”

“Just admit you’re hurt, she knows you're hurt, you know you’re hurt. Stop lying”, Luna smiles at me.

“Ok, ok, it hurts.”

Clarke eyes me before standing up. She opens her mouth only to make a weird noise. I know she’s struggling for the word. Clarke taps the side of her head and leaves the room mumbling about blood.

“Nico wanted us to take Clarke and find out more about what Abby did to Clarke”, Luna grabs the towel on the counter.

My hand distantly reaches up stroking my wound. It doesn't hurt even though I got it a few days ago. Nico said that people with my blood tend to heal faster than most do.

"Hey, gazing later", Luna shakes out the towel holding it open for me.

"Sorry", I get out of the tub and walk into the towel. I allow her to start patting me dry.

"Trust me enough?"

I nod my mind still on Clarke's touch. Even though she jabbed me it was still soft and lined with gentleness. Even in her state right now she could still be delicate enough to braid a flower crown and have all petals stay on.

Luna sits on the counter now drying my hair. "Maids brought clothes."

"Why do we have to find out more exactly?"

"Ah yes, forgot I was telling you that", she wraps my hair in the towel and tests it to make sure it'll stay still. “He says this may help Clarke. The fact that we may understand her more and maybe… maybe it’ll help you stop looking at her like she’s some alien.”

“I look at her like that?”

“You say you love her yet you look at her like she’s a stranger.”

*****

"Alright", I pull on a jacket. "We ready?"

Luna nods, she checks Clarke over again occasionally buttoning something up again and telling Clarke to leave it or retying the shoelaces because for whatever reason, Clarke hates shoe laces.

"You sure we don't need guards?"

I nod. "Patrol said Floukru has taken over the camp."

Luna absently looks in the direction of the Skaikru camp. "I can't believe we're going back… willingly."

"It's for Clarke", I start walking. "If it helps Clarke then who are we to complain?"

Luna gently starts guiding Clarke until she's walking between the two of us. "Who are you to complain."

I nod, "who am I to complain?"

_ I got her in this mess, guess the duty of getting her out falls on me. As long as she's safe then whatever. _

I find Clarke jumping at everything thing in the forest. Is she afraid of a rabbit now?

Due to this I throw rocks ahead and around us scaring away all the prey we have in this forest. Most of Skaikru's prey stayed in our first for some reason but we gave Floukru permission to hunt on Tuesdays and Fridays in this forest for three hours max.

Aside from the Clarke being scared of everything problem, real problems begin to surface. A few times Clarke will recognize the area and freak out. As she freaks out she refuses to move so more than eight times we've had to reroute to a place she doesn't recognize. Of course rerouting makes everything longer!

But after our latest reroute, the refusing to move has stopped. But when one problem is solved, another comes. It's like there's a long line of problems each problem waiting for the opportunity to fuck up my life.

Our current problem is her saying something, that Luna and I realized is traitor.

We both know who this is targeted at. I can't blame her though. The first time I was visibly affected but after the fifth, maybe seventh, time I just ignored it. Me ignoring it means Luna has to reassure Clarke.

Luna does this by distracting the blonde but at the current moment Clarke has realized Luna's game and is refusing to play.

_ Smart kid, I think. _

I lean against a tree my eyes looking up at the sky. We've been walking for a good three hours when this trip usually takes an hour, maybe 30 minutes if you're smart.

"We're losing light, I don't favor the idea of camping at the Skaikru's camp."

"Oh I'm sorry", Luna glares at me. "Why don't you come and help your girlfriend relax!"

"Not my girlfriend", I push away from the tree.

"Oh stop, she is and you know it. Maybe you're denying it because she's mentally ill, unstable and you probably see that as embarrassing."

"She's not-", I pinch my nose. "Do you want my help or not?"

"You should help her no matter what I say!", Luna looks at the ground. "She's like this because of you."

"I didn't intend for her to go into Fifty Shades of Fucked Up."

"What did you expect to happen? They would welcome her with smiles and beer. Have a Holly jolly time like she didn't run away to the fucking enemy!"

"Yes! Yes, I expected her own mom to treat her nicely. I know it's naive and stupid and… and just", I fail at words. "Ugh! I don't know!"

"Your own mother doesn't treat you nicely, I would expect you if all people to judge someone's character at least once or twice."

Not in the mood to tell I just nod and walk over to Clarke. She's crouching on the floor clutching her head as she mumbles something about needles and no thoughts.

I crouch down in front of her figuring getting on her level will help.

_ Here goes nothing. _

"Clarke" I lean forward. "Clarke, love, I need you to look at me."

Clarke whimpers holding her head tighter.

"Clarke-" I break off when she curls up more, whimpering louder this time.

Looking around I question if the forest itself is causing her to breakdown. It would make sense. She probably remembers hanging by her foot looking into the eyes of the traitor that is responsible for her being like this or she remembers the spear. The spear that delivered her to this mental state.

I reach out, my fingertips lightly brushing Clarke's cheek. She flinches but doesn't make a drastic attempt to get away.

Slowly I bring one hand to cover Clarke's ear then bring my other hand to her ear.

With the sounds of the forest no longer available Clarke starts relaxing. She visibly relaxes her muscles then looks up from the ground.

I look at Luna who seems to notice it too. Clarke is forcing herself not to look at me.

I manage to get a glimpse of Clarke's eyes, they aren't shaking.

_ Is she back? _

Nico said there's little rare moments when Clarke's head is clear and she acts like her usual self. He talked to her during those times and she couldn't say anything, not even mumble.

The shaking is back when I get another glimpse of her eyes. Sighing I warn Clarke I'm removing my hands.

Clarke nods and I take my hands off her head.

The rest of the walk is calm and nothing happens. For whatever reason Clarke feels the need to walk closer to me. She's a little too close since every now and then I'll stumble over her foot.

Of course I don't scold her or tell her to move away. That's the dumbest thing I could do. I'll give angry glances towards Luna who is smirking at us.

I'm thankful when we arrive that the camp, Luna instinctively pulls Clarke to her. Clarke makes a few attempts to get back to me but Luna distracts her with a leaf.

I take in the scene before me. The camp is flooded with Floukru guards. They stand at every house and every exit. People peek through their houses, all too scared to leave their own house.

Although I have a personal hate for this camp I do miss the life it would hold. The kids laughing and running around and how friendly and close everyone was. The fact they knew each other's names like they've spent their whole life together was a little warming.

_ Don't sympathize for the enemy Alexandria. _

"Shall we go?", I glance at Luna.

We're lead to a building where Abby is being held. It's had a weird octagon like shape and dead flowers outline it. These flowers have guards around them. With gloves they'll cut the flower and put it in a basket.

Eyeing the flowers closer I realize there poison flowers. People only grow them when they're planning on using the poison. You can't do anything with the juice from one flower but a bunch of flowers can't do deadly damage.

_ Kill Abby with flowers? Why flowers? _

I make a mental note to ask Heda sometime.

When we walk in it's easy to see this is her science lab.

_ Lock her in the thing she worships most… weird but effective. _

Abby turns around in a chair the shock is obvious on her face then a smile appears. "Already annoyed?"

I glare at her forcing my mouth shut. I glance at Luna is standing by the door, Clarke leaning heavily against her.

I come to the conclusion that all dangerous things have been removed. For whose safety though?

"What do you guys want?", Abby's eyes don't leave Clarke who is now carelessly taking slow steps through the lab. The blonde gets bored too fast.

She doesn't feel the need to touch everything which is good but she'll stop to touch some certain things, then she'll mumble about it and move on.

Clarke stops in her tracks and looks at a cage full of mice. She reaches in and takes one out. Looking me straight in the eyes, a smirk on her face she opens her mouth with the intent to eat the mouse.

"Clarke", I growl at her. "No, drop it and leave it alone."

She motions to the mouse confusion on her face.

"We don't eat live things… well we do but not lab rats."

With an angry grunt she puts the mouse down and continues her little trip. I notice this place seems to disorient her which is better than some freakout.

I turn to Abby who is still watching Clarke. "You know why we're here", I start moving slowly through the lab when Clarke gets closer to Abby. "I want to know exactly what you've done to Clarke… why her eyes are shaky and her lip trembles."

Laughing Abby says, "I've done a years worth of stuff to her."

I glare at Abby then notice just how close Clarke has gotten to her. I reach behind me and grab a test tube. "Clarke."

Clarke immediately stops walking. She drops the toad she was holding and looks at me. Her eyes scan over me then she slowly makes her way towards me. When she's by me I hold out the test tube which she gladly takes. It's a simple thing but she seems confused by it.

_ That should distract her, hopefully. _

Abby clears her throat catching my attention again. "Think of her as a mental person. There are many types but Clarke is the type that is slow to render her thoughts and isn't exactly in the world", she starts tapping her nails on the desk. "She sees it, hears it, knows it's there and real but at the same time she thinks it's a fake. That's why she tends to mumble."

I notice the glee in Abby's eyes. She must think this is like sharing an epic project with another scientist. She's really proud of what she did to Clarke.

_ Sickening. _

"What exactly does she mumble?", Luna glances at me. She's just as curious as me.

"Do you idiots not listen?"

"We're not really in the mood for name calling", I growl at her.

Abby leans forward, "her surroundings. She mumbles about her surroundings."

Both Luna and I wait for her to continue.

"She starts with the most obvious things like birds, sky, trees, maybe a window or two then goes into more detail. Like the bird is blue and the sky is blue with white clouds or the trees are green and the window is clean", her hand run through her hair like telling us this is no longer interesting. "Then if something hasn't gotten her eyes at this point she'll look at people. In this camp she recognizes everyone, so she knows names and she'll say a group of names and alphabetize them."

I look at Clarke. Anything to keep sane I guess.

"But in your camp I rewired her brain so every face is a trigger. Like a woman may trigger some forgotten memory or horrible thought. But Lexa may trigger a breakdown, you may trigger screaming."

Not having the words to respond I watch Clarke. She holds my hand so my palm is up and visible. She uses her finger to draw invisible circles.

"Will Clarke always be like this?"

"Why? Don't want her like this?"

"No, no I do not."

"Figured you would love her no matter what. You guys are still dating right? I mean I doubt there was kissing and making love when you were reunited but you still love her."

I don't respond, my eyes now on Abby.

"Right?"

I hear desperation in that question. Like she's afraid no one will love Clarke.

"Yes, I still love your daughter and probably won't stop anytime soon. Now, will she always be slow to realize things and the talking, will it be hard for her?" 

"Nah, it'll eventually wear off. You will know when… it'll be obvious. My guess is she'll be confused. She may remember a few things that happened while she was… you know, ill. Oh and yelling is the last thing you want to do."

"Guessing you yelled at her a lot."

Abby shrugs. She spins her chair and starts working again.

We leave the science lab, my hand holding Clarke's. 

"Luna", I let go of Clarke's hand. "Watch Clarke, I have to speak to the Heda."

Luna nods.

"And stay away from those flowers."

Clarke looks up at me. "Come back?"

I nod. "Yeah, I'll be back in no time."

I can feel the blondes eyes on me as I walk away. I know where the Heda is, the number of guards reveal it.

As soon as I walk in, her voice echoes through the room.

"Fancy seeing you here."

I look at her. She sits behind a desk, her feet on the desk. A few papers fall off but I'm guessing they are of no importance anyways.

"Where's the cutie?"

"With Luna."

"Why not bring her to see me? Worried I'm gonna take her?", Heda smirks at me.

"Nah, worried you're gonna say something that triggers a memory."

"Well she isn't."

The curtains are pushed back and Clarke stumbles in.

_ Where's Luna? _

A hand reaches behind the curtain waving at me before disappearing. These two, what am I gonna do with them?

Clarke walks over to me and grabs my hand. Leaning her whole weight against me, she hides her face in my neck.

"She loves ya Woods."

I shrug. 

_ It's more of a want to be near me. _

"I have one question."

Heda nods.

"Why kill Abby with flowers? I know you have more gruesome ways."

"I want you to think about that. Why would I bother killing Abby with flowers? Oh what importance does I hold enough to connect three people? I wonder."

Three people? What three people?

Clarke lifts her head, "meadow", she looks at me. "Meadow."

"Ding, ding, ding", Heda smiles. "You and Clarke went to the meadow and surprisingly didn't make love but I bet a lot of important stuff happened", she winks at us. "You hold onto that memory, that is the only memory Clarke here is certain of. Abby knows of that memory and let Clarke keep it so she could torment her. By letting Clarke keep the memory she was mocking her. Letting her know happiness is long out of her reach."

_ And now she has to die with them. _

"So I figured, why not use something so pretty… something she took for granted, to kill her. Only pretty things belong in that meadow, the meadow Abby tried so hard to burn."

March 11th, 5059

********

(Clarke's POV)

"I'd say you're good to go", Nico pats my back.

I growl at him making him stop immediately. I stay on the table swinging my feet and try to get at least one clear thought. Anything would do.

Ok, ok let's start with this. Where do I wish to go?

That simple question holds a million answers and my head starts swirling. Bringing my hands to my head I take deep breaths. Think, think. Go somewhere comforting, somewhere you can hide and not feel like a million eyes are on you.

_ Lexa. _

I'm already leaving the tent when I realize what I'm doing. I don't stop though, I keep walking.

"Clarke", Raven steps in my way.

Taking a step back I look at Lexa's tent. My eyes find Raven again. She hasn't changed too much. Still looks younger than me. I'm aware she's speaking words but is she? She has to be her mouth is moving so I'm betting sound is coming out… why can't I hear it?

I do catch a few things. "... You'll be staying with me…" then she drives into more explaining that my brain deems useless so it all sounds like gibberish. I hear her say she doesn't trust Lexa. All of Raven's talking has my head spinning so I just nod like I understand when in reality she just dug me deeper into the hole I'm trying to escape.

Luna pops out of nowhere. I understand her words since she speaks clearly and doesn't have a million things to say at once. "Lexa… she betrayed you."

I look at her my head tilted. I mean I know she was a traitor but I've come to the conclusion it was rewiring of my brain that my mom did.

Luna dives into deep detail about Lexa's betrayal. In the end I realize that what she said was that Lexa is the reason I was tortured for a year, how I got in mom's arms and that I'm like this because of her.

"No", I shake my head. "You… you're lying."

Luna doesn't answer.

I keep shaking my head as though this will change the truth. "No… no", I nod. She couldn't have. "No?"

Then again she could've she didn't try to help me. My heart drops. She turned me in.

I feel myself go still at the truth that I was trying so hard to forget, deny. I knew this was true like a year ago.

I stare absently at Lexa's tent. I was going to the person who turned me in. Taking a step back I fall onto my butt.

I trusted her. Trusted her more than anyone else… I figured she loved me. With the whole meadow incident, for the first time I was willing to bring children into this war driven world with her.

Bringing my knees to my chest I clutch my head. I start rocking back and forth.

"No", I whisper. "No, no, no, no."

I can feel myself slipping into the deep hole. The top is inches away, my hand helplessly reaching up. The tip of sunlight brushing along my fingers, warming them. Maybe I can leave the cold pace I've been tossed down years ago, maybe just maybe I can think clearly and not feel trapped inside my own body.

Then my foot slips.

My body helplessly falling deeper and deeper, a scream erupting from me causing my throat to start protesting against the abuse.

When I pull my hands from my head I'm not surprised to be met with a painful headache and sore throat that proves I was screaming.

I can hear Nico asking what's wrong and Raven begging me to say something. With shaking hands, I cover my ears another scream bursting to the surface. The tears now freely flying down my face. What angers me is the fact I want Lexa, I want her to hold me and whisper something soothing, relaxing.

Through blurry vision I can see Lexas shoes, they flash into view only to disappear again. I bring my head up and see her being restrained by Nico and some guy that I'm guessing is the blacksmith.

Lexa screams something, she kicks the air fighting to get away from them. Her tear stained eyes become more watery until a tear rolls down her face.

There's shock among many people when Luna slaps Lexa. Luna yells at her for something. Whatever it was it causes Lexa to go still. Luna says something to Raven and I'm being dragged away. Away from Lexa and the tent. Deeper into the hole I'm becoming too familiar with.

*****

It's been a few hours since the whole screaming thing. I'm supposed to be helping Raven with the children she works with but I'm aimlessly walking around. She doesn't order me around probably figuring I'm into my mentally ill state again. For whatever reason my thoughts are more clear than they've ever been. Realizing the truth does that I guess.

A kid asks me about Skaikru and I'm about to answer when I close my mouth. I tell them to hold that thought and walk away. I know there's a fence not far up this hill that is concealed by trees. Maybe that's why Raven is letting me leave.

I walk deeper stopping when I run into Lexa. She's leaning against a tree and seems just as surprised as I am.

I don't say anything as I walk closer. Squinting at her I see a red handprint. I look away feeling guilty.

_ I gotta get her to come towards me. _

In my sane state it's easy to go back to insane. I know if I were to do that, I risk not being able to come back for a good day or two but even insane me has questions. My vision flashes black then I'm mumbling to myself clenching my head.

Lexa pushes away from the tree moving towards me.

Crouching down I clutch my head harder.

"Clarke", there's worry in her voice. Just what I need.

I let go of my head and tilt it. My eyes meeting Lexa's. A smile slowly slides along my face which is followed with a laugh.

The laughing slowly stops. I open my mouth and search for the words. They should be easy words, it's not like I'm saying onomato- whatever.

"Come… back?", those two words hurt. It's louder than my usual mumble which doesn't help my case at all.

"Explain."

I point at myself, a sudden jolt in my hand causes me to grab my shirt. I look around panicked before my eyes find Lexa's.

"Did I come back for you?"

I nod my smile returning to my face. Lexa doesn't respond though. She nervously kicks a rock and risks a glance at me.

"Happy someone finally understands ya?"

I tilt my head.

"Verbally", she motions to her mouth. "People haven't been verbally communicated with you. Are you happy to have a tiny conversation?"

I think about this. I wasn't aware about how much people misunderstood what I really wanted until she pointed out. Luna is always guessing and Raven don't know nothin'. Lexa was always the closest to what I really wanted… close but not exact. Now she's the only one with enough patience to bother trying a conversation with me.

_ Yet she turned you in years ago. _

"Yes", Lexa nods. "I… I came back for you."

I nod not able to form words. I'm assuming this is the answer I was searching for, maybe not but I'm fighting to forgive her. Make everything ok.

"Clarke", Lexa takes a cautious step towards me. "Do you find me scary?"

I look at the ground, my lips moving in a silent mumble. I state facts about dirt then go into the animals hiding among it. My head begins to hurt as the monsters crawl up from the hole. They reach and swipe at my feet hoping to drag me further down.

I'm assuming Lexa thinks my communication period is over. Her eyes slightly widen when I shake my head.

My mouth opens as I dig through everything for words. Anything. I let out a croak like noise then close my mouth.

_ Why can't I talk?! _

Anger gets the best of me but confusion fights with it. Shaking I bring my hands to my head. I take a deep breath and start mumbling. This time I don't mumble about my surroundings, my thoughts are full of Lexa. All of my words consist of Lexa.

Lexa looks down at me fighting for a way to calm me. Calm me before the screams come.

My breathing begins to speed up and my vision swirls.

"Clarke?"

_ Raven. _

No, no go away. Go away!

Raven runs over to me, her arms wrapping around me as she gets on her knees. "Clarke, Clarke you're ok."

Go away! Go away! Lexa, I want Lexa.

Raven looks at Lexa. "Leave, your presence is only stressing her out."

Wrong.

I open my mouth then close it.

Lexa takes a step back, she's confused but doesn't say anything.

********

(Lexa's POV)

I begin to turn around when I get a glimpse of Clarke's eyes. She's looking through a gap in between Raven's arms. I can't decipher her emotions. She's just as confused as me.

When I meet eyes with Clarke, a visible shiver runs up me. The gorgeous ocean eyes remind me of those of a devil. They make me feel cold… instead of the gorgeous hawain waters I'm getting the deep ocean where humans can't go. Where the monsters roam.

I can't help but look away guilt gnawing at me, also the cold was a little too much.

When I risk another look, I'm greeted with ocean eyes. 

Though it's raining above the ocean. 

Clarke's eyes are stained with tears. I see a look of desperation and wanting. Like she wants to walk over to me and forget everything. Or so I think. But not even a second later, she looks away.


	24. Chapter 24

I watch as people sing and dance, laugh and talk, eat and drink at this massive celebration.

After a child was born, Luna decided to have a celebration. Just something to distract everyone from recent events and maybe let Clarke socialize like Nico recommended. People were on top of this idea not because we haven't had a party here, but because this child is the first to be born in this camp.

Sitting up in my chair I eye the party. I'm trying to find Clarke in this… mess of people. Just trying to see if she's reacting well with others. I find her blonde locks in a crowd of people. She's by Raven who is doing all the talking. Clarke has her eyes on the ground refusing to talk or making it seem like she doesn't have an interest in talking.

"She's not snapping at anyone", Luna places a hand on my shoulder. "Raven said she said a few words to people. Even made a woman laugh."

I nod, "no sign of Costia?"

"Oh she's around… though she's not going anywhere near Clarke. A few times she's walked by but Raven is quick to distract Clarke", Luna's smile drops.

With a girly 'heyo' Costia plops onto my lap, grinding against my leg in a rather… disgusting way.

Luna leans over whispering a quick, "speak of the devil" and "wish you luck" before walking away.

Costia giggles wrapping her arms around my neck. "So", she walks her fingers up my chest. "I'm taking it that you're single now."

I grab her hand bringing it down to her lap. "And you think that why?"

Costia shrugs, "you ain't going to continue to date that psychopath right?"

I reach out and grab a glass full of wine. I take a sip hoping it'll calm me.

This is a party, don't allow Costia to ruin it.

"Clarke is not a psychopath", I lean back in my chair.

Costia takes my wine glass. She swishes the wine around before setting it down. I can't tell what she is thinking. She traces something on the table, with a small giggle a smile appears on her lips.

"She heard you", Costia motions to Clarke who is looking at me. "She trained to hear your voice? It's pretty loud in here."

I offer Clarke a wave which brings a smile to her face. She hasn't smiled since this party began. Then the smile goes when she sees Costia. 

Costia starts grinding again making me want to throw up.

Clarke looks me in the eyes. I don't shiver but I have to look away. When I look in her eyes I feel guilty, I see something I don't want to. Clarke frowns looking away, this time she draggs Raven away.

I stand up not bothering to warn Costia. Costia mumbles a few words at me. I quickly disappear into my tent feeling angry and confused at the same time.

"Ugh!", I pick up a bottle of wine and throw it. Glass flies everywhere but I don't bother to clean it as I flop onto my bed.

Now that Clarke is back, the tent seems cold. It wasn't a problem before… but knowing Clarke is around, I want her body to sleep in my bed, warm it up and for her just be around.

March 12th, 5059

Slowly and silently I move my hand under the pillow and hold onto a knife. Risking a glance at the window I see it's two in the morning. I can hear someone walking around in the tent but they stumble every now and then.

_ Don't tell me… _

I drop the knife, reach over and light a candle. I'm not surprised when I see Clarke standing at a mirror. She stares at herself mumbling something and swaying back and forth.

_ Is she asleep? _

Clarke reaches up opening her eyes then shakes her head.

"Clarke", I try to keep the grogginess out of my voice but fail at doing so.

Clarke turns but doesn't say anything. I search for her eyes and when I find them, they're full of tears that haven't fallen. I also see dry streaks of already fallen tears on her cheeks.

_ Why was she crying? _

I have to look away from her eyes which burn unwanted holes into me.

There's a whimper coming from Clarke's direction but I refuse to look at her. I can't look at her.

_ Why can't I look at the woman I love? _

There's another whimper, almost painful. "Lexa."

Hearing my name, I look at Clarke but avoid the eyes.

Clarke sighs looking back in the mirror. When she does I can see tears running down her face. Clarke takes a step to the right disappearing into the shadows.

"Clarke?", I sit up. I look around squinting in the dark. A few things are blurry as my eyes are still waking up. I keep looking in the dark until a chill goes through my bones.

_ Found her. _

I know I'm looking at Clarke so I say, "shouldn't you be with Raven?"

I keep eye contact knowing if I looked away then Clarke would move somewhere else in the shadows. A few seconds pass and Clarke steps into the light. She points at me.

"C'mon I'll walk you back to Raven", I don't try to figure out what Clarke means.

Clarke quickly shakes her head. She points to herself then to me then to the bed.

Now I'm confused.

"Sleep."

I point to myself, "with me?"

Clarke nods a look of uncertainty crossing her face.

I have to think about this. Clarke isn't supposed to be with me alone, Luna demanded it and I'd rather avoid being slapped for a while. But how willingly will Clarke leave? I was just complaining about a cold bed...

"Fine", the word leaves my mouth before I can stop it.

Clarke smiles wasting no time to crawl into my bed. She crawls around the bed sniffing a few spots before sitting by me. She happily bounces up and down.

"The bouncing needs to stop."

And stop it does. Clarke forces her eyes to stay on the blanket that she fidgets with.

_ I did something. _

"Sorry", I whisper.

Clarke nods still refusing to look at me.

_ Great, I apologized and she still won't look at me. _

I look at Clarke trying to figure out why she's mad at me. What did I do? I was trying to be nice… I dont think I've do-

I looked away. I shiver when I see her eyes… I… I made her cry.

"You were looking in the mirror because of me weren't you?"

Clarke shrugs.

"Because I looked away, you thought I saw something bad. Were you looking for it?"

Clarke doesn't respond, she doesn't mumble or whisper. She stays where she is shaking with some type of fear or maybe shaking because of the drugs.

"Were you crying because I wouldn't look at you?", I wait for an answer but don't get one. "What do you think of yourself?"

"Think… myself?", she slowly raises her eyes and looks at me.

Her eyes still shake and her lips tremble. I thought the drugs were wearing off.

"Damage."

I blink at her hoping I heard wrong. "Please repeat."

"Damage", Clarke points at her head. "Damage."

_ She thinks she's damaged? Did we my make her feel this way? _

"No", I brush hair behind her ear. "You far from damaged."

Clarke gives me a look of questioning. Can't blame her, everyone is saying she's mentally ill and they think she's crazy. From the looks she gets to the things the kids whisper.

_ We're horrible to her yet we act like we're not. _

Flowers, she knows about the crown and meadow. I have to make her believe she's not damaged.

"Queen", I smile at her. "You're a queen with a flower crown", my hand cups her cheek. "Animals that will worship at your feet, you bring beauty wherever you go. You can light up a room like the sun rising every morning. Your eyes carry all the oceans and the many mysteries within. You're just… just so beautiful and perfect."

Clarke smiles a giggle coming from her. Laying down she turns to me.

"Goodnight Clarke", I lay down turning so my back is to her.

Clarke grunts, climbs over me and lays down in front of me. She curls into my front and lets out a sigh, a happy sigh.

Seconds turn into minutes which fail to turn into hours.

_ Sleep _ , I will myself.  _ Just sleep. _

I feel Clarke pushing my shirt up, a look of anger crossing her face. She glances at me and says, "no shirt."

Grabbing my shirt I hold it down. "Why can't I have a shirt?"

Clarke must see the amusement in my eyes cause she smirks at me in a playful way. "No shirt".

I give Clarke a weird look letting her know nothing is happening until she gives a reason or two.

Grumbling Clarke sits up.She points to herself and says "no shirt" then points to me and says "no shirt".

_ Why is she so determined that neither of us have a shirt? _

I know what she means but words fail at the current moment. I find words keep getting harder and harder.

When I don't move, Clarke removes her shirt and pants. There's a pause then the bra comes off. Without a care she chucks her discarded clothes off the bed and looks down at me.

Swallowing past a lump in my throat I note that this is my first time seeing this much of Clarke and all it took was for her to be drugged up and mentally ill.

_ What would everyone think of Clarke undressing in front of me with no care. Would they assume I'm using her illness to have sex or something? I ain't gonna touch her! _

With a gentle push on my shirt she whispers "no shirt".

Maybe Clarke craves skin contact. Thinking like this allows myself to trust Clarke enough to remove my shirt. She points to herself then to me probably wanting us both in the same state.

At first she struggles so I blow out the candles and undress to the point of underwear myself. Getting under the covers I relight the candle and look up at Clarke.

With a happy sigh she lays by me, her head buried in my neck and one leg over both of mine.

I force myself to keep still as she starts drawing circles on my stomach.

"Why remove clothing?"

Clarke shrugs, "comfo…"

She trails off. Maybe too big of a word but I know what she was gonna say. Clarke's hand stops and she mumbles to herself.

I notice her eyes are shaking more than usual so I try to change the subject but can't think of anything.

Clarke reaches up, her eyes focusing on mine. A smile spreads across her face. Without warning she flicks a nipple of mine and says "nip flick".

Giving her a weird look I see her eyes have stopped shaking and she seems like her old self. Relaxed and comfortable.

Clarke laughs about something then freezes. She looks around the room a tremble starting in her lips again. With a grunt she hides her face in my neck again. Her head doesn't stay long as she slowly brings it to my chest. With her pressing her head against my chest I know she's listening to my heartbeat. Within a few seconds her breathing starts slowing down.

"Clarke?"

A grunt in response.

"Do you hate me?"

Few seconds of breathing.

"No..."

I figure she dozed off so I let my eyes close.

"Love... you."

Opening my mouth I aim to respond but a light snore comes from Clarke confirming she's sleeping.

March 13th, 5059

********

(Clarke's POV)

Groaning I lightly shake my head, the heaviness coming back even though I woke up an hour ago. I feel like I want to go into some deep sleep yet I'm not tired.

I know I'm dreaming when the figure at the end of the bed smiles. It seems so real. They wave with a long fingered hand.

I can only stare at the figure. I know it's not real but… what if it is?

"Clarke."

That sweet voice draws me away from the living nightmare. I glance at Lexa before looking at the end of the bed. The figure is gone.

I can hear noises coming from Lexa which I'm guessing are words. But of course those words sound like gibberish. Their letters seem to rearrange as soon as they slip out of Lexa's mouth. I will myself to listen but physically I can't.

Knowing it's useless in the end, I lift my hand and look at it. I wiggle my fingers finding relief that I at least have control over my fingers.

The relief is gone when I jump at something not there. The quick scream of panic already left my throat and I'm looking around panicked.

I felt a needle, it had to be a needle. A needle slowly sinking into my skin to put whatever sick drug Abby has invented.

I look at my wrist and pick at it. There's tiny scabs in the shape of a circle from previous needles but no sign of a needle.

"Clarke?"

"It- it was there."

Sitting up Lexa brushes hair behind my ears and whispers "you're ok".

I shake my head. "It was-"

"You're safe."

I feel my panic rising again. What if all this is fake? What if I'm really asleep at the lab and Abby is messing with me? That one needle injection could pull me out of that peaceful sleep and into reality, a reality where Lexa fails to exist in my world. Where the meadow is burning making the sky nothing more than an ashen gray color. Birds drop dead upon contact.

More tests. More pain.

I stare at Lexa with worry and fear. I want to ask for help but words fail me, they come out in tiny whimpers or grunts.

"Here", Lexa grabs my hands. She brings them up to my ears.

I cover my ears, my eyes still on Lexa.

"There", Lexa smiles at me.

Looking around I find everything less threatening now that I can't hear it.

I start removing my hands only for Lexa to hold them there. Lexa shakes her head telling me to keep them where they are.

All the peace goes away when someone bangs on the door to Lexa's room. Her curtain was replaced by a wall that has a door with a lock and everything.

The nightmare must be back.

I look around panicked.

Lexa looks in the direction of the yelling but keeps her mouth closed.

My breathing has quickened to the point I have to breathe through my mouth. I close my eyes whispering "stop stop stop" over and over again.

I feel guilty when I flinch away from Lexa. She doesn't seem to mind as she guides my head to her chest. She starts running her fingers through my hair triggering a present memory. The only memory I'm sure of.

I'm telling myself to focus on that one memory. Maybe go over things I see within that memory. Dive into deeper detail than I’ve bothered.

"Clarke."

I grunt as a response.

"I need you to breathe."

I take slow breaths. This doesn't do anything when the yelling gets louder. My breathing speeds up making a hiccuping like noise.

"What's your name?", Lexa tests a new game.

I look at her uncertain where this is going.

"Trust me."

“Clarke, Clarke Griffin", I whisper my name. "Clarke... Rose Griffin."

Lexa nods. "How old are you?"

"Nine... teen”, my hands loosen on my ears.

"Where are you?"

"Bed."

Lexa laughs her fingers undoing a braid. "Yes, yes you are but more detail."

"Trikru", I let my hands drop. "Trikru camp."

"And?"

_ There’s more? _

Tilting my head I ask, "and?"

"Are you safe?"

I nod. "Safe", I have test the word on my tongue. I haven't heard that in ages. "Stay?"

Lexa nods. "You get to stay."

********

(Lexa’s POV)

I sit across from Luna waiting for her to scold me and start yelling something rude and annoying. I have to tell myself to keep my patience and stay silent.

Luna keeps glaring at me, her fingers tapping the table.

The whole stay silent thing is quickly broken. “Why are your panties all bunched up? Raven not have sex with ya?”

“At least my girl is stable enough to have sex.”

My smirk drops, “that’s so not fair.”

“Yes it is, you got her in that state.”

“Yeah, I’ve only been told that a million times”, I run my hands through my hair. “I don’t know what everyone wants. Am I supposed to break down crying about something I can’t undo? I already have to live with the shitty guilt, I don’t need to be reminded every second of my life.”

Luna shakes her head, “you hurt more than just Clarke. You’ll figure it out.”

“Clarke came to me”, I look at Luna. “Last night.”

Luna waits.

“She… she managed to sneak in. I’m guessing the guards let her in figuring she wasn’t able to do any damage anyways. I woke up to her moving around but when I lit a candle, she was looking in the mirror. Crying.”

Raven glances at Clarke who is scratching at the table.

“Anywho, she noticed me awake and disappeared into the dark. I could tell when I was looking at her so I asked if she should be with Raven figuring I could deliver her back and go to sleep but she wanted to sleep with me for whatever reason”, I look at Clarke who is looking at me now. With a heavy sigh she looks away going back to scratching the table. I grab her hands crossing them over her chest. “Could we maybe not scratch up my table?”

Clarke glares at me. Her glare stays as she starts scratching herself.

“Ok, ok… scratch the table.”

With a content smile she starts scratching the table again.

_ I just got that table. _

I look away disappointment obvious in my eyes. “I let her sleep with me not seeing a problem. She slept fine, I don’t think she woke up once then you came at the door and basically scared the living jesus out of both of us. Had to calm her down so thank you for that”, I allow the sarcasm and venom to go noticed in my voice.

“This is your what? Second time having to do so.”

I catch blood running down Clarke’s arm. “God dammit Clarke”, reaching over I bring her hands away from herself. “No scratching. Don’t make me clip your nails.”

Clarke grunts.

Keeping one hand on both of hers, I use my other to wipe her eyes. “Someone’s grumpy. Are you gonna be unreasonable all day?”

Clarke shrugs. She stands up, crawls across the table and settles down on my lap.

“As cute as this is”, Luna butts in. “I have to tell you something Nico said.”

“Go ahead”, I wipe the blood away with a napkin.

“He said Clarke sees things due to not having the drugs she's used to. Withdrawal basically... that's why she'll space out and stare at something we can't see. He also says the worst thing we can do right now is to leave her alone with her thoughts.”

*****

“Today is a great day”, Luna looks at the blue sky and the birds that fly around.

“Yeah, I think Clarke is happy to be outside.”

“Can’t blame her, Raven who usually manages to entertain herself inside, was going insane inside.”

“Summer is coming.”

My eyes find Clarke who seems like her old self. Her lip isn't trembling and her eyes aren't shaking. Maybe drawing calms Clarke down.

“What did Nico say about Clarke’s talking?”

“He says we should get her to talk more often. Include her in simple conversations and rarely in more complicated conversations but not to avoid them completely.”

I nod.

“He noticed Clarke is willing to talk to you more than others. She assumes you understand her more than others so she trusts you to ‘decipher’ her words or grunts… and he said that with simple actions you know what Clarke wants.”

“I just assume.”

“Better than most.”

Clarke stops drawing and looks at me. She stares for a few seconds so I offer a wave. This brings a smile to her face. She drops the stick and moves over to me, her arms wrapping around me in a hug. Clarke sinks to her knees and rests her head on my lap. She slowly unwraps her arms her head remaining on my lap.

I reach down and run my fingers through her soft locks. This brings a deep hum through Clarke. It begins to sound like a purr.

With a grunt Clarke looks up at me. She pulls herself onto my lap, her head now relaxing on my shoulder.

Listening closely I can hear her breathing slowing down.

_ Is she falling asleep? _

I lean back which causes Clarke to open her eyes. I examine her eyes which aren’t shaking as much as they did the first day.

_ This is good right? _

Clarke sways struggling to sit up and keep her eyes open. She yawns rubbing her eyes.

“You wish to sleep?”

Clarke nods.

Guiding Clarke’s head to my shoulder I start running my fingers through her blonde hair. The sun shines on it making it look like precious golden silk.

“You two look like lovers”, Luna smiles at us. She stands up and starts drawing with Raven.

_ Didn’t Luna say we’re lovers anyways? _

I didn't see this action like that. I was more caring for a wounded animal.

I look down at Clarke is obviously asleep. I’m more sure of it when her grip has loosened drastically and her breathing is even.

The minutes start ticking by until I remember my promise. The promise to my sister. I rescued Clarke days ago, should’ve brought her sooner to my sister’s camp.

"Luna.”

"Lexa."

"Would you be up for a little trip?"

"Yes, of course", Luna looks at me. "But… will she?", Luna motions to Clarke.

I look at Clarke. “Let’s hope.”

March 14th, 5059

I dig through my many clothes trying to find something suitable to wear on the way there and for the few days we’re gonna be there.

“I hate packing”, I eye the clothes again.

Clarke doesn’t have much to any stuff. I didn’t bother buying her clothes figuring Clarke would most likely wear my clothes.

That point is further proven when Clarke walks out of the bathroom in nothing but one of my shirts. She was dressed when she went into that bathroom. I think I left that shirt on the floor.

I had to wake Clarke up this morning, we want to leave early so we don’t arrive at sunset. Not that it’s a long walk but we’re going with Clarke, she’s unpredictable at the current moment. I’m just glad Luna gave us permission to share a tent. I think Clarke sleeps better with me.

I stop packing to look at Clarke. When I examine her I can tell she’s slowly coming back, the drugs aren’t as strong as they used to be. This is good, progress is being made.

In fact just this morning she said probably the longest sentence she’s ever said.

(Earlier today)

“Clarke”, I nudge the blonde only to get a grunt as a response. “C’mon, we gotta get a move on things.”

“No”, she pulls the blanket over her head.

“Little lady, we have things to do”, I pull the blanket off her.

She curls up making a hissing like noise. “Too early”, she hides her head in her shirt.

“Hmm”, I notice halfway through the night Clarke kicked off her shorts. “I told you to keep these on.”

Clarke rolls over so she’s lying on her front. “Lexa”, she croaks my name.

“Still here.”

“Know”, she rolls over again. “It’s too early to be awake.”

I drop her shorts staring at her. “What?”

“It’s too early to be awake”, she peeks out from her shirt. “Right?”

“Right”, I nod.

Clarke nods going back into her shirt. "Right, me right."

“But”, I pull the shirt off her face. “We have things to do”, I look down at her.

(Current moment)

Yesterday Nico agreed the drugs are less effective and her eyes have stopped shaking. He also says that when she gets back to normal she'll remember stuff from this day forward.

He also said Clarke sees me as a safe point. That Clarke also loves me but probably doesn't realize it as a girlfriend like.

"Hey cutie", I start packing again not wanting to alarm Clarke with the staring.

Clarke walks over crawling into the bed. She crawls over the suitcase and over to me. She hugs me whispering, "warm."

Knowing Clarke is gonna cling to me, I pull her closer to me so she isn't kneeling in the suitcase. I have to hold onto her with one arm and use the other to toss clothes in a suitcase.

The packing goes slower with a koala clinging to me and refusing to let go. A few times I try to get her to let go but she shakes her head determined to stay where she is.

Eventually the packing is done. I sigh a happy sigh and groan when I realize Clarke's outfit.

"You can't stay in that."

Clarke leans back and looks at her outfit. "Stay?"

"No, no stay in that outfit."

"Stay."

"Clarke, you are not walking through a forest in nothing but a shirt."

Clarke lets me go. She gives me a grumpy like look. "Stay."

"Clarke Griffin, I am not arguing over this", I dig through what little clothes she has. To my surprise Clarke is quiet while I put an outfit together. When I look up she's gone.

_ No wonder she was quiet, she wasn't there to begin with. _

Growling I look around. Clarke stands by the door to my room, her arms crossed.

"Clarke."

She steps towards the door.

Reacting fast I run to the door blocking it from her. "Make this easy love."

Clarke aims to run away but I reach out, my arms wrapping around her waist.

Clarke kicks at the air determined to get away. With one hand I hold onto the shirt. I have to wrestle her to the ground just to take a shirt off.

With me sitting on top of Clarke everything is easier. I have her arms trapped to her side by using my legs and her legs kicks at nothing.

I manage to put a bra on then slowly start dressing her. Once I'm done I stand up and take a few steps back.

Clarke makes a hissing like noise, climbs onto the bed and glares at me.

I wait for her to say something but she doesn't. She stands up and leaves the tent her glare following me until it no longer can.

*****

The walk starts off better than the last one. Clarke is happy to be in the forest, which I find weird but it must be the change of scenery or something that her in such a mood. I'd rather have her on this mood than the one she was in earlier. 

The forest holds a lot of distracting things. Well distracting things to Clarke.

Sometimes she gets too distracted so one of us has to find her and pull her back onto the trail because she wanders off to some weird place. I've had better luck than the other two when it comes to that.

At the beginning of the walk we'd have tk guess where Clarke went, but now she's humming a weird tune with random highs and sudden lows. I know where she is by listening to this humming.

I doubt I know what song she's humming but I still listen thinking maybe I do know.

There's a "thump" like noise and the humming stops.

"Clarke?"

Silence.

I glance at Raven who is looking in the direction Clarke was. We’re met with a few minutes of silence.

I begin to freak out worrying that Clarke strayed without anyone realizing it. I’m about to go find her when she walks out from behind a tree. She wipes her eye which is watery.

“Clarke?”, Raven steps towards her.

Clarke doesn’t acknowledge Raven, instead she stares at something in the distance.

"What's wrong now? Did she pee before we left?", Luna nudges me.

"She went pee."

Clarke glances at me. As she walks over, her eyes remain on whatever is interesting. Without a word the blonde grabs my arm and starts pulling me through the forest. She has a look I can't decipher as she drags me.

Being curious myself, I allow her to drag me through the forest.

I am surprised to be met with a wall of beautiful scents and butterflies that zip around. A deer stares at us trying to tell if we're friends or predator. One look at Clarke and it has its answer.

All the beauty of the sky doesn't compare to the beauty of the flower meadow.


	25. Chapter 25

I stare at the meadow that I've forgotten existed. The beauty is still there, I feel like I can see the golden wolf frozen in the air and the butterfly brushing against its nose.

_ It's still magical in a way I can't render. _

Clarke stands at the edge of the meadow, her eyes take everything in. I wonder how she feels about this, I mean it's the only memory she holds close. This place contributed to that memory.

I don't stop Clarke as she starts walking along the edge. Her fingers lightly brush the flowers.

A delighted noise comes from her. She turns into a wolf and continues sniffing the flowers.

"Clarke's wolf looks better than her human", Luna gives me a look.

I have to take two glances at Luns. I didn’t hear her walk over.

When a few seconds pass I finally say, "a wolf is said to be stronger than its human, it's supposed to support the human and keep it mentally going."

But Luna is right. Clarke's wolf is more stable and each step is confident and certain. It doesn't shake or look around in panic. Though it does what Clarke does when seeking a source of comfort. It looks at me, studies me and when it confirms I ain't going anywhere, it looks away.

“I guess a wolf can share the same fear as its human”, Luna looks into the meadow. I know she doesn't want or need a response to what she just said.

Clarke gives me one last look before diving into the meadow. I think she's out of sight then she jumps up snapping at the air. Her tongue lolls as she goes falling towards the ground and lands with a thump.

The rustling stops and I hear a distressed whimper. “Le… Lexa?”

If I can’t see her then she can’t see me. I look around and spot a big rock. Without a second thought I walk over and climb onto it. Clarke is quick to spot me, when she does she goes back to happily running.

I watch from the rock as Clarke runs in circles disturbing the flowers but not the animals. At one point a baby deer runs up to her giving her a curious sniff. The mom who is watching allows this until they have to leave. With them gone Clarke goes back to running in a circle. She does this until she gets dizzy and flops onto her side.

"Go join her", Luna nudges me.

"Nah."

"It wasn't a suggestion", Luna shoves me forward. "Go."

I glare at Luna who takes my place on the rock. With a huff, I turn into a wolf and disappear into the flowers. I walk around sniffing out Clarke. Clarke pops her head out from the flowers. She tilts her head and stays where she is for a second before disappearing again.

Based on scent I know she's near but no longer in front of me.

The colors of flowers become a blur when I'm tackled to the ground. I start struggling wanting to get back on my feet, then stop. A tongue repeatedly rolls over my fur. It's rather soothing and reminds me of my mom. It's one of the few melodies that melt my heart and make me miss mom. I close my eyes the memories swimming in front of me. 

(Flashback)

September 11th, 5038

I walk into the house wiping my eyes. One has tears streaming down them while the other struggles to squeeze out one tear. It’s only been a minute and my eye is swollen to the point I can't open it.

“Mama”, I seek for her comfort. “Mama!”

To my surprise Dad appears. His usual warming face is full of anger. “Shut up!”

I step back confused as to what I did. “Mama?”

“If you didn’t demand to go out and play then you would know”, he painfully grabs my arm. I stumble behind him as he walks into a room. I’m tossed into their room. Dad stands by the door watching me.

“Mama?”, I walk over to the bed. I struggle to look over the bed but when I do I see a ugly looking demon. Mom is whispering something to it in a sweet voice.

“Alex”, mom looks at me. “Meet Anastasia, your little sister.”

_ That’s a baby? _

“No.”

“Alex it is your job to make sure she isn’t bullied”, dad gives me a look.

“No!”, I push away from the bed. I run past dad who misses me by an inch. I run into my room and hide under the bed. When I look out, I see a bed with bars. I see half of my stuff has been removed and that half of my room is full of baby stuff.

I push farther backwards under the bed and let out a whimper. I feel like my almost complete puzzle piece has been shattered. The pieces flying out of my reach.

**Four years later**

I stare up at Dad my cheek on fire. The tears threaten to fall but I refuse to let them.

Ana stands behind him looking at me. “Awex?”

I tell myself to keep quiet, that Dad will calm down and I’ll go back to entertaining myself and tuning out the annoying toddler. But for the first time I can’t stand that idea.

Ana walks over to me reaching out to wipe a tear.

“Go away!”, I push her away from me. “I hate you!”

Ana lands on her butt, she’s confused.

Dad reaches for me but he never touches me. His hand is frozen in place as the door swings open revealing mom who has a smile on her face. “Get off the floor Alexandria, you have a fight to prepare for.”

_ The fight… _

(Present moment)

When I was young, before Ana was born, she would change to a wolf and snuggle up to me. Her fur warming mine up as she licked me repeatedly.

I open my eyes.

Of course all that stopped when Ana was born. She would do it to only Ana, I was left to cry in the corner. Eventually I stopped wishing for her to comfort me, I would stay out late and do dumb things. Guess I never stopped wishing.

Clarke sensing something pushes her nose into my fur and lets out a whimper like noise.

_ She'd make a great mom. Caring, loving, senses things, doesn't pressure you, and is always cheerful about something. Not to mention her strong optimism that nothing and no one can break. _

When I close my eyes I see a blonde haired girl with green eyes and a little boy with blue eyes peeking out from behind Clarke. The little girl steps out from behind Clarke and flings herself at me. I can almost hear her sweet giggle as she smiles up at me. Her grin missing a tooth. I have to shake the thought away. I can’t even wish for children when she’s not emotionally stable enough to care for herself.

With that thought flowing through my mind the happy picture I painted disappears. The painting lights on fire, the fire doing it's magical dance that can hypnotize anyone.

The fire begin to burn my eyes bringing me to look away and eye my surroundings. It's a hut. I'm sitting on my knees with papers scattered around me. The fireplace is on burning many papers that were carelessly tossed in. There's a slight snore and someone moves on the bed, their hand flopping off the edge. The hand drops a beer bottle. It rolls along the floor coming to a stop when it hits my knee. 

When I pick up the paper I read the names "Mrs. Costia and Alexandria Woods". Upon further reading I figure out the papers are for abortion. This triggers a painful almost sad thought.

_ A life with Costia is full of sex, abortion and drunk nights. No kids, no giggles. Costia would never make such a commitment.  _

My eyes fly open.

Yet, Clarke will get better. She has to… if she doesn't then why am I trying? Of course I’ll be by her side until she takes her last breath but then what?

I look at Clarke and am met with what I hoped for. Ocean blue eyes. They show worry and fear but even with such emotions they still carry the ocean and sky within them. They hold all the mysteries of the galaxy.

Grunting I push my head into her fur and close my eyes. I wanna stay like this, please let me stay like this. Finally safe and feeling love but… we can’t. I know we can’t.

Clarke licks my ear causing me to open my eyes. I figure I fell asleep since Luna is sitting by me, her fingers running through my fur. I didn’t hear her come over or feel her touch me.

“You’re finally awake”, she smiles at me.

Lifting my head I yawn. "We gotta get going", I mumble, gently pushing Clarke to her feet before standing up myself.

Luna eyes me.

“What?”

“Nothing”, she stands up. “It’s just… whenever you’re finally peaceful you ruin it somehow.”

I look away guilty. “Hold habit”, after a stretch and a yawn I turn back to a human.

*****

********

(Clarke’s POV)

I stare at a guard. She avoids meeting my eyes, I know I’m making her uncomfortable but I keep looking at her.

Lexa nudges me giving me a look. I look away from the guard just in time to see a black haired woman hug Lexa.

“You actually showed up”, the woman kisses Lexa on the cheek.

In my own head I can hear my wolf growling. It wants to tear the woman apart but at the same it moves away. It feels threatened.

Deciding the best thing right now is space, I take a step away from everyone but mainly Lexa. I hug myself, one hand running up and down my arm.

_ I wanna get out of this sun. _

The woman suddenly squeals. My eyes go wide and I look around. I think she’s hurt herself but she’s jumping up and down.

“You must be Alex’s love!”, now she’s clapping.

I don’t respond finding I’m not taking a liking to this woman. I keep my eyes on the woman knowing if I were to take them off I’d look at Lexa.

_ I don't like this place. _

Lexa leans over whispering something to the black haired woman. This brings her to nod and ask Raven and Luna if they want to be shown around.

“Of course”, Luna takes Raven’s hand.

“Is this place known for its beauty?”, Raven smiles at Luna.

I don't hear the response as they disappear into the camp and behind the gate.

With the black haired woman gone I begin to relax. I crouch down and use my finger to draw circles in the dirt. Through the corner of my eye I can see Lexa move over to a tree which she now leans on.

A few minutes of silence pass.

“Cl-”

I cut her off. “Traitor!”, I refuse to look at her. “You traitor.”

“Are… are you jealous?”

I can hear the amusement in her voice.

I look at Lexa the anger radiating from my eyes. Picking up a rock I yell, “no love”.

Lexa dodges the rock by an inch. I can see in her eyes that she’s not happy about me throwing the rock. 

_ I don't give a damn! _

With a sigh, she walks over and crouches in front of me. “Clarke.”

“No.”

“Clarke”, she says my name without the softness.

“No, go away", I push her weakly with one hand.

Lexa grabs my chin.

I try to shake free but she has a good grip. I’m forced to look at her.

"Do we throw things?"

Instead of a straight answer I mumble about anger and betrayal.

"Clarke, Clarke do we throw things?"

I shake my head free. “No… sorry.”

Lexa nods saying it's ok. 

I look back at the ground.

“What’s wrong? Will you please talk to me?”

I scoot back when she reaches out to touch me. “Black hair.”

“Ana?”

“Whore!”

Lexa smiles. “That’s my sister Clarke.”

“Incest.”

“No, no I am not attracted to her in any way.”

I eye her but nod. “Still love me?”

Lexa nods. “I’ll always love you”, Lexa sits down on the ground.

I stand up and walk around Lexa so I stand behind her. When I walk around her again I’m pulled onto her lap.

Lexa nuzzles my neck whispering something I don’t catch.

*****

_ I guess this place is beautiful. _

I walk around with Lexa. She shows me the beautiful places and avoids the ugly. When I asked why she avoided them she responded with, “someone as beautiful as you shouldn’t be in an ugly place. If it were my way I’d have you in a glass case for the world to see but not touch”.

I didn’t know what the second sentence meant but I assumed it was nice.

“Stiff”, I look at Lexa.

“Hmm?”

“Stiff. Hugging Ana.”

Lexa nods. “You know… a while back Raven and Luna were fighting.”

I frown.

“More of friendly bickering. I didn’t interrupt them figuring it’s best to just let them. My parents would bicker among each other in a friendly way… well used to.”

_ I shouldn’t have asked. _

I feel bad for asking.

“At first, when I was born they were dating so the bickering wasn’t as touchy and lovey dovey as Raven and Luna’s but when they got married it started involving kissing and laughing”, Lexa squeezes my hand. “It didn’t take me long to realize why it changed, they fell in love. Maybe that’s why they favored my sister. I was a result of a drunk night, she was a result of their love. I was an accident, she was on purpose.”

“But… I love you.”

Lexa smiles. “Thank you”, she kisses my head. “You know, I never cried when I was hit with the belt or spanked by my mom. My anger would only grow for my stupid sister, she would call me a name and my parents would laugh so I came to the conclusion they loved her more. Which is true. It was obvious even to a simple stranger.”

I don't respond not knowing how. I block the world out as I imagine Lexa being hit. How could anyone do that?

I’m brought back when a woman says something to me. I look at her and get the same response everyone always gives me. She steps back, her eyes confused. People assume I’m normal until they see the shake in my eyes.

Feeling… weird, I let go of Lexa’s hand and bring my eyes to the ground.

“You weren’t kidding about the torture.”

_ And she knows about the torture. _

I step away from her. I wish to hide, leave and just be somewhere where it’s just me. I feel someone push my hair back. I look up to see Lexa. She smiles at me.

The want to be alone and not seen disappears. I can’t help but smile back.

“What did they do to you?”

Lexa shoots a glare at her mom. I drop my smile and look around. My eyes look at everything around me. I start stating colors then shapes to prevent my mind from going into some unknown place.

**I feel it is necessary to say that there is a few flashbacks Clarke has then goes back to the present where she basically restates the flashback. The flashbacks aren't very long.**

September 10th, 5058

I stare at the white ceiling which much to my surprise isn't covered in my blood.

I can feel every shot they give me, all the liquids flowing into my skin. I know I'm screaming yet I can't hear myself. My head feels like it's ringing yet it's so silent. I can feel fingers moving around under my skin, tools doing something to me. I can feel everything yet I'm so numb.

_ What's happening? _

(Present moment)

When my mind doesn’t feel like it’s gonna blow up I say, “shots, a lot of shots”.

Lexa glances at Luna who is watching me closely.

The things I thought I forgot rise to the surface really easy. I could describe everything perfectly if I was allowed the time. “I… strapped down. They would dig into my skin… searching for something.”

My wolf sits down, it acts like it’s listening. Waiting.

“Test liquids on me. My head would hurt, my eyes would blur. One time I lost my voice”, I walk over to a fancy vase. “Lost it due to the screaming”, much to my surprise I let out a laugh. “But that didn’t prevent the screaming from breaking through my throat. Sounded like a cat getting hit by a car over and over and over again.”

I hate that my mind is so clear right now.

October 30th, 5058

I know I'm crying but the tears are lost in the water. They become apart of the water. I know I'm screaming but it all comes out as helpless gurgle. It makes bubbles that rise to the surface and disappear.

The water sloshes back and forth as Kane struggles to keep my head under. My hands scramble for a surface to grip and push against. My feet kick at the tub wanting to get away from the tub.

(Present moment)

With a sigh I move away from the vase. “Drowning, Kane would stick my head in water demanding information that at that point I didn't have.”

I look at my hand. “I remember using both hands and feet to try and push away from the tub. Helpless bubbles rising to the surface, my screaming under water creating more bubbles.”

Lexa glances at Ana who wipes a tear from her face.

November 21st, 5058

I stare at a puzzle piece, my hands shaking as I reach for a puzzle. I put the last piece in revealing a meadow.

"Clarke, have you ever seen a meadow?"

_ Have I? _

I begin to shake my head only to stop. I stare at the puzzle. I've definitely seen a meadow… right?

I look at another puzzle, it's a wolf in the woods.

"Have you seen inside the woods?"

_ Have I? _

(Present moment)

“At one point they started taking memories, rerouting my brain to something I didn't even recognize. They would make up a scene and cause me to question its realism… at one point they started taking memories about Lexa. I fought to hold onto those, that only upset Abby”, I drop my hands. “Due to me holding onto memories, I would take beatings and suffer the drowning. At some point I would start saying a memory over and over again. Go over it in my head when I was being tortured or my head was stuffed under water. I’d start panicking when I couldn’t remember a certain detail. In the end they took everything but one. The one I fought to hold onto most”, I let out a whimper.

December 25th, 5058

My throat burns as I scream. I pull against all restraints, my back arching off the table. My head slamming into the metal table just wanting it all to end.

The memories swim in front of me and disappear. A few come back only to disappear again. My mouth closed now that the shock is over. Then it flies open again with the second shock. My nails dig into my skin and I recite memories and begin the ones that are leaving, I beg them to stay.

(Present moment)

“I can’t even remember Dad.”

There’s a few seconds of silence which I already guessed would happen. Ana had to leave the room, too many tears or something. Raven has that look of guilt, Luna is looking at Lexa who is looking out a window.

I start feeling guilty. “I… I’m sorry.”

“Oh dear you did nothing wrong”, Lexa’s mom smiles at me. “I am so sorry you had to go through something so traumatic.”

Realizing how far I’ve gotten from Lexa makes my heart start beating faster. I have to mentally tell myself it’s no big deal and that I’m fine. I lean against a wall, my legs crossed at the ankle and my hands fiddling with my shirt.

“Ana!”, Lexa’s mom calls her youngest over.

“Yes?”

“Why don’t you show Lexa and Clarke to their rooms.”

“Rooms?”, Lexa looks at her mom.

“Yes, where you two will be staying.”

“I know that but you said rooms, as in there’s more than one.”

I look at Lexa.

“There is more than one.”

“Now we have a problem.”

_ Why is she making such a big deal out of this? _

“Oh don’t be silly, everyone likes their own room.”

“You’re not listening”, Lexa turns so she’s facing her mom. “I sleep with Clarke.”

Luna looks at me. She’s wearing a smirk.

I look away my face beginning to heat up.

“Honey, some things you gotta keep to yourself.”

“No”, Lexa quickly says realizing her words. “No, not like that. Jesus no.”

I look at Lexa. Was the "Jesus no" necessary? My eyes go down. I eye my chest.

Flat.

Looking down my shirt I eye my breasts.  _ I have a bra so I have boobs. _

My smile drops. I guess they don't meet her wants. I thought I was perfect, she said I was perfect.

"Drop your shirt love."

I growl not wanting to listen to her. Dropping my shirt I look down my pants.

"I'm developed", I look at Lexa.

Lexa nods.

Lexas mom covers her mouth. "Oh honey she didn't mean that."

I tilt my head.

"I'll talk to you about it later", Lexa smiles at me.

I look away.

Now Lexa’s mom seems confused.

Lexa places her attention to her mom. “Back at my camp I share a room with Clarke. Well tent but me, I like and prefer to wake up to ocean eyes so we’re gonna need just one room.”

The mom smiles, “and if you don’t share a room?”

“I’ll probably struggle to fall asleep but you guys get to deal with Clarke’s screaming all because you wouldn’t get us a room together.”

The mom nods. “Fine, fine.”

“Jeniffer!”, the dad looks at his wife.

“Tom.”

“You aren’t serious about letting our daughter sleep with some teenager, are you?”

“I am, and I don’t think Clarke is a teenager.”

Tom looks at me. “You look like a teeanger… pretty flat so you must be a teenager.”

I cross my arms to cover my chest. “Not flat.”

“You loo-”

“She’s just underdeveloped”, Lexa cuts her dad off.

I nod in agreement with Lexa.

“How old are you Clarke?”

I look at Lexa. “Don’t know?”

Lexa doesn't respond, she just like everyone else waits for me to answer.

I want to step back but the wall prevents me from doing so. “No.”

Lexa tilts her head, “and why’s that?”

“Bad for you.”

“I’ll be fine”, Lexa looks at her dad. “Old man can’t move as fast as he claims.”

“Nine-teen.”

A few jaws drop. I see anger fill the dad’s eyes. Lexa however isn’t fazed, she knew my age.

“She is a teenager!”

“Oh calm down, you got mom pregnant when she was 15.”

That shuts Tom up.

Ana butts in, “come on, I’ll show you to your room.”

I walk behind Lexa and Ana. I still hate that Ana girl, she’s so touchy with Lexa.

“Here we are”, Ana smiles at me.

I step away from her giving her a nod to show I see the smile.

“Just ignore Dad”, she looks around. “He… he’s always been harsh when it comes to Alex’s lovers. Disapproves of anyone but he won’t harm you.”

I nod.

“Thank you Ana”, Lexa pushes me into the room and closes the door behind her.

I move over to a bed. I feel it with my hands before climbing on. The bed isn’t as comfortable as Lexa’s but it will do. I push my face into the bed. With a groan I flop onto my side and stretch. Rolling around I mess up the bed. I keep rolling until I find a comfortable spot.

I’m closer to the bottom left corner of the bed. My head rests in the corner with my arm flopping off the bed.

“Do you wish to change before dinner?”, Lexa looks at me.

I shake my head.

Lexa nods and starts changing. She sits on the edge of the bed with nothing but underwear on. She’s done that once, maybe twice. Both were after she took a shower, I was allowed to dry her hair.

Pushing away from the bed I sit up. I crawl over to Lexa and sit on her lap. My fingers trace a scar on her chest. I’ve always wondered how she got so many scars, especially in places where women always have something covering it. This of course brings me to believe Lexa didn't have anything covering it.

_ Who’d she undress for? _

I look up at Lexa. When I do her eyes find mine. Moving her hair off her chest I lean forward and place a kiss on her scar. “Who did this?”

Lexa shakes her head. Her arms wrap around me and she falls back so she’s lying on the bed. I allow myself to fall with her. “How long do you want to stay here?”, her fingers start running through my hair.

I shrug and move so I’m lying on her, my chest to her chest. “You stay, I stay.”

*****

I walk downstairs in one of Lexa’s big shirts. It goes to my knees making me feel warm.

Tom notices my outfit almost immediately. “Nuh uh, put on some pants.”

Moving my shirt up I reveal shorts.

Tom nods going back to stirring a bowl of something.

“Clarke, why don’t you sit by me?”, Raven smiles at me.

That’s a weird offer but I sit by her anyways. I end up across from Ana who is sitting by Lexa. Ana smiles at me and gives me a wave. I don't respond or move finding my anger rising.

Lexa slides a plate of food over to me.

********

(Lexa’s POV)

Ana has a lot to say, a lot of stories. Almost two decades worth of stories, things I ‘missed’ out on. I find I have a general interest in the stories she tells. Based on stories she's told I've come to realize she's dated two boys and one girl. She recently got with that girl, apparently she's really nice.

"Dad even approves of her."

_ That's a first. _

This girl is a year older than Ana so that makes her 21. The girls dad is really into weapons so Dad has someone to talk weapons with. I mean I like weapons but in order for us to talk he has to let me have an opinion.

"You'd love her Alex, she strives to be just as great as you."

I nod. My eyes find Clarke who seems to have no interest in me or the conversations going on around her. She's the only silent one.

For the first time in a while she looks bored. Her head rests on her palm as she unconsciously pushes her peas around. With a quiet sigh she drops her fork, her eyes go to her nails.

I realize Ana is talking. When I pay attention she's in the middle of a sentence.

"... she was pretty bummed when word spread you gave up your position as Heda…"

"Most were."

"Why'd you do it?"

I shrug. "Had a blonde to rescue."

"Do you regret it? Giving up Heda that is."

"Not one bit."

Ana goes silent struggling to start another conversation.

I look at Clarke's plate which I full of things I want. My plate has things she eats.

“Give me your plate", I look at Clarke.

Clarke shakes her head not looking at me. It's pretty obvious she's mad at me.

“Trust me.”

We swap plates. Now that Clarke has things she eats, she starts eating.

"Did ya hear Alex? Did ya?", Ana butts in.

"Hear what?"

"Can I tell her Ma? Pleeeease."

"Oh go ahead, no harm to be done anyways", mom smiles at Ana.

I have to look away from her smile. The smile she stopped offering me years ago.

"People hate the queen, there's riots and people are fighting to have you back. Of course the queen sent guards where the riots are located. About 25 have died."

I nod. "Interesting."

"Well?"

I glance at Ana. "Well?"

"Aren't you gonna take your rightful spot?"

"I have no rightful spot, I chose to give it up for something I wanted."

"Well… did you notice the lack of things?"

"Lack of supplies? Yes, I did."

"Thats because of the riots."

I nod.

_ Are people really that desperate? _

Clarke pushes her plate away. I watch as a sudden shake takes over her body.

Ana leans over using her hands to block her mouth. "I can help", she whispers.

"With?"

"You know", she leans away with a smirk on her face.

I don't respond. When mom is bringing out dessert I say I'm gonna go to sleep.

"Why so early?", Luna looks at me.

"Long walk to get here… pretty tired."

Luna eyes me but nods.

*****

"I need the cup."

Clarke leans forward in the water. She misses the cup as the waves carry it farther out. Clarke moves through the tub and finally gets the cup. Getting comfortable she hands me the cup.

I scoop up water and pour it down her head. The conditioner washes out of her hair.

Normally Clarke would be grunting and protesting but she's silent. She's not as joking and happy as usual.

"Clarke", I whisper her name.

Clarke doesn't respond. She takes the cup from me.

"Lexa, you on there?", there's a knock on the door.

********

(Clarke's POV)

I look up from the cup to watch Lexa leave the bathroom. My hand drops the cup which lands with a splash.

I try to figure out my next move. I know I should wait for Lexa to come back. But she was basically done so the next thing would be to dry off… right?

Deciding yes I stand up and get out of the tub. I have to dig around but eventually I find a towel. 

_ Slowly. _

I start drying myself off. My hands shake and sudden jerks cause me to drop the towel. I pick it up again telling myself, "it's ok".

I finally have a clear mind yet my brain doesn't communicate actions with the rest of my body. Taking a deep breath I try again. Anger gets the best of me. Instead of screaming or breaking something, I sink to my knees. The tears make their way down my face only reminding me of my recent failure.

I hear the rattle of the doorknob. Not wanting anyone's pity, I crawl to the door and lock it.

Someone knocks on the door but no words are said.

I respond with "dressing".

"Clarke…I've already seen you naked."

My anger rises to the surface again. I grab the closest thing to me and throw it at the door. A yell leaves my body, "dressing!"

"Ok ok."

The cup rolls in front of me. I throw it again but get no satisfaction from it. The only makes me more mad. I lean forward putting my head on the ground.

"It's ok, ok, ok… ok. O-" a scream erupts from my body. Curling I myself I pull on my hair allowing another scream to pass through me.

I know it's pointless but I try to scream the anger away, the nightmares and whatever things I have bunched up inside me.

********

(Lexa's POV)

I lean against the door all the color draining from this world at Clarke's first scream.

The guilt I tried so hard to bury rises to the surface. I tell myself "get it together" and "she's getting better".

_ Is she? _

"I'm trying", I whisper to myself.

I wish… I wish to take all the pain away from Clarke. That karma would arrive sooner than later.

With a sigh I slide down the door and turn so my head is against the door.

The second screams brings my eyes to close.

_ I'm sorry. _

I bring my hand up and lay it flat against the door.

"I'm so sorry."


	26. Chapter 26

March 15th, 5059

I look around the living room. Raven and Luna sit on the floor by the coffee table. They're doing a puzzle which is supposed to look like the world before the bombs. Ana talks with Mom on the couch. Dad stands by the end of the couch talking with some man who I'm guessing is Ana's girlfriend's dad. Ana's girlfriend gets comfortable by Ana. She's fast to engage in a conversation with me. Not to my disappointment, I ends. The thing… person who trigger the is Clarke. She's just walked in and Ana's girlfriend is watching her with an amazing amount of curiosity.

Clarke sniffs wiping her runny nose. I figure she's caught a cold since she fell asleep with wet hair. She fell asleep sometime when she was screaming. Guess her body couldn't take it anymore. Anywho, I had to go get a key to unlock the door. I dried Clarke's body off but her hair was another challenge. I made sure to brush in so she wouldn't wake up with tangles but after that I couldn't do anything.

I allowed the blonde to sleep with nothing on but I did make the room really hot in hopes the heat would drive away that cold she was catching. I didn't need her sick. Due to the heat I woke up sweaty and took a nice long shower, which to my surprise Clarke slept through.

However when she did wake up I had already set out a cup of hot chocolate, Clarke's favorite, and a set of freshly washed clothes which included her favorite big shirt of mine, the only one that went to her knees, a pair of shorts and other necessities. I'm guessing Clarke gladly drank the hot chocolate based on the brown mustache she's licking off. 

Standing up I walk over to Clarke. I put the back of my hand to her forehead and let out a sigh. "Mon amour", I wipe her eyes. "You're sick."

Clarke sniffs again blinking up at me.

I have to wipe crust from her eyes with a wet napkin. While doing this Clarke brushes her hair out of her face repeatedly so I decide to put it up on a bun. She looks rather gorgeous in a bun.

When I go back to the couch Clarke mopes her way away from everyone.

The girlfriend doesn't attempt to start a conversation. Clarke is the only thing interesting to her right now.

Before the girlfriend came Ana said she worked with special people. She may take an interest to Clarke due to the special like nature that she's in.

So right now I figure the girlfriend, Lucy, is studying Clarke. I doubt she's had a patient like Clarke. Clarke is a special case.

Although I would love to cuddle the blonde, she is currently mad at me. She sits away from everyone kinda in her own little corner. 

Clarke's hand suddenly jerks but Clarke pays no mind to it.

"Did they shock her?", Lucy looks at me.

"What makes you ask me?"

"You called her your love just a minute ago… and the love in your eyes. Figured you would know."

"They did."

Lucy nods. She isn't surprised.

"Oh yeah that reminds me. I can help", Ana smiles.

I raise my eyebrows wanting more of an explanation.

"Well Lucy here has this drink…. it's designed to clean out someone's system. Like clean the bad stuff out. It really helps those who eat the local rat poisoning on accident." 

Lucy nods. "Happens a lot around here."

"I assume this may help get out the lingering drugs in Clarke's system."

"But that doesn't mean she'll go back to 100% ok overnight night", Lucy looks at me. "Some things will stick with her throughout her whole life. Like the sudden jerks. I doubt her body will recover from that. Or nightmares, if she has them… let's just say those are from PTSD." 

I nod again. "Sudden freakouts?"

"Those won't stop but they'll become less common. What this drink helps is the shaking of her boys, the need for her to scratch her arms, her eyes shaking, the blurry vision she probably gets. And she won't have to suffer from withdrawal any more which is part of the reason why she shakes and sees things."

"You know a lot more than I thought."

"Oh, I know Nico."

I nod. "How'd you know about the drugs?", I look at Ana.

"I assumed from Clarke's story… am I wrong?"

I don't respond.

"They're right", dad looks at us. "But she'd have to take it in small doses since too much would mess her body up. But this is considering she takes them."

"If she doesn't then we could sneak them in the simplest things. Like food or something."

"Maybe don't say the plan right in front of the blonde", Ana motions to Clarke.

"Oh she can't hear us… well she can but she isn't rendering the words. We sound like gibberish to her right now", I look at Clarke. She has her back to me as she picks at the shoelaces of one of Ana's discarded shoes.

"Clarke", Luna says her name.

Clarke looks around. She searches for the person squirting as she does so. "Le… xa?"

_ Is this the blurriness Lucy was talking about? _

"Still here."

Clarke goes back to the shoelace.

"Might as well ask", I stand up and head over to the blonde. I have to crouch by her. "Clarke", I take the shoe and toss it behind me. "Would you be willing to try a drink for me?"

Clarke shakes her head.

"Why's that?"

Clake shrugs.

I let out a hum, my nail running down her back. I can feel her shiver. "Please", I lay a kiss on her cheek before grabbing her chin. Tilting it up I place a gentle kiss on her lips.

Clarke shakes her head whispering "no".

I tilt my head. 

_ Why is she being so stubborn? _

"No trust."

I give Clarke a look of curiosity. Clarke gives me a look back with her eyes squinted. Looking into her eyes I see amusement.

I stick my tongue out hoping to hide the smile creeping onto my face. Letting go of Clarke's chin I allow her to wrap her arms around me, her face now hiding in my neck.

Clarke nods into my neck telling me she will take the drink.

*****

"How many doses do you estimate she will need?", I hand Clarke a cup full of green liquid.

"Two or three."

"Breakfast, lunch and dinner", Raven mumbles.

She's not happy about this. She says to let Clarke's body take a natural course. She was of course voted against.

Clarke stares at the cup. "Safe?"

I nod. "I would never feed you anything that wasn't safe."

Clear nods and with a shrug drinks it all. "Bleh", she wipes her tongue and gives the cup back to me.

"Is it noticeable?", I turn to Lucy.

"No, she may have a stomach ache but nothing too big."

"And this works?"

"Well 95% of those who use it have eaten rat poison but I've used it on some special patients. One of them was injected with a lot of liquids and was always sweating and her eyes shook. Four doses later and she felt fine. Though she described the night as being hell."

So Clarke will be kinda back to normal but some things will stay.

This thought brings a tiny smile to my face. I can actually see children in the future. I can see Clarke happy again… I mean she will get mad about the occasional jerks and still wake up screaming but she'll be able to think straight and do things.

"I'll report to Nico that Clarke is taking the drink", Lucy stands up. 

I watch Ana and Lucy leave the house.

"Don't be devastated if this doesn't work", dad stands up.

_ Why wouldn't it work? _

"Most people who tried ate poisoning… it's designed for poisoning. It may have a little effect on Clarke then her body may have to do the rest", he leaves the room.

*****

I hold a sleeping Clarke in my arms. We all spent the day tiring her out so her body could sort things out while she slept tonight. Entertaining Clarke isn't easy.

"So what happens tomorrow?", Raven tugs on Luna's arm encouraging her to their room.

"Well", Ana leans against the table. "When she wakes she'll need to pee really bad, she's probably peeing out the drugs. Let her drink a lot of water and eat something soft, like yogurt."

"Will Clarke be back to normal?"

Ana shrugs, "I assume so. Hope so. May be confused though. She'll be as normal as she can get."

Not wanting to hear anymore I turn on my heel and go to my room. I have to undress an unconscious Clarke and make sure she's comfortable before getting into bed myself.

I turn so I'm facing Clarke. Her mouth slightly hangs open and her fingers twitch every few seconds.

"Charmante", I lay a kiss on her forehead.

March 16th, 5059

"Red or black?", I whisper two colors to myself trying to decide which shirt to wear. I have to be careful and silent with everything I do. Clarke is still asleep though I'm guessing she's close to waking up. She's been moving more and more.

I don't get to decide when a groan comes from the bed. Looking over my shoulder I see Clarke hide her face in my pillow. There's another groan and she rolls onto her back, her hand pushing hair off her face.

"Lexa?", her eyes stay on the ceiling.

I don't know if she's aware I'm here. All I can do is watch, I don't want to startle Clarke.

Clarke grumbles again and rolls. She hits the floor but is up in a matter of seconds. She's wobbly on her legs as she goes to the bathroom.

_ What just happened? _

I look around questioning my eyes when the door flies open. Clarke rubs her eyes and flops onto the bed. With a sigh she curls up.

_ Ok? _

There's a scream as Clarke bolts upright. Her breathing has quickened as she looks around. Her eyes land on me and I suddenly feel… frozen.

Clarke rubs her eyes and blinks at me. "Are… are you real?"

I stare into Clarke's eyes. They have no shake and I think she's normal but her hand jerks.

_ Right, the jerks. _

Finally I nod. "I am very much real."

Clarke nods and looks around. I know she doesn't exactly believe me but she has too many questions right now. "Where am I? What happened? Why does my head hurt?", her arm jerks again. "Why does my arm have random jerks? Why are you here? Where is mom?"

"Woah, woah slow down."

Clarke stares at me.

"Here", I walk over to the table and pour a glass of water. "How about you drink this?"

Clarke accepts the glass. She starts slow but ends up chugging it. Her eyes go to the glass that her nails tap on.

"Say it", I sit on the edge of the bed. "I know you have a lot to say."

"You left", Clarke looks at me. "You walked away."

I nod. "Do you wish to know the truth now or later?"

"Now please."

"Well… you were a day from leaving and that's when I hooked up with Indra."

Clarke makes a sick look.

"Not sexuality like… just got together to talk."

Clarke nods.

"I uh… I told her a plan to get you captured. I didn't want you out on your own and I figured back with your mom would be best. So-"

A pillow slams into my face.

"How could you?!", Clarke glares at me. The pillow hits me in the face again.

_ I miss drunk Clarke. _

Clarke weakly hits me again but this time tears are sitting in her eyes. "I trusted you. Believed in you."

I don't respond, instead I spread my arms apart offering a hug. If there's one thing I learned it's that Clarke is a cuddler.

Clarke drops the pillow and flings herself into my arms. I open my mouth to say something but her sobs beat me to it.

My arms make their way around the blonde. "I'm sorry."

"You're here… I- I'm glad you're here", a shake racks her body. Clarke lets out a whimper. "Don't send me back, Skaikru is scary."

"I'm not going anywhere."

It doesn't take long for the blonde to fall asleep in my arms. She was falling asleep as soon as I wrap them around her. I question whether I a source of comfort for her or not. I'm guessing it is but I'm basing it off drug induced Clarke not the Clarke I hold on my arms right now.

_ I'd have no way of knowing when it comes to this Clarke. I could if I- _

"Lex", Clarke nuzzles my chest.

*****

"So Clarke woke up", I put the glass down. "She has a slight shake in her hand but that's the only thing. I guess her body shook a little. No stammering and full sentences are said."

Lucy nods avoiding eye contact with me.

"Of course Clarke will have to get rid of everything by herself and then she'll be as normal as she can get."


	27. Chapter 27

I walk around the corner bringing all eyes to myself, not on purpose. I stop by the corner and look around.

My hand nervously grips the corner and I take a step to the right hiding half of myself from everyone.

_ Why am I being stared at? _

I give Lexa a desperate glance wanting her to take attention away from me.

"Clarke", Lexa stirs a cup of hot chocolate. "Come sit by me."

_ That doesn't help! _

Even with that thought I find myself nodding to get suggestion. With a nervous cough I take a tiny step into the living room. Ana starts talking to her mom but her eyes keep glancing at me. They want to stop staring.

Raven waves at me as I walk by and Luna avoids eye contact with me. I wonder if I said or did something wrong.

I sit by Lexa. As soon as my but hits the couch, I'm uncomfortable. I have to move around. "Not very comfortable", I whisper quietly to Lexa.

Lexa smirks but doesn't say anything. She puts the cup on the coffee table. "Here", she pats her lap.

I can feel my face begin to turn red. "I… you sure?"

"Would I offer if I wasn't?"

With a sigh I climb onto her lap. I don't move around like I did on the couch. I feel like I've sat on her lap many times yet I don't remember doing so.

_ How is a lap more comfortable _ than a couch?

Not wanting to dwell on the thought I reach for the cup of hot chocolate.

I can feel Lexa wrap her arms around me, she puts her forehead against my back.

"Luna, things to say", Lexa mumbles into my neck.

"Right… do you want me to explain what happened while you were… "out"?", Luna finally looks at me.

I nod, "that would be nice."

(Few minutes later)

"... Floukru took over Skaikru camp and Abby is being put to trial."

"For?", I glance at Lexa. "What'd she do?"

"I convinced the queen to put her on trial for the things she did to you."

"Why the queen? Wouldn't you make the choice?"

Luna coughs itching the back of her head. "Lexa is no longer Heda. She gave up the spot so the queen would help in the plan."

I nod but I'm still confused.

"Oh and Indra is dead", Luna nods like this is the last piece of information.

Based on everyone's face I can tell that it wasn't the last piece of information. Like it's far from last.

"How did you guys get me out?"

"Oh, Lexa came up with the plan. She was really determined, didn't let anything get in the way."

Luna continues about the few days I was apparently high and how I would scream and shake. How my speech was… bad. She sounds regretful when talking about it so when Ana's plan comes up she's more than happy to explain.

I nod to all this information. It all enters one ear exits the other. I've been running my finger along the rim of the cup the whole time. 

When Lexa nudges me I give her a confused look.

Lexa glances at Ana.

"Oh, thank you Ana", I risk a smile at her.

"A-anything to make my sis-sister happy", Ana looks at me. Her cheeks redden. "Treat her nice", Ana glares at her sister.

Lexa nods her grip gently tightening on me. She leans forward, placing a kiss on my neck. I can feel the heat radiating from my neck.

I glance at Lexa my face red. She knows I'm embarrassed yet she smirks at me. I set the hot chocolate down.

********

(Lexa's POV)

My grip tightens on Clarke when a loud screams come from outside the house. Moving my head I can see through a window. A house is up in smoke, people run around, run from something… or someone.

One look around and I know everyone has the same idea.

Hide.

We're all quick to find a spot to hide. By the time I'm behind the couch the house has gone silent. 

"Bang!"

The door swings open slamming into the wall. I listen to what I assume is guards but not on our side.

Clarke covers her mouth, her eyes looking at me with a form of desperation. I put my finger to my lips wanting her to stay silent.

Clarke nods and scoots over to me. My arms wrap around her and press her head against my chest. We're both silent as we listen around us.

"Come out, come out wherever you are", a guard chuckles. By listening to his voice I know he walked in front of the couch.

"Stay silent", I nod to Clarke. Clarke tightens her grip on me, her eyes searching mine. With a kiss to the head I make her let me go. I crawl to the edge of the couch and look around the corner.

I can see a guard holding a knife to Raven's throat. Raven is gripping onto his arm but her eyes are on something else. Something I can't see.

Clarke watches me crawl to the other side of the couch. I look around to see what Raven was staring at. Luna. Luna who is being pushed into the ground. She struggles to get the guard off her but she has a deadly look in her eyes.

_ Shit _ .

I move back to Clarke. She's happy to be back in my arms. Gotta think, they're depending on me. A few minutes pass and I finally come up with something.

_ They came here for a reason. Might as well find out what it was about. _

Leaning forward I whisper to Clarke "put your hands up" which of course makes her give me a dirty look.

She wants to question me but she can't. So instead of protesting she actually does it. We both stand up revealing ourselves.

A guard smiles saying "good girl".

Clarke steps closer to me her blue eyes stuck on a guard. She's too scared to do anything else.

Guard two says "the queen was right, the blonde is cute".

The first guard says "can't believe she's all ours once green eyes is dead"

_ They came for my death. _

I listen trying not to let my emotions show. I wish to tear their throats out but I know better. If only- where's my family?!

I eye the whole room searching for their faces but they're nowhere to be seen.

_ Those cheeky little bastards. What amount of money were they offered? _

There's a chuckle as the queen walks in. "Long time no see", she yanks her hand and a chained up Abby stumbles into the house.

Abby mumbles something but not too loud. Her eyes light up when she sees her daughter.

Clarke, however, frowns. I protectively step closer to Clarke my pheromones surrounding her. There's a few seconds of silence then the queen starts explaining.

"You see… people want you back and that just can't happen."

I watch the queen move. Every step she takes, I take one to shield Clarke.

"These riots and demands. God it's annoying", she pauses eyeing a family photo. "You were cute."

I allow my hands to drop. A guard growls "put em up" and presses the knife harder onto Raven's throat.

The queen, surprisingly, says "let her, I wanna see this".

Through the corner of my eyes I grab Clarke's hands and brings them away from her arms. Not wanting her to harm herself, I hold them in front of the blonde and give them a gentle stroke every few seconds.

The queen continues on her jealous speak. "I figured a public killing of you should be enough."

Clarke lets out a distressed whimper her pheromones flowing through the air. 

Blondie…

Unconsciously I release calming pheromones directed at Clarke.

"And then your lil puppet can be sold out. A lot of people find her attractive. They'd pay a lot for her to be their mate."

I look at Clarke. I have to eye her whole body as I try to see her as some old man's wife. Just being used for her body.

I look at the queen who has gotten closer. "She's only 19"

"We'll have to wait a year or two of course."

"Lexa won't let you", Clarke glares at the queen.

"Such trust", the queen looks at Clarke. "After all she's done to you, really?"

Clarke shrinks away.

"Now let's get a move on with things", the queen smiles.

I can feel Clarke's hands leave mine. This leaves me momentarily confused then everything goes black. I can hear Clarke whimpering and thrashing around. Her cries are muffled by something. Everything begins to slip away until it's out of reach.

*****

"Mm", I start lifting my head only to feel dizzy.

_ Where am I? _

Despite the pain I force myself to look around. I'm lying in the dirt. People stand behind a barrier made of guards that look at me with the same curiosity of the citizens. Every single person is silent.

"You're finally awake", the queen walks around me, a knife dragging behind her. She walks in a circle around me and stops in front of me. "You fight as a wolf yes?"

I nod finding my mouth is dry. I prefer to fight as a wolf.

"Good, I get a weapon… you get teeth."

I stand up, my body naturally starts searching for my wolf. I'm disappointed to find my wolf scraping on a wall whimpering and howling. It's too worried about Clarke to bother fighting.

_ The one time I need you!  _

The wolf growls then goes back to scratching.

"Something wrong?", The queen laughs. She unsheashs her knife and twirls it in her hand. "T-"

A painful scream comes from the crowd. A golden wolf hits the wall of a building but is quick to get back up. It's momentarily confused until it sees the gray wolf slowly getting closer. The golden wolf lunges at the throat getting a clean bite which makes the gray wolf crumble to the ground.

The golden wolf looks up and meets eyes with me.

_ Crazy blonde. _

Clarke starts running and jumps over the barrier. She slides along the dirt scraping to get a grip. She manages to do this just in time to bring herself to stop in front of me

"You ungrateful shit!", The queen tries to hit Clarke. Clarke turns grabs me and runs out the way.

_ She's faster than I thought. _

The queen mumbles something and yells at everyone to stop cheering for Clarke and me.

With a huff Clarke turns around and sniffs me. She goes over my body like a mother does to its pup. I watch as she turns to a human asking if I'm ok.

I can only nod and place a kiss on Clarke's cheek. Being close to her I catch a weird smell. It's a strong scent that wasn't there before. I lean even closer trying to identify this weird scent but Clarke pushes me to the ground and crouches down to dodge the knife flying words her. Clarke turns into a wolf and protectively stands over me.

"You're determined", the queen cackles.

Clarke steps away from me and stands by my head. I find Clarke's eyes which have a tiny bit of red.

_ Weird scent, red eyes, need to protect. _

I remember something Nico said once. Something about stress forcing an Omega into heat. They become over protective and do things they wouldn't normally do as they wait for someone to get rid of their heat. If they have a mate this sudden heat could show wanting and the need to be with you. Other times it means they're ready for the next step in life with you. Why would they bother protecting something they're gonna lose? Because they don't want to lose you. They've designated you as a proper mate and will gladly accept pups.

_ Is that… true? _

I eye Clarke who is growling at the queen. I can finally tell the smell coming from her is heat and wanting. "Clarke?"

Clarke nudges me whispering "fight". She pushes me to my feet. "I'm ok, fight".

With Clarke saying she's ok my wolf is finally ready to show up. It sits patiently an expecting look on its face.

_ Now you show up you little coward! _

My wolf barks at me allowing me to turn into a wolf. The crowd cheers even louder when I shake out my fur and growl at the queen.

The queen smiles taking a step forward. I push Clarke behind me and snap at the queen. Clarke's heat doesn't help keep me calm in fact it makes me more mad. My wolf cries to mate Clarke and mark her as mine. Lock her u-

Clarke gives me a lick on the cheek bringing me back to the world and away from a fantasy. With a look she steps back.

"That's sweet", the queen laughs.

Clarke starts exiting the field and the queen steps towards her. I'm quick to get in her way, my teeth show as I growl at her.

********

(Clarke's POV)

The whole crowd is cheering for Lexa. I know I should start cheering and encourage her but I can't. I can only bring my hand to my mouth as I watch the woman I love drip blood that isn't hers as she holds the queen down.

The queen is having spasm as she slowly dies and Lexa watches, no pity or remorse for the dying lady.

_ But would she have remorse if their positions were switched? _

A man announces the queen is dead and says Lexa has taken back the crown. People cheer around me but I block it out. I feel like something is coming up so I turn and walk away.

_ Where do I go? _

When I look around I find the eyes of Lexa. She waves at me only to be swept by the crowd.

That makes this easier. I leave camp managing to find a place outside the camp. With the silence around me, I climb up a tree using leaves to hide my strong pheromone. I can feel my wolf calling for Lexa and wanting to be near her.

I tell myself to ignore it as I lie on a branch thinking about anything but heat. Strangely enough I can feel something pooling between my legs. Rubbing is no longer helping.

I think about trees and the sky but the queen slowly bleeding out sneaks its way into my thoughts.

Whimpering I push my face into my arm.

"You hiding?", Luna pops up by me.

I nod.

"Not crying?", she taps my head. "Look at me."

I lift my head up and glance at her. She nods so I look at my hands.

"Figured you'd be celebrating with everyone else."

I shake my head.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Another shake of the head.

"The body is gone", Luna smiles at me. "Seeing someone get killed isn't easy, especially when it's by someone you love."

I don't respond. I can't respond.

*I won't tell Lexa where you are but she's gonna start worrying in a few minutes. I'll give it an hour before I tell her."

I nod and watch Luna climb down. The minutes tick by until I finally decided to do the same.

I walk around, take my time to examine things before I start seeking Lexa. It isn't hard when my body blocks out all smells and pheromones but the one of the person I want.

"Clarke!", Lexa runs up to me. She scans me over stretching my arms out and feeling my face. "Where did you go?"

I shrug. "Needed air?"

"You smell like leaves."

I nod.

"Why?"

I shrug again, "I was climbing a tree."

"Weird but ok", Lexa kisses my cheek. "I was worried, Luna didn't know where you were and she normally knows where everyone is."

"I didn't mean to make you worry", when I meet eyes with Lexa I have to look away. I get the strong urge to rub my thighs together and bring some sense of pleasure.

"Le-"

"Dinner is ready! Let's celebrate!", Lexas mom shouts from the kitchen.

"Feel like eating?", Lexa smiles at me.

"Uh actually", I step away. "I… was going to head to bed."

"Already?", Ana whines. "I wanted to get to know you."

"Ana let Clarke head to bed", Lexa eyes me. "I'll be up there in a few minutes."

With a nod I turn on my heel and make my way to the farthest room away from everyone. I question this when I realize why.

My wolf smirks at me. "You know damn well you ain't sleeping tonight."

I shake my wolf away and close the door behind me. I undress until I'm in nothing more than a bra and underwear.

Knowing Lexa will follow me, I stand behind the door waiting. Waiting for someone to take away this need. I only need one person.

I don't have to wait long since in a matter of seconds the door creaks open and Lexa walks in. 

This brings a smile to my face.

_ Perfect. _

Reaching over I close the door softly. My hands lock the door listening to the click it makes.


	28. (What Would've Been The End) *maybe not official*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who came from my old story this chapter is a roughdraft of what I wanted the end to be. For now it is official but I may change it in the future but currently I am working on other stories. So...

My wolf howls, "go get her!"

I lean against the wall and cross my legs at the ankle.

_ Handle this wisely Blondie. _

"Clarke?", Lexa looks around.

I strum my nails on the wall telling Lexa where I am.

Lexa turns around shocked to see me. "Clarke? What's going on?"

I don't respond, my eyes watching Lexa's mouth.

"Ar-"

Stepping towards Lexa I smash my lips against hers.

"Mm", Lexa stumbles backwards.

My wolf growls, "open your goddamn mouth woman!"

I break away only to catch my breath before bringing our lips back together.

_ More. _

I start walking forward seeking her lips and something more. Stupid shirt… get out of my fucking way!

I start slowly unbuttoning the buttons on her shirt until the heat gets the best of me.

I stop walking. With a sigh I break the kiss and look at Lexa's buttons.

"Problem?", she raises her eyebrows.

"No", I lean forward our lips brushing together. "I wish you would stop wearing button ups though", keeping my eyes on hers I bite her bottom lip.

Giving up on the buttons I tear her shirt off. With a push Lexa falls onto the bed. I lick the blood off my lip and stare down at Lexa.

"Your move."

"Shhh", I put my finger to my lips. Stepping forward I remove Lexa's pants. I'm not surprised to see a bump in them.

I reach out and run my nail up Lexa's legs. Her shivers make this seem more… rewarding. I stop my hand at the bulge in Lexa's underwear.

"Excited", I smirk pushing my nail down.

Lexa squirms a gasp leaving her mouth. Surprisingly she stays silent like I told her to.

"Good", I climb onto the bed and over Lexa. With my legs on both sides of her I comfortably sit on her stomach.

"You killed her", I lean forward planting a wet kiss on Lexa's lips.

"What?"

Ignoring this question I plant a kiss on her cheek and slowly move down to her neck. I keep my head in a place where she barely feel my lips on her skin. With a smile I place a kiss on each breasts before removing the bra.

"Very boring in style", I mumble against a nipple. Looking into green eyes I blow on the nipple watching it grow in size and harden. Just like the nipples, something else gets hard. I sit up only to feel it against my lower back.

I turn around so Lexa gets a full view of my ass.

"Nice", Lexa whispers.

I scoot backwards so I'm sitting on her chest. I bite my bottom lip staring at the bump.

_ I don't know if I want to deal with this. _

My wolf growls and snaps at me.

I pull the underwear off letting Lexa's member go free.

"Do you regret it?", I run my nail up Lexa's staff. I don't know if Lexa responds since my head is in its own place. Leaning forward I start at the base and run my tongue up to tip.

My wolf paces back and forth. "Hurry up!"

"You know", I eye the whole thing. "You made a mess for the clean up crew", opening my mouth I slowly bring her in. I which I could tell what the taste was but I've, personally, never tasted anything like this.

Lexa doesn't say what I wanna hear. In fact she's not making any noise.

Going up I sneak a bite onto the to. "Well?", I bring it back into my mouth.

"Well?", Lexa bucks her hips wanting more.

Scoffing I bring myself back up to place a kiss on the to. I tear her until she's close, teetering on the edge of pleasure. So I stop.

"I've always wondered what's after death", I sit up. My bra is the first thing to go. "The mysteries it holds", my underwear goes next. Finally free of clothes, I turn around so I can look into green eyes.

"You're beautiful", Lexa reaches up. Her finger runs down my chest and makes a journey between my breasts.

"Thank you", I smile at her. "But your distraction ain't working", I grab her hand. I eye her hand. "How gorgeous?", I bite the tip of her finger.

"There's not a number."

"Hmm."

Lexa hisses pulling her finger out of my mouth. Blood runs down it.

"So not at all?", I bring her finger down my chest. A trail of red is the only evidence she was there.

"Do you want an answer to that?"

I let go of Lexa's hand. "You decide."

"I don't think you do."

Nodding I whisper, "must've killed a lot of people", I press myself into Lexa. "You know… to be able to have no look of regret."

Lexa stares up at me. "Wh-"

"Touch me", I put my hands on her legs and lean back.

Lexa's fingers twitch as she fights for a decision.

"Ruin the mood", I spread my legs. "Or don't."

"No whining", Lexa reaches out.

My breath hitches at the simplest touches and stops at harder ones. The words Lexa says become distant and at one point doesn't exist.

Those green eyes watch my every move. Feel every part of me. Tease me until I crumble onto her.

"Lexa", I dig my nails into her skin. "Please."

Lexa laughs her fingers curling in me. "Move."

With the simple command my hips start moving with the fingers

They go to their own rythm that matches Lexa's perfectly.

"Ah!", I push down biting the side of Lexa's breast. The world slips away for a good few minutes. Kisses are the only thing bringing me to the world.

Forcing myself to sit up, I scoot back feeling Lexa's hard member.

"Clarke", Lexa looks up with a silent plea.

Not bothering to respond, I put Lexa's wet finger in her mouth.

_ Forget the killing. Forget. _

Lexa's eyes scream the same thing.

"I wonder if the queen was as desperate as you are right now", I comfortably sit back down on Lexa's stomach. "Wanting something but getting denied", feeling desperate myself I start moving backward leaving a wet trail in front of me as I do. "So close", I lift myself up. Looking into green eyes I see confusion and desperate.

She'll get what she wants. Always does.

I can feel Lexa right where I want, right she wants me. Yet I don't move down.

_ What am I trying to achieve from this? _

Lexa bites her lips.

"Yet so far", I move off Lexa smiling when Lexa whines. I want to whine too at the absence of her member.

"Mon amour", Lexa whines.

I flash her a smile as my finger twirls around her. I bring my nail up and down, watching as Lexa gasps. 

_ I want it. _

Positioning myself, I sink down finding I'm one step closer to pleasure. Lexa moans.

_ She's close. _

"Did you get satisfaction?", I lift myself off. 

This causes Lexa to groan.

"Did you like the taste of blood?", I sink back down. 

Lexa bucks her hips.

"Maybe you don't care", I lift myself off again. "Maybe you do", I sink back down. "Not like you'd tell me", this time I grind myself against Lexa. Running my finger up Lexa's stomach I pinch a hard bud of hers. "Will you?", my hips move in a small circle against Lexa. Lexa moves her hips again.

I smirk scraping my nails down her stomach. Lexa winces as my nails bring blood to the surface.

"Black blood", I tilt my hand away from her skin. "Do you regret it?", bringing my hips up, I hover over Lexa. She seems to grow in size.

"Please."

"Do you regret it?", I repeat.

  
  


Lexa moves under Clarke a look of wanting in her eyes. Clarke also want Lexa but doesn't say so.

Clarke leans forward biting on Lexas breast. She leaves a few mark on both breasts then moves tk her neck. She leaves two marks before kissing them. Kissing her way up Lexas neck she licks her jaw bone and moves to the ears.

"Say you regret it", Clarke flicks one of Lexas nipples. "Please."

"I regret it", lexas breath is hot on my ears. 

"Hmm?", I grind against her tip.

"I regret it!"

Smiling Clarke bites Lexas earlobe. "Do you love me?", She pulls on her earlobe.

"Of course."

Letting go she leans back and looks Lexa in the eyes. She smirks and leans forward, their mouths connecting. Their tongues wrestle for dominance. When they break apart both are panting. 

"Show me."

*****

"You know", Clarke shifts under Lexa. "I can get use to being a bottom."

Lexa lifts her head off Clarke's chest and smiles. "Good, i like being top."

Lexa rolls off Clarke removing herself as she does. Her hand reaches out and draws circles on Clarke's stomach. "Why do you want me to regret it?"

Clarke shrugs. "I have no real answer."

Lexa nods. "Is your heat ok?"

Clarke nods.

"Angry Clarke is quite sexy."

"I wasn't angry", Clarke smiles at Lexa.

"Seemed like it", Lexa sits up."my parents are gonna kill me."

"Why?"

"I just had sex with a nine-teen year old."

"So? It's not like I'm pregnant", Clarke rolls over.

"After two rounds witb no condom.. do you really doubt it?"

"Well then screw them, it's our life."

"Together?"

"Together."

Two year later:

Clarke wakes up to the gentle him of her name. She feels Lexa nibbling on her ear her hand disappearing under Clarke's shirt.

Clarke hums when she pinches her nipple.

Lexa whispers get up love. 

Clarke digs deeper into the pillow mumbling a no.

Lexa stops teasing Clarke making Clarke look at her. lexa smirks biting her bottom lip. "Hey hotness"

Clarke smiles her eyes running down Lexa. Lexa is leaning over her hands on the bed. She wear nothing but underwear. "Hey yourself."

Lexa laughs telling her to get dressed and that even though Clarke is super hot in just a shirt, she'd rather not have her flashing everyone in the camp.

Clarke nods saying shell only shower if Lexa joins her whichexa gladly does.

After a shower they walk out of the tent. Clarke almost bumps into Raven's son is who chasing his brother. Clarke can't help but notice the difference between the two. The older one being adopted and the younger one being the actual son of Raven. Lexa and Clarke make their way over to Raven who is holding their new daughter.

Luna holds the twin of their youngest son. She asks when Clarke is going to have a kid. Clarke shrugs saying she doesn't know.

Lexa says she ended the war for her. It's a peaceful place now.

Clarke nods saying that it is.

Lexa pouts giving Clarke puppy eyes. Clarke kisses Lexas head saying patience my love.

Luna smiles knowing something Lexa doesn't. Her eyes go to the forest where rhe surprise waits.

Luna's oldest walks over holding the oldest twin. He says he tried to eat a toad to which Clarke says mice are better.

Lexa and Luna both smile knowing what she's talking about.

Clarke looks at the Skaikru camp which is now an extension of floukru. Her smile drops a deep feeling of missing coming to the surface. She sees a flower that just bloomed at the edge of the forest. A blue butterfly flies around it before landing.

Clarke looks away her smile back. Clarke nudges Lexa motioning to the meadow. Lexa tilts her head. Clarke leans forward and whispers race ya.

She turns into a wolf and runs. Lexa is quick to change and chase after her. Clarke looks over shoulder and laughs. Lexa walks around a tree and sits down. Clarke runs In a circle around her, pushing her face into Lexas fur. With a playful nip to the ear she goes off running and takes a leap into the meadow. Looking around butterflies fly around her, one landing on the tip of her nose.

Next chapter (short)

Luna nudges Raven. "We should have another kid."

"I just had a girl."

"But-"

"We have an eight year old, two one year olds and a newborn. What more could you want?"

"It would be so cute for Clarke baby and out baby to be the same age."

"Yes it would but it's not happening anytime soon."

"Party pooper."

A loud squeal comes from the forest. Ismirk saying, "she found out".

Raven laughs. "Well she has been wanting to be a parent."

Lexa walks into camp saying she's gonna be a parent. Clarke stands by her her head in her hands.

"So embarrassing", she mumbles. eople say congrats to them. Our oldest runs over asking a million questions at once.

"You know*, I slap Lexa on the back. "This calls for a party."


End file.
